[Update on this.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/zf9ooe/i_24m_always_thought_i_was_straight_but_i_made/)
Tldr: I (24M) previously thought I was straight but unexpectedly made out with a guy in my friend group (20M) in a hot tub at a houseparty (lol) and got a crush. I asked for advice because we didn’t talk about it after and I was going to be seeing him at a party this weekend.
After I made the post I sent him a message, it took me hours to write 2 sentences lol (Hey I had fun at the weekend. I was wondering if you’re going to be there on Saturday – maybe we could hang out before if you’re free?) Very basic but I didn’t want to sound weird. He replied really quickly and he seemed really friendly. We agreed to meet up for a drink.
It was really nice 😭 He was a bit shy but it was cute not awkward and he was really friendly. I didn’t feel awkward at all. We talked about what happened and it was new to him too. He’s a lot more inexperienced than me. That’s partly because he’s younger but he’s also not had casual hook-ups, just a couple of steady girlfriends. I’ve hooked up with a lot of people, I just haven’t hooked up with guys. He’s even more nervous than me and that made me feel less nervous. We stayed for longer than we planned to and I walked him home (mainly because I wanted a chance to kiss him). I kissed him goodbye, neither of us were drunk but it was still just as good as the first time. I didn’t want to stop.
Last night was the party. We spent a lot of the night together. Neither of us has actually told anyone something happened between us but we weren’t exactly hiding it either. I know I wasn’t being very subtle. We weren’t kissing or touching at that point but I couldn’t stop looking at him and smiling. He’s really gorgeous, I can’t believe I didn’t realise until now that I’m attracted to him. He reminded me that one of the first things I said when I met him first was asking him if he had any sisters that looked like him (cringing now lol).
When it got late and we were both a little drunk he invited me up to his room and I ended up spending the night with him in his tiny little single bed. We didn’t have sex or anything, we both want to take it really slow. It was difficult in the moment though. We were just kissing and cuddling really but we weren’t wearing much by the end haha. We spent this morning hanging out in his bed and it was so nice.
I’m buzzing now. Even though it’s still weird and confusing, it’s also very exciting. I have so many questions about dating another guy (not that we’re actually dating right now) and I don’t know where to turn. I’m torn between being horny as hell and scared shitless because I have no experience fooling around with another guy and I’ll probably be terrible lol. Kissing and cuddling feels really natural but I don’t know about anything else.
I want to take him on a proper date. I’m still thinking about what to suggest and how to ask him. I kinda want to talk to other people about it, he says he doesn’t mind if I do. I’m quite anxious about it but I’m not sure why. I’m not embarrassed. It just feels very sensitive for some reason. I’d be happy for any advice anyone has. I don’t want to mess this up!
27 comments
Congratulations!
🥹 this is so sweet. My gay ass is so happy for you. Congrats!!!!
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My advice is just treat him as you’d want to be treated 🙂 good luck to you! Xx
Eeeyyyy i am so happy for you that it went so well!
I’m so happy for you! Def take things slow and just see where things go 😀
Also highly recommend doing research on safe sex. There’s a lot more to anal then people think. You gotta stretch for sure. Tears are no fun. And learn about prep and clean up. Don’t stress too much about it tho and just have fun together!
Going slowly is perfect. It’s natural that you’ll both have a lot of feelings to process on top of falling in love just being intense. Enjoy yourselves and I wish you the best!
Dude, congrats just take it slow, cuddling kissing, soft petting, maybe oral. My spouse is bi and hasn’t had a whole lot of experience either. Ride it out, you obviously like each other.
Congratulations! If you need advice on preparing for actual sex with a guy, feel free to reach out. I’ll try to make it as clinical as possible lol
Well that’s just adorable
I’m so happy for you! 💜 I know it isn’t much “advice”, but I’d say: Taking it really slow is a great place to start, if that’s what feels right. Especially since this is all so new to both of you. Regarding the sexual aspect: There are *so* many different things to do together, sexually/physically. Not all men who have sex with men also enjoy anal sex (but you probably know that already). I feel like that’s a pretty common misconception though. People like or don’t like anal sex, and people are interested in experimenting with it/trying it out or not. If those people are men, women, non-binary folks, gay/bi/straight/queer etc. is not the deciding factor. It’s just individual preference. (Obviously there’s nothing wrong with liking anal sex. It’s just not ‘obligatory’ or anything). So… with regards to sex (and anal sex especially) taking it slow is wonderful. 🙂
Plus: You two sound both very excited and nervous, so… every little thing you try out (or talk about whether you’d like to try it out) in and outside the bedroom will be super exciting anyways, I guess. 🙂 So… no need for any rush. I’d say: Breathe, enjoy the feelings, keep communicating about worries/insecurities/needs and just do what you enjoy doing together and find out what else you’d like to do together.
