There was a recent post about what had made girlfriends/wives etc lose respect for their men. Now I’m wondering if it’s ever happened to you.
Just as a disclaimer – I’d like to think that respect can be earned back or it’s not worth having that person’s respect, so there’s no hard line in it the way I see it.
But that aside, was there a moment that changed things for you for good or were there moments where you were astonished by your partner’s actions/reactions?
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She was telling me a story where she was cooking and almost set the house on fire with her little brother in the house. She found it quite funny but I wasn’t really laughing and voiced my disappointment. We’re no longer together but yeah, if you are irresponsible and endangered the life of a kid yet you can find the courage to laugh. I lost my respect for her there.
Not a current partner, but overhearing an ex jokingly say to a friend something to the effect of “now that I’ve locked down my man, I don’t have to care about my physical appearance anymore.”
That’s certainly not how *I* felt about keeping up my own appearance and really just left a sour taste in my mouth even if it was a joke.
She blew a gasket because I’d had dinner with a mutual female friend and came at me with “You spend time alone with other women and expect me to feel nothing!”, then tried to get me to text her any time I was making social plans so she knew where I’d be.
No.
Then she wanted a shared calendar, because not knowing where I was made her feel “wide open to attack”.
No.
So then she acted like I was an asshole for having boundaries. Mind, I’ve never been involved with this friend, nor have I ever cheated on anyone ever.
I lost respect for a number of reasons — she had vastly downplayed her mental health issues, was toxically jealous and possessive, wasn’t doing enough to manage her issues, was being unreasonable, and was acting like her behavior was my fault or that having friends or spending time with them was wrong.
And this was 3 months in.
Too much too soon, and I felt bait and switched. I not only lost respect for her, but I stopped liking her very much.
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I broke up with my ex girlfriend after I heard stories about her from her (drunk) friends. They went on a partying vacation and well, behaved rather promiscuous (kept a fucklist, my ex gf “won”). It irreversibly damaged my view of her and I couldn’t get over it.
She had a cheap DVD player that stopped working. So she bought one just like it at Target, and returned the non-functional DVD player in the box of the new one. Received a full refund.
It’s not that my heart bleeds for poor old Target. I’m just not down with stealing things, unless stealing means the difference between dying and surviving. It was just a cheap DVD player. My own DVD player was just upstairs in the same house. This was not an object of urgent need. It wasn’t like she was stealing diapers to put on our naked babies (we never actually had any babies together; that’s just an example).
we had been on the outs for a while, had talked about divorce at least once by that point. Living together in the same house though not for much longer after this. one night I was gaming, (headset on, not talking just being considerate) and i took off my headset as I heard my then SO’s voice talking and wanted to be sure i hadn’t missed something with the headset on. took them off, and after a couple seconds realized she was on a speakerphone call with another dude, and inebriated. after about 10 seconds of listening to her describe how she was the greatest gift to oral, to whoever the dude was.. (I only got it in 10 yrs 3 times btw). then hearing her disparage me.. I just lost all respect for her, grabbed a coat, my keys, and just left.. and never came back.
Seeing her become more and more catty and downright ***mean*** as she got influenced by some rude, acerbic friends.
I value empathy in a partner and seeing someone who had been kind for the longest time just throw it away to fit in with jerks was extremely disheartening.
Probably that other guys dick in her. That will do
Ex from a short lived relationship but met one of her “friends” after we became offical who said something along the lines of “she does whatever I tell her to do, you better get used to that”. I thought it weird and hoped I misheard it and she meant she listens to my advice etc. never said anything to my ex but I noted it and started to notice that my ex would have no agency when it came to whatever this girl would tell her to do.
Few weeks later, my ex was annoyed at this girl and after booking a table for food at this new restaurant for date night, she started screaming and slapping my sofa saying “f*** you *friends name*” turns out we were only “allowed” to go to this restaurant because she was annoyed at her friend. (Her friend had to be the person to go to new restaurants first… or else)
Was weirded out but didn’t have time alone to think so went to that restaurant, had a nice time but had decided I had to have a conversation when we got back to mine with her about how she needed to stick up for herself and I can’t have her mate run our relationship etc. or we should call it a day.
Got back to mine and just as I was decided on what I was away to say… she told me she had a surprise… she got a “friendship” tattoo with that friend…Absolutely zero way back
I wasn’t in a relationship, but seeing someone. One day while talking about our exs, she made fun of her ex in a very disparaging way. I don’t know for some reason I felt that if she can make fun of her own ex to whom she was about to get married, one day she will also make fun of me in this way or the other.. I just found it very disturbing. I don’t like people who disrespect human relation be it your ex or anybody else. Whatever maybe the reason was for breaking up, making fun I don’t find it good. Maybe I am conservative, but I don’t like such things.
Her politics.
Having issues and expecting me to deal with the fallout when they reared up.
Also, knowing she had issues and doing nothing about them. Apparently she felt really bad about blowing up or melting down… but just not bad enough to change.
When she gained a lot of weight. Hard to respect her when she doesn’t respect herself enough to stay at a healthy weight.