For context:
At the beginning of November, I was put in a very bad emotional state due to the many external circumstances that where simultaneously occuring in my life. To add to the fact, my partner stopped communicating with me. They replied a week later but by that time I was already depleted from having to fight us for so long, and I already essentially grieved them. But ultimately decided not to tell them out of spite from the communication they showed.
Unfortunately, my partner was sent to the Emergency room 2 weeks ago, which I saw posted on their Instagram.
I was grief struck, and wanted to do something. But in the end I ultimately failed to make the decision to check up on them, or at the very least let them know I was there for them. I essentially abandoned them in their time of need because I was not strong enough to overcome the hurt that has burdened me, to put it aside to check up on them. (At the time I didn’t know how much that would mean. I personally have never experienced being in the ER with no one by my side, which I wasn’t aware of at that time. Though in hindsight that is pretty shit that they essentially had no one with them physically, and I didn’t message them)
Fast forward to now we’ve broken up mutually for our own reasons (as stated in the post). With this however I feel like I have failed them as a partner, loved one, let alone friend. I have sincerely apologized for it, and they say that they don’t hold it against me. But only having learned of their reason now, I feel immensely disappointed in myself.
I have failed them as a partner in that instance, and that’s what caused them to grieve me, and get over me.
When I heard their reason I knew I had fucked up in a major way, and knew it was over.
I’ve wanted to be “a friend that would stick out until the end” and be “someone there through sickness and health”. But what I did showed nothing of those statements.
Tl;dr: How do I move on from within myself for being someone that abandoned their partner in their time of need?