I’d been introduced to this guy by a friend of my mom’s. We went on a date, saw each other at family functions a few times, went out two more times, had sex. By all accounts, he seemed incredibly into me and talked to me the whole time at these dinners, as one person pointed out, they could tell he liked me by the way he looked at me. He was very complimentary of me and flirty and romantic. We ended up sleeping together. The last time we saw each other, I was about to travel for three weeks for work and then thanksgiving. I know he also traveled for Thanksgiving in that time. He told me what an amazing time he had with me, and to let him know when I’m back. We text a little while I’m gone here and there. Three weeks later, I text him that I’m back, and he says that he has started dating someone.
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I feel really blindsided. I thought that we were at the start of something. It feels like this happened so fast, that one, my instinct is that he was probably already dating this girl prior to me leaving. And also, I feel so hurt. I know we were still getting to know each other, but it felt like he really liked me and I just feel hurt by how quickly this change occurred. I totally understand going on a few dates and not feeling it, or telling me he didn’t see us going further. It happens! But this just hurt extra and has really thrown me for a loop. I also just know, if I felt like things were getting serious with someone else, I wouldn’t have carried on with me the way he did. I wouldn’t have slept with him if I knew three weeks later (or less) that he’d be dating someone else. I just feel really played and terrible, or is this just modern dating?
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tldr: started seeing a guy and thought it was going well, was gone for three weeks, and when I reach back out he’s dating someone?
7 comments
I mean 3 weeks with minimal contact and not seeing someone is a little while for a friend or a relative. 3 Weeks minimal contact and not seeing your SO is torture. 3 weeks with minimal contact and not seeing someone you’re “seeing” is forever. He likely took it as wrong place, wrong time/not worth the wait and moved on.
That’s what dating is all about. You learn about each other. He learned about you and he learned about someone else. He liked her more. She may have been an old flame, an ex, a crush that suddenly became available.
It’s possible he’s a jerk and led you on, but after only a few weeks of dating you can’t expect a solid relationship. He may have been dating more than just you.
He also might not want a relationship with someone who travels for their job.
I think the problem these days is that people date and speak to multiple people at the same time, only stopping after a conversation of being “exclusive” happens.
I guess if you were gone for more than 3 weeks and were not speaking regularly, he must have kept dating someone else in the mean time and they formed a better connection.
I don’t like the way people date anymore. I guess, however, it’s on both of you to communicate what you’d like or expect of each other.
When you are first starting to get to know someone, I think it’s pretty common to potentially be getting to know others as well. If you didn’t have the exclusivity talk, that’s completely fair game.
I understand why your expectations were maybe a bit high and definitely why you would feel disappointed. But… timing is a thing in relationships and it seems like the timing was just off on this one.
You didn’t talk to him for three weeks, if you’re still new into seeing him, that to most people would be a sign that you aren’t interested. I would never wait three weeks for someone to talk to me. I’m not saying you did anything wrong, but its completely understandable that he would’ve taken that as a sign you’re not interested and moved on
You were just getting to know him and just starting out and you jumped in the sack with him pretty quickly. Well he isn’t serious and you two definitely had to expecations of commitment. Take your time and don’t rush things. All you can do is move on.
I wanted to add that you’re allowed to feel however you feel. Is it fair to feel hurt? Absolutely. But that doesn’t mean that he did anything wrong. Or that you did anything wrong by not talking to him for 3 weeks. Stuff happens, he liked her more, you’re hurt because you like him more than he liked you. Would you rather he kept seeing you even when he was more invested in someone else? He was honest, and that honesty hurt to hear. But that’s life.