My (26f) bf (29m) says that he’s unable to think during sex, essentially. Like he physically isn’t able to, getting what he says. I think he’s too focused on going in and finishing, so it ends up not being as long or as pleasant as I would like. He says it’s because we’ve gone so long without regular sex, and that if we have more of it then he should get better.
First of all, wtf? That sounds like a completely controllable problem to me, if you just practice being mindful and aware of things. Second, why would I want to have more sex if it’s not as nice as I would like AND it feels like I’m just being used as a means to an end?
I don’t know much about the male brain and how y’all think when it comes to sex, or how you think during sex or whatever. I don’t know if this is a relatively normal thing for guys to feel like, or if I should continue to tell my bf that he sounds dumb and he needs to work on fixing that, regardless of how much or little sex we have.
8 comments
>I don’t know much about the male brain and how y’all think when it comes to sex,
We’re not all that way, in fairness, but some guys just simply are focused on their own needs during sex. You should be very up front with him about the fact you are not being satisfied and if things don’t change you should consider whether it’s a deal breaker.
Telling him he’s dumb isn’t going to help your sex life… but he could just masturbate more. It sounds counter productive to helping your sex life, but While masturbating, he could learn to stay hard while thinking about other things. Or to help him last longer, whatever.
I’m a male and i can tell you i can think during sex. I’m always trying to make sure my wife is fully satisfied before i even think of myself.
It took me until around 40 to realize that “sex” was a lot more than an orgasm.
I’m not sure where you’re located, but in the US sex education, especially sex positive education, is still very sparse. Culturally, we accept violence easier than sex. :/
As for your specific scenario, it sounds like you both have a wonderful opportunity to meet each other halfway. I read that you both want to have *more* *enjoyable* sex. Your BF is focused on the “more” part, and you’re focusing on the “enjoyable” part. These are not mutually exclusive and are the way to build a bridge in your communication. Treat your partner like a partner, not an adversary. (Clearly he needs to do the same. It’s not ok to have it one sided)
No it’s not normal. You shouldn’t have too much of an issue finding another partner that is both able to think about sex and has the desire to make sex enjoyable, pleasant and fulfilling for you.
But at the same time I think your chances of changing your 29 year old boyfriend’s sexual performance here is between slim and none. You need to think very hard about whether this is something you can be 100% OK with for the rest of your life or if his actions are a deal breaker for you. So choose wisely.
With that said the only way I can think of to possibly improve this for you is to make it clear that you need more foreplay and sexual attention, including him brining you to orgasm manually or orally, before you two start PIV. That way if he gets to the part where he can’t think at the end of sex session, after you’ve had the attention you need, including an appropriate time of cuddling and foreplay, then you won’t be quite so disappointed. Of course this presumes that you’d actually be OK with the PIV portion of an encounter being brief – and it’s OK if you’re not. If he can’t agree and adjust to this then you two are just sexually incompatible.
I don’t think I understand this post properly… how is him not being able to think causing a problem?
Are you saying that he finishes too quickly and so you’re calling him selfish and not mindful? Or are there other issues like not being sensual or touching you the way you want?
You need to actually tell us what the problem is for us to give advice. You’re being way too vague.
But to answer your title question: yes, sexual arousal literally ”turns down” the part of a mans brain which is responsible for cognition so it just doesn’t work properly. Varies from guy to guy and depending on his level or arousal but it definitely happens.
I’m not quite following. He’s saying he’d like to have sex more because you’re rarely having sex and your solution is to withhold sex even more as a punishment because he’s “dumb” and things aren’t exactly the way you think they should be?
In the original post you said he wasn’t lasting as long as you wanted, then in a comment you said it was the exact opposite. Which is it? It sounds like you’re purposely withholding sex in order to force him to perform the way you want without any regard for what he wants, which doesn’t really put this in a good light.
I’m sure this will get downvoted because it’s a post about a guy and I didn’t immediately say to dump him because he’s a monster, but I’m not sure I get what your point is.
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