As the title says. I’m a long time lurker/commenter, first time poster. Throw away account.
I (17f) have been dating my (ex) boyfriend (17 m) for 8 months now. Our relationship was so healthy. We hardly ever had any issues and if we did, they got resolved immediately. We loved each other and everything seemed great… but I guess it wasn’t.
He texted me today asking if he could call me. Ended up just breaking up with me. His only reason was that something just didn’t feel right. The thing is, there were no warning signs. He never acted differently. Physically things were going great. We were each others support.
Talking to a friend of his (we’ll call her C), apparently there were rumors going on at his school about him making out/being touchy with a girl who he is best friends with (let’s call her A). I have been wary of their relationship before. She had moved away years ago I guess but this school year moved back and they became good friends again, he would even talk about her all the time to me. What worried me was when I was on a date with him, he got a text from his friend asking if he was with A. He immediately in front of me texted back “no I’m with (me), why would you ask that?” but I found the entire situation really weird. I told him about how I felt like something was going on but I didn’t want to be insecure. He told me my feelings were absolutely valid, assured me nothing was going on, and said he even thought A was gay. (This happened in October).
After this one incident he never really talked about her anymore and there were never any more issues. But now C believes he may have cheated (and we found out he has a history of this and I am #3… C turned out to be #2.) He finds someone new and leaves who he was with. He left #1 and immediately got with C, they were together 2 weeks when he left her and got with me. He and I were talking the entire time he was with C. C and I did not know this. That being said, I have no doubts he’s going to run to A after breaking up with me.
I feel like an idiot. I was so blindsided by him. I was with him the past two days and he acted like everything was absolutely perfect. He was going to watch my dog for a trip I had planned next weekend.
We had a Christmas movie date planned. We talked about Christmas presents for each other. Physically he was as affectionate as always. I just do not understand how this could be happening so out of nowhere. He told me just this morning that he loved me.
What do I do and how can I move on? This is my first relationship. I know I’m young and I know there will be others. What I can’t get past is how sudden and out of nowhere this is, and how blindsided I am.
How can I move on, preferably very quickly? I have already deleted everything with him. We work together but in our environment it should be easy to avoid each other. How do I move on?
tl;dr: I was completely blindsided by a breakup that seemed out of nowhere. How do I quickly move on and heal, and learn to trust again?
2 comments
>What I can’t get past is
This happened just today? Like in under 24 hours?
Yeah… don’t worry about moving on or how to move on right now. Today’s job is just to be sad and to mourn your 8 month relationship. Even though your boyfriend turned out to be a giant flaming turd, it doesn’t make this whole thing mean nothing. It meant something to YOU and that’s worth mourning.
You’re not going to be able to see a path forward today even if internet strangers spell it out for you. Today is about shock and pain and sadness. You’re not thinking clearly, even though you may WANT To have a plan of action and a path forward.
You’ll get those. Really, you will. Even if you can’t see it right now, you’ll find a way to move on. At your own pace. It’s not a race. Imagine you’ve been in a pretty gnarly skiing accident or something. Right now you’re like “I gotta get up and get back to the lodge” and everyone else is like “oh shit, no. Lie down. You’ve got like a leg bone sticking out. Wait for the paramedics.”
Wait for the paramedics. Get some comfort food, binge something on Netflix, call a friend, set pictures of him on fire.
Plenty of time to move on later.
> I just do not understand how this could be happening so out of nowhere. He told me just this morning that he loved me.
This just seems like typical behavior from a 17 year old dude who’s only thinking about himself…which is a lot of 17 year olds. There could be some sociopath tendencies but….17 year old guys full of testosterone are going to act like this more often than not.
Obviously, thats not to say its an excuse. Clearly he treated you like trash, and didnt. communicate with you the way you deserved. So I’m totally on your side here.
>What do I do and how can I move on? This is my first relationship. I know I’m young and I know there will be others. What I can’t get past is how sudden and out of nowhere this is, and how blindsided I am.
Breakups hurt almost every single time. It never really gets easier. Even if the relationship sucked, the sudden change in your day to day schedule and mentality will make you feel shitty. Losing somebody almost always sucks.
There’s no magic formula or trick to “get over” something. Ultimately, its just time. Guys tend to think they can just hit the bar and/or club and find women to make themselves feel better….but it actually makes everything worse. The important part is figuring out why you feel the way you feel, then coming to terms with it. And most importantly, you have to learn from this experience. Clearly, you did not see the signs. The fact you were completely blindsided tells me that A. you were kind of oblivious to how your SO was feeling AND B. He was doing a great job of making you feel like nothing was wrong. Part of that comes from inexperience (on your side) and part of it is that your ex was a piece of shit. You will be much more aware about these things moving forward, which should help you see things earlier than you did here.
Honestly though, I think these shit relationships are the most important part of growing up. This is reality. Shit things happen from time to time, and its up to us to learn from it and evolve.