30M, big city. I was seeing a woman for a few months at the end of the summer. It was “exclusive”, but there was no stated commitment, just a casual 1-2x per week thing which was a lot of fun.
She broke it off due to not having the capacity to be dating at the time, which I think was genuine — she was going through board exams and starting a new job as a physician. I had a bunch of junk going on too. In hindsight, dating was probably an escapist behavior for both of us. Either way, availability or disinterest, no sense in dating someone who says they can’t be, so we parted amicably and haven’t been in touch for 2 months.
Unfortunately, it was a bit of a cliffhanger emotionally, which threw me for a loop. I was to the point of thorough intrigue; the poor communication in defining things made it really confusing.
Now, *I’m* in a much better spot (at least in life circumstances) to be dating and I have been seeing other people, but I’m obviously not over this woman and it’s impacting my emotional availability generally. I’d like to reach out to her to, perhaps wishfully, get *some* kind of conclusion, whether that’s reigniting things or clean closure, but it feels a little self-indulgent and presumptuous to do so.
What’s the best approach? Any similar experiences?
4 comments
Try reaching out for her try to setup a casual date. I would say go for it dude. I would hate to not try and then wonder for the rest of my life on what it “could have been”. You have nothing to lose only something amazing to potentially gain.
This is how my husband and I started out. We were not so exclusively hooking up for a year. Neither of us were in a place to commit. But the connection was there.
We aren’t romantic people so there were no grand gestures. In fact, I texted him asking if we could just be officially saying already. He said as long as it doesn’t change us fundamentally. That was four years ago, and we’re now married with a three month old.
OP, don’t hurt yourself or waste more time on her. She broke up with you. Exes are exes for a reason. Let her go. Look for a woman who’s available and enthusiastic about you.
Kind of in a similar situation at the moment where I would like to reach out after ending amicably and 3 months without contact. Still debating if I should…