men please tell me I’d like to know!

17 comments

1. Lots of scammers, lots of ghosting.

2. I enjoyed online dating mainly because it was convenient way for me to meet women, I thought of it as putting myself out there while I slept and did my other things through the day. I met my girlfriend through online dating and took pleasure in getting to know about the other females lives and taking a genuine interest in them, which some were actually surprised of me to do that instead of sending these weird messages and dick pics and whatnot because I asked them about their experiences with it and I was amazed at some of the stuff I heard lol

3. Not a place for average men to find someone. I have more succes and fun talking to women irl.

4. Matches are rare and you usually don’t get a reply. Many women promote their instagram (and sometimes onlyfans) there. There are also profiles where you wont see the woman without a filter or wont see her at all. Over all the experience is what you would expect from apps that profit from having you use them for as long as possible

5. Very easy to get a ton of matches. Once I’m going through new matches read their profile and decide if I actually want to message them, around 1/4 I unmatch for second thoughts on looks, 1/4 their bio sucked and offers no help for an introductionary message. Of those I message, they respond, we chat, and I close, I’d say now I’m left with around 15% of the original total matches

6. So far it’s been challenging. I’m on my 3rd attempt. I’m 31 and never used online dating prior to a few months ago.

   Like many men, I’ve struggled to get many matches and I haven’t been on any dates through the app yet. At first I took it pretty hard as an attack on my physical attractiveness, which had some good and bad effects – good in that it’s motivated me to eat healthier, do a lot of exercise, put more effort into personal style etc., but bad in that it’s been living rent free in my mind and undermining my confidence.

   Eventually I learned that the problem is more to do with whether my photos are flattering than with my actual physical attractiveness. So now I’m working on getting better photos, I’ve got into the habit of asking friends to take photos of me when I’m out doing stuff, and I run the photos through photofeeler to get them rated for attractiveness etc. I just launched my 3rd profile today and I have a few matches already, so I think it’s working. There’s still plenty of room for optimisation though, and I expect to be in noticeably better shape in a few months’ time, and I’m expecting to be able to take some good photos at a few events I have coming up.

   I’m low key obsessed with this optimisation process now. It’s sort of a positive thing now that I’m actually seeing some improvement in my match rate. But it’s also occupying a lot of mental bandwidth, although I do tend to go through phases of being very hyperfocused on one thing so I expect I’ll burn out on it in a few months. Overall I have very mixed feelings about it, I haven’t got any dates from it, but I have done a bunch of self-improvement.

7. it differs from culture and countries? not sure if that helps

8. I haven’t had a match in 3 years with the exception of bots and 2 scammers. It is extremely damaging to my self esteem and self worth.

9. Girls looking for validation or hook-ups. Getting ghosted or neglected from the start even if you match. Bad attitudes and delusional standards.

10. I lasted 2 months before I deleted them and it’s unlikely that I will ever join one again 😔

    My **experience** summed up:

    * the overwhelming majority of women refuse to purchase a subscription to be able to view and reciprocate “likes” if they want to which drastically reduced my chances of matching, especially given my ≤3% like rate
    * during the first month, I had 1-3 likes/day, during the second month I had about 1-2/week
    * I rarely matched with women that I liked, and most of the times that I did, they were most likely scammers *(for which I take responsibility)*
    * I ended up going on one date which went well but not well enough to lead to a second one – I intended to see her again because I tend to give people chances and not rush to judgment but she didn’t feel like it
    * my potential mates belonged to 2 categories: women that I didn’t find attractive and some of them had some personal information (from which I received virtually every like that I didn’t initiate myself) and women that I found attractive but none of them had any personal information and based on how they carried themselves in their pictures, they were more likely to be trash, unworthy of investing myself in them

11. I’m a 28 M and I didn’t have any luck despite being physically fit, promoting the fact that I can cook, and that I have a stable job. I’m most likely going to give it another shot this spring or summer. In the meantime, I will continue the process of hopefully adding on more muscle and tweaking some other aspects of my appearance. I know that the age range of the early 20s to early 30s is very competitive. However, I’m attractive, and being 5’7 ish with shoes on means I’m around average height so I know I have a shot.

12. I feel like i try to have a profile that shows i can be personable, im very introverted and my past life experiences make it hard for me to trust people. That being said, im super easy going and easy to get along with.

    Just a little background, i dont think im bad looking but I havent gotten 1 match on one of these dating apps (tinder,bumble,hinge). Not sure what im doing wrong but i just chalk it up to i am too average for woman.

13. Not a place most men should be spending their time if they value their self-worth to be quite honest.

14. every time I go on a dating website its a scam nothing but fake women, I mean they dont even exist it’s nothing but AI’s, and when I find the rare, real woman on the websites they want you to pay up like its a damn strip club or the tell you to sub to only fans, like I’m honestly sick of the shit and its annoying, there are legitimate guys out here who are trying to find someone and its like the entire female race is giving us a fat middle finger, and for context I’m not a bad looking guy, I’m not overweight or anything.

15. Trash. Little to no matches. The ones that do match don’t speak.

16. Miserable at best. I’m a good looking dude and struggle to get matches. I have tinder premium and hasn’t worked so far.

    Convos are super stale and I do all the talking & asking questions with no questions asked in return.

    Overall terrible experience

17. After my divorce I went into OLD not expecting much. Things went way better than I’d hoped. I regularly got matches and dates. Had a handful of ONS and a handful of FWBs. I met my girlfriend using OLD about 8 months ago and haven’t used them since I met.