When I was younger, years 7-10, I used to ride around on our family 4-wheeler and would sing at the top of my lungs. I was so free and happy when I got to do this. Little did I know, my mom and everyone else could hear me singing over the exhaust of the 4-wheeler.
I was super shy as a kid. Had I known they could hear me, I probably wouldn’t have sung so loud. My mom is very extroverted and talks to anyone. Anytime I had friends over she would tell them how I would sing super loud on the 4-wheeler and it got to where it would embarrass me because my friends would laugh. Then she would tell my older brother’s friends, and her friends and even the freaking clerk at the grocery store as small talk! Literally everyone she came into contact with. They all laughed! I’m sure it was more of an “aww, that’s cute.” But it still embarrassed me and she would continuously tell everyone even when I begged her not to. I stopped inviting people over, like boyfriends as I got older, because I knew she would bring that up and I hated it. When I would ask her not to share this to people, she ignored me. She told my now husband about it of course when we first started dating and he likes to joke about it and thinks it’s cute. I do not.
He begs me to sing in front of him to the radio in the car and I downright refuse. My coworkers all sing and hum to the radio but I won’t. When I try to, it feels alien and I feel the embarrassment all over again which ruins any joy. I would really like to overcome this and start signing again.
This sounds like a very minor issue but I don’t talk to my mom and haven’t in a long time. She turned into an alcoholic and junky years ago and I want nothing to do with it. It took me almost a decade to realize she was really bullying me back then.
6 comments
I have a similar problem. When I was younger and would sing around the house my mother would tell me “Don’t quit your day job.” Now I feel embarrassed to sing even when I’m alone. It sucks when small things like that can take away great joys. You being made to feel embarrassed to sing isn’t funny, I’m sorry you’re going through that
Talk to a therapist. Or just start singing to the radio when you are alone in the car, if you can do that. Find a way that suits you, to find the fun again.
Find a choir, a band or a acapella group.
Whoever makes jokes about you singing, don‘t sing in front of them and never invite them to your concerts. Instead invite friends who appreciate you singing.
At least this way you can sing in safe spaces
I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
I would suggest two steps. Counselling. You deserved full support for your singing. Her shaming you was about her, not you. Making herself feel better by cutting you down.
But you can’t change the past, but it is critical to grieve the unconditional love that you didn’t get.
And I would really encourage you to get singing lessons. This will help you re-discover something that clearly gave you joy.
if you’re into exploring this avenue, look up videos on how to heal the throat chakra
I have huge anxiety around singing! No particular story or reason why, I just would never do it and would get pressured to sing. I just have a terrible voice and it’s not a talent so I don’t sing. I used to sing if I knew I was alone, even in the car when my mom would run into the grocery store I used to look forward to singing alone, but I suck haha.
What kind of broke my never sing in public policy was having my daughter. She responds so well to singing (15 months old) it’s how she best learns and gets her attention. Now I sing nursery songs all the time to her no matter who is around. Do I sound good? NO. But my daughter eats it up. I’m hoping to foster music in her and encourage her to sing even if her voice isn’t amazing, its fun to do.