Throwaway account. TLDR at the bottom.
Me (27M) and my wife (29F) have been together for about 9 years now and married for 2. I like to think we have a perfect marriage, with both our families and friends always commenting how happy we look and how in love we are which is true. I love my wife and have never thought about leaving/cheating on her. But,
About a week ago my wife and I went out to watch a band play at a small venue and she decided to bring her work friend with her who was also a huge fan of the band. She has alot of single girl friends who often third wheel us on dates and events so nothing new or weird.
My wife and her friend work close to the venue so I agreed I would meet them there. When I arrive my wife introduces us and I’m taken aback as her friend wasn’t like the other friends she has. For reference my wife and her friends are all out going party girls who like to get dressed up but her work friend was more the innocent type who never goes out at all.
After watching the band we went out to get food and her friend and I often would stare at each other while my wife was talking. My wife even said are you guys going to talk or just stare at each other. I snapped out of it pretty quickly and for the rest of the night I was concentrating on not staring or even looking in her friends direction. Not much else happened the rest of the night and we drop her off home after.
A couple days later the two of them go out for dinner and drinks after work and I always pick my wife after events but this time she asked if we could drop her friend off on the way and I agree. The whole car ride home her friend and I were making jokes and talking but I could tell my wife was feeling left out so I changed it up a bit to try include her. After we drop her friend off my wife says, you two get along well in a joking way and I just shrugged it off as trying to be friendly.
Its been hard trying to get her friend out of my head but for some reason I can’t. I don’t want to leave my wife but for some reason I feel really drawn and connected I guess to her friend. I’ve felt myself get distant from my wife this past week and even at work I’m making mistakes I normally wouldn’t just because its been on my mind alot.
Just wondering if anyone has been in this position before and how do I move on from this.
​
TLDR; My wife introduced me to her work friend and we got along well now I can’t stop thinking about her. Where to from here?
2 comments
Here’s the issue.
You’re on the precipice of one the most negative mental health experiences your partner will ever endure.
This will fuck her over beyond anything you’re likely to experience.
You really willing to gamble your partners wellbeing at this level of stakes?
Be a good human , step over your fantasy.
You’re not the first person to develop a crush on someone outside of a long term relationship. This happens all the time. Doesn’t make it any easier when you’re going through pretty hard it for the first time.
Sometimes when people act on these impulses they end up regretting it. They create a fantasy in their head that reality can’t live up to. At some point they end up missing their spouse/long term partner.
Other times people realize it’s not that they want to be with someone new, it’s just time for their long term relationship to end.
Of course, people also cheat all the time. Emotionally, physically. Don’t recommend this route. (But I’m honest to a fault. I talked to my husband about an extra marital crush I had when this happened to me.)
If you want to get over it and keep your marriage maybe consider taking some solo time to reflect. Write down everything that’s on your mind about this woman and get it TF out of your head. See where you end up.