Im starting to give up on finding love. I have never dated anyone and people ignore me all the time. It is making me sad since everyone seems to be in a relationship.

42 comments

  2. People aren’t in relationship’s just for the looks. You might want to look into therapy to work on your self-esteem

  3. We’re all just weird, odd meatsacks. Develop a good personality, be kind to people, and you’ll find a relationship.

  4. You can be ugly and still get women’s attention. I remember once in college I was out at a bar with a group of people. There was one guy; he had a gap front tooth was on the petite side, skinny no muscle, had a really plain face. He would have been considered ugly by everyone’s standards. He was really really nice! Let me explain: he would ask people about themselves, and really listen not interrupt with his own story until you were done. You could tell he was really interested in meeting new people and getting to know them for them. He got a few girls numbers from the group that night, including mine. And the “stud” guys got none. They didn’t really attempt to talk to any of the women in a nice way and get to know them and listen and all that. This ugly guy just had no ego about him, you could tell he wasn’t out trying to be a player trying to get ass any of that, he was just very genuine upfront nice wanted to talk wanted to hear about you, and wasn’t playing any games. He was just being himself and enjoying the night and the company. His smile looked really cute to me.

  5. You will find someone it takes time to find that one special one. I know you will find love like I did.

  6. I am an older guy – I feel sorry for younger people as you have “ideal “ looks pushed at you 24/7 and if you vary from this unattainable “ideal” it’s easy to be convinced you are not attractive . I agree with the other comments – a warmth and inner glow of being comfortable in your own skin together with a genuine interest in others are very attractive qualities . So accept who you are, don’t look to others to validate who you are and embrace the many wonders that the world has to offer with kindness and curiosity- there are wonderful surprises in store if you stop looking inward and open your eyes to possibilities .

  7. I feel you. I’m in the same boat. I’m nearing 40 and have had one relationship. I used a different account to post pictures on those subs where you get rated and the best I got was one 3. I’ve known I’m ugly forever, and I’ve accepted that. I’ve also accepted that I bring a lot of other good qualities to a relationship. Unfortunately it’s hard for people to get passed how I look.

    Case in point, two weeks ago one of my cats died. I went out to the bar that night and bought a round for everyone at the rail. The three women across the bar started openly talking about how very unfuckable I was. This isn’t the first time this has happened.

    I don’t really have any advice here, just commiseration. I get it. But one thing that helps for me is that I am an extreme introvert. I do like being by myself most of the time. I’m not sure I’d do well in a serious relationship where the other person needed to be around me all the time. So I figure I’m probably happier this way.

  9. There is a moment on King of the Hill that I often thing of – Peggy is trying to make Bobby feel better by saying he isn’t fat and he corrects her and says something like “Mom, it’s okay. I know I’m fat. That’s okay. I am a good person, I’m funny, I’m kind and I am a great dancer” and there is something about that moment that kind of changed me. We are all so many things and you need to find the person who sees those things in you. Looks fade. People age. You want to connect with someone’s soul and when you do, you’ll know.

  10. You asked about why people keep staring at you in your other post. Is this some kind of a compliment-fishing post?

  11. Your idea of Ugly, is another person’s Ideal Beauty. As someone who is not conventially attractive, yet not ugly, I understand your feelings. To this day I still have self esteem issues, and even some light body dysmorhia, still. But, I am telling you, You will always see yourself differently. No one is too ugly for a relationship. Don’t give up : )

  12. Confidence is as attractive as the “right face”. The energy you emit is what people respond to. If you act like eeyore, that’s how people see you. If you act like a badass confident woman, you will attract people, friends and lovers alike.

  13. Read more of this subreddit and see a lot of people who are not happy at all in relationships.

    There are tons of so-called ugly people in relationships.

    Like others say: be a good person, trustworthy, honest.

    In the looks department: get a good haircut. It can do wonders. Dress with style and be really clean. By style I mean find the cut of pants and shirts that fit you well. Make sure the clothes fit. Keep your fingernails clean and trimmed. All these are things people notice. These are also self care.

  14. I know it’s hard to find when you don’t feel good about yourself, but being confident in who you are, and being able to make me/people laugh, are what I find most attractive in others. Those are the deal breakers if you’re not interesting or seem uninterested, and we can’t carry a conversation for hours if we click. 🤗

  15. You’re not too ugly for a relationship. Looks only last so long in a lifetime anyway. Have confidence in yourself, look for people with the same interests. I never thought that I would end up with anybody and then the best man I could ever ask for fell into my lap. I have body image issues, I’m fat, I’m short, my hair is thinning (and I’m a woman), and I’m 29. I’m not what you would probably call conventionally attractive either. People used to ask me out on dates because they lost bets or it was as a joke.

