So I’m a male, 39, and I’ve been single and more or less in complete isolation for over awhile now. Since my mental state worsened a 10 years back, I met partners through work and dating apps. I had a bad reaction to a group of meds I was told to start from a VA psychiatrist 4 years ago and I ended up suffering a spike in symptoms and have since become 100 percent disabled through the VA system because of my inability to work and function normally on a daily basis. It’s unfortunately really embarrassing for me in regards to meeting people and it’s greatly diminished my confidence. Like “Hey, I’m blank, and I don’t work because of mental issues related to my time in the military.” I go back and forth between this means I’m not ready for a partner and I deserve someone. I don’t drink or use drugs and the not drinking, after developing alcoholism a decade ago, was what let to using apps or meeting people through work as my ability to be in social situations without discomfort increased. Does anyone have any advice or has anyone dealt with something similar with a positive outcome?
4 comments
I wish I had great advice for you, or a magic wand to make this easier. Though I haven’t personally been in the service, I have a few family members who have served and my family has served in the United States since the revolutionary war. Currently, I have an older cousin who (is younger than you) seems to be in the same position. He is self destructing and a few of his friends have exited life early through their own hand, so I’m really worried about him. I think you are in a better position because you are not drinking, and that is really important. I commend you for that! I’m not sure if telling you anything like this is helpful, and I hope that a veteran can give you some advice. Perhaps it just lets you know that you are not alone?
In anycase, I hate to say it, but I think that the same advice goes for you as everyone else. You’ll have to work hard to put yourself out there. It might be one of the next biggest challenges for you. I’m hopeful you can find a girl who can understand what you have been through. I sincerely wish you luck. Thanks! ~Melanie.
I can’t share any experiences, sorry, but let me tell you how i see you from this post:
I see someone who is willing to commit, who is aware that “mental health” is a thing and who is trying to get better. You are self-aware and you seem to know what you are looking for.
Of course nobody is going to say “oh great, he has a disability and that stops him from being able to work! What a steal!”, but you also have a lot of positive aspects (and you can always claim you are not working because you are a communist and you protest capitalism to appear more interesting).
You are not an addict and if you are also not violent you are actually quite a good deal.
For the social situations, just acquire a hobby that you can talk about as you would talk about work. Become a champion quilt maker. Rescue paraplegic hamsters from petco and give them a wonderful life. Educate people about wild parrots that are threatened by the pet trade. Tutor new world of warcraft players. Lots of options really.
The more that you can work on your own healing, the better success you will find in a relationship. If you haven’t watched how to change your mind on Netflix, that could be worth a watch. MDMA and ketamine therapy are making waves in the treatment of many mental issues. The researchers explain that we don’t fully understand how or why, but psychedelics can help to treat more of the core problem vs. most medications today doing a mediocre job of testing the symptoms. Best of luck to you.
I struggle from PTSD and a panic disorder (panic meaning I experience physical symptoms like uncontrollable heart rate, trouble breathing, general hell) . I’ve basically summed it up as emotional stress + mental stress + physical stress = a panic attack . If any of those factors gets too high it puts me into a tailspin. Fortunately I’m on a benzodiazepine that mitigates my panic episodes and allows me to live a somewhat normal life. After I date someone and I feel comfortable with them, I’m able to open up more about my condition and I explain any known triggers I try to avoid. (I.e. caffeine, too much alcohol, lack of sleep, etc..) it’s really focused on me living a healthy lifestyle and in the last several years I’ve only had partial panic events that I was able to calm before they became full blown panic attacks. It’s hard, but when you find the right person you’ll know.