Just what it says in the title. I try to respect their religion. They try to be loving Christians not judgmental, fire and brimstone types. I wouldn’t say I’m NOT a Christian but I’m also pagan, gnostic, New Age, polytheistic, etc. They won’t understand, so I’ve never explained it. They asked what church we are going to for Easter and we already discussed it ahead of time because my SIL invited us.
I gave a vague response but MIL asked for specifics after that. I didn’t have a way to avoid the question without lying. But now I’m panicking. I worry that they will worry about us and about their grandchild who they will assume are all going to hell now. I don’t want to hurt them. My own mother had a pretty traumatizing reaction to finding out I was getting into Buddhism in college.
Husband says it’s not a big deal but my emotions are not in agreement. I don’t think they will judge me but I think they will worry, and that they may try to pressure us to believe more as they do or try to indoctrinate my kid into their version of right. Which I don’t want, hence why I’m a UU as it’s about accepting everyone’s version of right (basically). There was a time I carried a lot of anger towards typical Christians because of what happened in my church growing up but now I’m not angry anymore. I almost wish I was so I could just spitefully say Jesus would’ve been a UU anyway! Or “let the Nag Hammadi into the canon then we’ll talk” but I’m not in my early 20s anymore and digested all of that vitriol. I don’t want to disrespect their position, or harm their own belief systems when they do the best they can to be good people and I don’t begrudge them that. People who want to dive into a deeper experience will find that path and it’s not helpful to force on anyone imo.
How do I deal with this anxiety? What do I say if she starts to proselytize to me?
Edit: Married almost a decade, and she knows I’m not super duper Christian but we always downplayed what we ARE doing in that area to avoid friction. She prays for us, and has pushed my husband about church but never actually pressured me before.
3 comments
Please find a therapist to help with your anxiety.
I’m an atheist and so is my ex who’s the mother to my son.
For us it was easy, we told them that indoctrination of our son would not be tolerated and any attempt to indoctrinate would result in an immediate and permanent ban from seeing our son, and nobody has even brought it up after that.
If you want to alleviate their fears about their grandchild, you could try to use logic but it could fail. Something along the lines of telling them “I don’t believe in a hell, and I don’t worry about our son. Look at it this way, could you be happy if you knew your children and grandchildren were in hell, burning in agony for all eternity? How does god get around that? I could never be happy in heaven knowing my loved ones are in hell. He could possibly make me forget about them but that would be cruel also, I never want to forget my children, I love them to much. So I just can’t see how god could send someone to hell and still keep people happy in heaven.”
Just because she’s asked for specifics doesn’t mean you have to give them if you’re uncomfortable doing so. It’s a request, no matter how it’s framed. You’re allowed to choose to not expand on your answer.
You’re an adult, allowed to make your own choices. People won’t always agree, and yes they might even ‘worry’ about you not being in the same religion, but you’re not going to die from her disagreeing or worry.
If you REALLY have to reply to her ‘concerns’ you could say something like “we appreciate your input but this is what we’ve decided is best for us”.