    Work on yourself, learn to feel better about you, because that confident glow is what drags people in. Start being unapologetically you and people will show up.

  16. Confidence and self esteem are far more attractive than looks. If the men/women you’re interested in can’t get past looks, you’re interested in the wrong people-they’re shallow. Work on the self esteem part, carry yourself with confidence, and someday the right person will love you for your personality.

    Also-everyone has different standards of what they find attractive. I’m sure you are somebody’s perfect match physically speaking.

  17. I feel like there is more to this than you are letting on. I’m almost 40 and have never seen someone’s appearance that they can’t help, prevent them from any relationship at all.

  18. Physical attraction comes usually in 2 ways…the face or the body. And if you have both, then that’s where you get even more attention.

    But definitely the face or the body, can get you some attention. Which one can you work on to get it better?

    Now if you have neither and can’t get either one to be part of your game plan, then yea, you’ll have more difficult time, but not impossible.

    Fortunately for humans, we don’t just pick the biggest or best or most awesome features or looks. We fall in love for all sorts of reasons, some of which include a person’s self-esteem, personality, voice, attitude, abilities and skills, and many more! We also fall for someone in the way that they become better for us, when we are into them. So it doesn’t matter what other people think , it matters what we think!

  19. I’ve dated several “ugly” men. Not ugly to me, but not conventionally attractive. Their kindness, love, humor, and confidence made them attractive. Not just in an “he has a nice personality” way, if that makes sense. They were genuinely good-looking to me also because we shared common interests, goals, and world views, and they just wanted love. Find the things in yourself that make you shine as a person, and it will shine through and get to people who will want you romantically and sexually.

  21. I bring a lot of personality, charm, wit, and fun to a relationship. But the fact of the matter is that the lesbian “community” pays a lot of lip service to how every body is a good body and fat girls are hot etc. but not in practice.

    A lot of us are lonely. Narrow the dating pool to just women, then any preferences about what *kind* of person you want to date (i.e. someone with their own interests and maybe a job) and it’s a stalemate.

    My body and face are things a potential partner, objectively, would at best find kind of cute and at next-to-worst bearable, or something to overlook. The last two dates I’ve been on have been soul-crushing. I’ve even wanted to go running back to my abusive ex-wife just because she seemed to want me, at one time. But I have enough self-respect not to.

    Ugly people fall in love all the time, and get married all the time. But it’s never as easy.

    If you have a plain gay friend who’s always joking around and never seems to have any luck dating, check in on them. They might be just fine, but some of us aren’t okay.

  22. I’m not conventionally attractive (to say the least) and have been able to date/find dates more or less nonstop for the past decade. I’d recommend loving yourself, moving somewhere with a lot of people (can be any major metropolitan area more or less), and finding some widely relatable hobbies you enjoy.

    Where I live I see ugly people dating conventionally attractive people all the time.

  23. I would say 99 times out of 100, low self-esteem is a much bigger issue when it comes to keeping you from dating than the things you have low self-esteem about. People have all sorts of physical types, and all sorts of features they have no preference on one way or another. Plenty of people are attracted to people based on personality, character and positive attribute much more than they would be to a picture of the person.

    The issue with low self-esteem is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. You put out the message that you’re not good enough, and people pick up on it. You don’t put yourself out there, and so you miss opportunities and don’t cast a very wide net. You self-sabotage by trying to interpret other people’s actions in a way which fits in with your existing self image because it’s too scary to hope for more.

    Think about what you know about the world. How many people do you know who you would have zero attraction to, who have partners? How many people do you know how have comparable attributes to the ones you are insecure about, who have partners? Some people may attract less people than others, but nearly no one is just incapable of finding love. I mean…read biographies of famous people from the old sideshows, and most of them had kids and spouses. People survive horrendous fires and accidents which leave them disfigured, and go on to find love. People tip the scales ate 5-600 lbs., and they find love. Prison inmates who will never see the free world again meet people over pen-pal services and end up marrying them. People who are absolutely ridiculous human beings find love.

