What has been the saddest time of your life, and how do you feel about it now?

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1. The saddest time of my life was when my mother passed away. I was very close to her and it was a difficult time for me. I still miss her but I have been able to move on with my life.

2. It’s been the past 9 months or so. I just feel stuck and like I’m falling behind in life. I don’t like it.

3. My daughter told me that I didn’t do enough to prove my love to her and made it clear that her limitations were exclusively mine. She hasn’t spoken to me sense. It never got easier to accept or handle, and I don’t expect it to. Seeing her was my first experience of unconditional love and she doesn’t seem to want or need me. It’s beyond painful

4. The saddest day of my life was the day my brother died. The second saddest day was the day I told his daughter.

   It was 3 years ago and it still really, really fuckin sucks. It’s just going to suck forever, the rest of my life is going to have a hole in it in the shape of him. But I only get really weepy these days on special days like his birth or death day, or something strongly reminds me of him.

5. Probably when I was 15-17 that was really when my mom got big into alcohol. It was non stop chaos and instability. But probably the worst of it was when she got into an almost fist fight with a boy I was dating in high school and said she would get treatment for it the next day and then made excuse after excuse why she couldn’t go to rehab. Like we weren’t worth that effort.

   I feel a lot of resentment now for it. I felt relief when I grew up and moved out and got some distance and due to some other things going on she’s bringing some of that chaos back into my life. It’s really triggering and my anxiety is through the roof right now.

6. The worst was when both my parents died in a car accident when I was 12. 20 some odd years later and it’s just part of my history now.

7. When my boyfriend mentioned having suicidal thoughts. The next day I cried for probably three hours straight. And I cried so hard I vomited

   I don’t cry a ton, and when I do, it’s not very much. But the thought of losing someone I love so much in a tragic way had done something to me

   He’s getting better, but I credit that as probably one of the worst days of my life

8. My divorce several years ago was the worst for me. I didn’t want it, even though it was a peaceful parting of our lives.

   I’ve been grieving a lot, deep crying at night, feeling lost and unlovable. But slowly starting to accept this and hoping for a new relationship sometime, somehow.

9. After struggling for years with an asexual partner who nonetheless wanted me to conceive his children “the normal way,” I finally managed to get his semen in my body and become pregnant at the start of 2021. I miscarried that pregnancy, which is what led to a “rare and aggressive” cancer diagnosis that would keep me in my own private lockdown until March 2022. I was very alone, with only an emotionally dysregulated and overwhelmed person to look after, even while I was at the least physically/emotionally capable point of my life.

   After a full recovery, I decided to leave that relationship and finally be gaaaaaay AF on my own. So, in some ways, I feel incredibly grateful and happy — I really do believe I’m better off now. In other ways, I reject the toxic positivity and all the “everything happens for a reason” bullshit, because actually all of those experiences sucked ass and I think I could have ended up in a similar place without needing to go through the blood and gore and cancer.

   Mostly I just don’t know how to explain the massive gap in my life or why my professional trajectory stalled for a little bit. Sometimes I get emotional thinking about specific moments or people who were kind to me. But, on a day to day basis, I’ve made peace with it and usually feel happy with my life. Plus, therapy.

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11. 18-21 y. o. (the time after finishing school, until I went on an exchange program abroad and transferred to another university). I was living in the city that I totally hated, spent 3 hours a day in a crowded public transport, and was so tired that it was hard to study.

    I really can’t remember anything positive about those years, except living with my family. Besides that – only anger, sadness and being constantly tired.

12. Fall of 2019 when my dad died and I felt like a part of my heart died with him. His birthday is a week before Christmas so December 2019 was probably one of the lowest points of my life because I had the double whammy of two firsts without him. These days I still miss him terribly, but it feels less hard than it did back then.

13. It’s easier to say when was the happiest time of my life, my sadness and misery are never ending and perpetually worsening

14. Five years ago my oldest friend died of cancer, 10 days later my best friend died of cancer too. The worst time ever. I still miss them both 😔 it changed my heart

15. A few years ago. I was going through an unexpected divorce, just survived a suicide attempt and lost a very important relationship all at once. I soon lost my mastiff and my goat after that.

    It still kind of breaks my heart to think about certain parts of that. I miss my animals very much. I miss the feeling of that friendship, feeling wanted, and the promise of a fun future. I’ve come very very far from that point but all of that certainly changed me and how I view everything. I don’t think I’ll ever completely get all of the negative words and moments out of my mind. My self esteem is still at dirt level and I’ll always know I wasn’t worth any effort on their part.