There are a lot of online and offline (support) groups around the topic of sexual orientation. Especially for people newly coming out to themselves (as gay or bi f.e.), who have questions or just want to feel a little less alone in a new situation (and maybe make friends, too). I don’t know if these are helpful to you/if that’s what you need. But there are a lot of resources/places that might help you, if parts of your experiences become overwhelming or you just want to talk to a fellow human, who has had a similiar life experience/went through something similiar to your experience. 🙂
And I find it somehow understandable that this feels more sensitive. It could be simply because it is something so new to you and also pretty unexpected, if I remember correctly from your first post. Getting to know yourself better and finding out something you didn’t know yet can be a very vulnerable (and exciting!) experience. (I’m a non-binary person/trans guy, and came out to myself as bi at 24 yo and as trans-masc/non-binary at 29 yo. 🙂 And I’m queer. So… yeah. 😊 Muliple discoveries, one at a time 😅)
I wish you all the best!
Honestly gl sounds like you’re taking this shit in stride. You are doing remarkably for a discovery like this.
Good deal, happy for you and wishing you the best.
It’s all up to you man…
6 or 7 years ago. I was rather heavily drunk coming out of a bar with a female friend at the time… We kissed, I told her to come to. My house, but we sensed up, nothing happened. We never talked about it… Jajaja
4 years ago, my BEST friend, my rock my ground, and I started living in the same room. (long story)
One time, I just kissed her.
We started a romance for some months, sadly, we were both coming out of deep depression and it did not went well… We went our séparate ways…
To this days, I sometimes dream about her, and miss her every day…
But it is my fault, I did commit to her for life, and I told her so…
Even tho, I have moved out with my life, I still uphold those words. At least to me they still have value.
This is so cute!
Sorry if this is over the line or too much info but I just thought I’d throw out there: not all sex between cis men involves anal.
There are so many ways to have sex, don’t pressure yourself if it’s not something that you’re comfortable with.
This is the cutest thing I’ve heard in a while. Hope y’all get together and are happy!
This is so cute! Best of luck!
ah i remember when you first posted about this! best wishes to you both, take things slow and just let everything flow naturally <3
My bi heart 😭
Congratulations! I’m so happy for you. It sounds like you are doing great. My advice would just be to keep being awesome. You got this!
This is so wholesome and my heart is so happy. Echoing advice to definitely go slow. Keeps things even more exciting anyway!
Congratulations, very happy for you! That giddyness is amazing, it will last a long time if you take care of each other!
It is great that you were able to be open and talk about it being new, both of you being nervous and so on. My top advice is – never stop doing that. Remember how you felt less nervous when you realized how anxious he was? I bet he was the same.
Tell him of your anxieties, and you will find them shrinking every time you reassure one another.
Oh, and don’t get stuck on lables. It is hard enough to find a person that is special to you, without trying to fit into predetermined boxes. Know though, there are lots of people who will support you in the lgbtq community <3
Hey! So!
If you’re looking to have sex, it might be good to figure out what position you would be open to taking( Top or bottom.) Either way, the anus is a muscle. You wouldnt do the splits without stretching right? So practicing with one finger, then two, then getting a small dildo, and working up to the size of whoevers dick is gonna be entering is gonna be a process. Usually by three fingers most dicks are okay to enter? But yeah, LOTION is needed, and lube is best. Try to get the good stuff for lube bc comfort is key. It can take weeks even to be stretched and ready, but stretching frequency and body types vary in how early one can be ready.
Great non penetrative sex options are frotting (rubbing your dicks together), and even intercrural sex (between thighs.) obviously oral is an option but thats a bit intimidating and I’m sure yall can work up to it.
Prep varies, usually not eating for a while before you have sex is best, never wanna have anal after eating as it is uncomfortable. Also enemas can be used as a precaution, just dont go over board as it can upset the tummy. Condoms help with both safety and cleanliness. If you want to finger your partner or yourself, condoms are a great little finger glove to pleasure your partner or yourself.
I’m so proud of you guys!!! I’ve been invested in your story and cheering for you both. Just be honest and kind, im sure your feelings will get across. Take things slow and learn together! Communication is key. Please keep us updated!
Well, it only shows, how many stereotypes is in our heads, because of parents. It’s absolutely natural, that you liked someone with similar gender, even thinking, you’re straight. I’m really happy for you both and wish only luck in future!
This is so cute just like in a movie 😭❤❤ As a closeted bisexual, I wish this happens in real life 😔
Wish you both all the best ❤❤❤
Omg this is so cute and I’m rooting for you two
You sexy Thang you:) lol. Super cute story! Don’t over think it. It happened and take it day by day. Let it flow and let it happen! Imagine what you want to happen with him and explore with yourself. Nothing to be scared about.