    You have to try and get out of your own head, and I know it’s hard, but when you start down that path, find a way to interrupt the inner monologue. Try therapy if you haven’t. Look objectively at the people in the world who find love despite them not fitting the beauty standard society touts, and realize that real life does not mirror fiction.

  24. There’s a lot to say here, because this topic comes up a lot.

    First is to realize that attraction is subjective. Yes there are regional beauty standards, but for every possible feature or combination of features you have, there will be someone who finds that attractive.

    Second is that attraction isn’t only based on physical appearance. There are many things you can bring to the table as a potential partner. A sharp wit, a great sense of humor, a kind and supportive demeanor, a generous spirit, etc. And confidence is nearly universally attractive (provided it doesn’t wade into arrogance). Let the good parts of your personality shine and work on building up your self esteem.

    Third is that your physical appearance isn’t necessarily fixed. Well fitting clothes, a good haircut, good hygiene, a nice skincare routine, and a healthy body and mind will all make you appear more attractive. That’s true regardless of the way you naturally look. There are also options like makeup, diet/exercise, and even cosmetic surgery on the more extreme end if you really feel you need a change.

    Finally and most importantly, I find that everyone asking this question or expressing this concern seems to forget that there are 8 billion people on this planet. Do you really think you’re the only ugly person? You aren’t. Not even close. Date someone else ugly. Your fellow uggos are in the same boat as you and i can promise they don’t all want to be single forever. Even if you aren’t attracted to them at first glance, attraction can absolutely grow over time.

  25. No you’re not too ugly. That’s just mental. You need to have more confidence and be willing to put yourself out there though.

    Self esteem/confidence by itself draws people in or repels people.

  27. Best advice I’ve been given is to stop looking for it. My experience shows love comes naturally, and it isn’t always with who you think. Be patient, confident, and yourself most of all. Just focus on building yourself up, surround yourself with people who genuinely care and want to help build you up, and be strict on your priorities and your needs

  29. The first rule of relationships is to learn to love yourself first, then seek out others.

  32. Not dating anyone doesn’t mean you’re ugly, everyone is different and everyone likes different things in others. Sometimes it’s just about confidence, which is a hard thing to have but a little more confidence when it comes to your preferred gender will take you a long way. I know I’m not good looking, I’m overweight and I don’t have a pretty face, but my partner loves all the things about me that I hate about myself and I love everything about him that he doesn’t love about himself.

  33. Screw love beautiful, just hop on the grind and do you. Who gives a Fuh about everyone’s pretty little relationship cuz personally don’t. Until you have become completely comfortable with yourself and who you are, loving someone else shouldn’t be a thought. “Ain’t no such thing as a ugly woman.”

  35. The only thing that I genuinely believe can make people ugly is having an ugly heart. Being cruel, unkind and hateful. That is what makes people ugly.

    You have a good heart. You are deserving of companionship, friendship and love.

  36. I used to think the same thing. I used to think “I’m too fat, I’m too ugly, I’m too broken” Yada, Yada, yada… It took me a while to find someone that I truly feel loves me. I had a lot of empty relationships (where I was essentially just their fetish), but I did it. It’s possible, there are people who aren’t superficial or conceited out there.

  37. Is it your looks, really? Are you maybe just painfully shy, have poor social skills, or have poor hygiene, or anything else like that? It could be something completely different than what you think. If you’re uncomfortable with your looks others can pick up on it. Maybe your clothing isn’t well suited for you and you need to look at your wardrobe and find things more flattering for your body type. And I’m sure I’ll get some flack for this, but plastic surgery is always an option. And before anyone judges me, I had some plastic surgery myself. I used to cry every night over my appearance until I went to the plastic surgeon. After my surgery I felt fantastic. I was able to carry on normal relationships with a renewed self confidence I never had before. There is risks but you have to weigh those out for yourself, and as far as financing goes, they have loans you can apply for.

  39. I don’t know if we’re in the same age range, but you’re not alone. Not all of us find that wonderful partner in our twenties or thirties or what have you.

    I’m 26 and I haven’t even held a man’s hand yet. Your soul makes you beautiful, your outsides are just a bonus. Be kind to yourself.

  40. I have a coworker who smells of the most extreme BO… Is a racist… Is lazy… And weights 300+ lbs and he just got recently married… Again… That right he has had two wives… Trust me there is someone out there for you, you got to keep looking. If you give up you won’t find anyone.

  41. Looking at your post history it’s probably your personality, lack of confidence, and assumptions everyone is out to get you… Not your looks.

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