I work part time and am a university student. My gf messaged me to say her family (parents + auntie) were having takeout and asked if I wanted to join. She’d previously been round at my parents and didn’t offer to pay… I didn’t expect her to as I was the one who invited her over. She picked me up and we drove to the takeout place and she got me to place the order, she said “god this is going to cost so much” as her family and her wanted like two meals each… I only wanted half of one meal. I said I can pay my meal if it’s a problem. I then asked how much money to take out of the cash machine and she says take out $25 and I’ll take out $25… I didn’t say anything… my meal was only $4. The total came to like $45, I handed over the cash… and she took the $5 change… she didn’t say or even mention to her family I paid for more than half of the takeout. She didn’t even say thanks. It’s coming up to Christmas and I’ve told her I want to save some money up for present I need to buy. I don’t have a lot as I work part time… she has triple what I have in my bank account at the moment. I spoke to some close friends and they have said that it rude on her part… It’s the last time I eat takeout with her family again. Do I confront her? And how so?
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I’ll agree with you that she was rude in the situation. But the bigger issue here is your lack of communication. You offered to pay (for your meal granted), but you also asked how much you should take out which didn’t make a lot of sense.
You’re now saying it’s the last time you eat takeout with her family as if her family wronged you. You need to start speaking up about how you feel. Just be honest. Good luck.
Your GF sounds like a user, but it may just be immaturity and thoughtlessness.
You should have said something at the time to her.
Is she usually like this?
I had a cousin who pulled crap like this and he was pocketing money his parents gave him.
Why would you hand her the entire $25 instead of just $5? Also I’ve never been able to get only $5 out of an ATM. It’s always been a minimum of $20.
So she offered to get takeout for her family and didn’t want to pay for it.
Then she didn’t mention that you paid for it to them.
Sounds like there is a reason she has triple in her bank account than you do and it is because she pulls shit like this.
Rude isn’t even close, she is using you to pay her bills so she doesn’t have to dig into her own pocket for her own family.
So how do you confront her? Well depends on how petty you want to be. I am petty and I would in front of her family ask for the £15 she owes you for the takeout the other night.
Then ask them if she offered to pay for the meal or did they pay her back?
If you want to keep this leach as a girlfriend then save £15 from whatever present you were going to get her and say that you couldn’t afford what you were going to get because of paying for the takeout she ordered the other night as you were not expecting to have to pay to feed her family on a student budget. Or something like that. Or forget to bring your card next time she asks you to come with for something and say it doesn’t matter because you are broke anyway and if only you had that £15 quid from the other day you would have been able to give her something towards the food.
Or carry cash like £5 only ever is also an option.
She’s clueless. She has no idea this was an issue for you, and she never will unless you tell her. It doesn’t have to be a confrontation, just calmly tell her the facts and let her know it won’t be happening again.
How long have you been together? How well do you know each other?
You need to learn to speak up for yourself. If you knew your meal was $4, you could’ve taken out $10 and said “that’s all I can afford”. It’s OK for you to say “I can’t afford to spend $25 on your family’s food”.
I don’t know why she would do this or why her family wouldn’t pay you back. But asking questions and speaking up for yourself is a good thing. I used to worry that people would be mad at me if I spoke up about things that bothered me. Don’t worry about that. Look out for your own best interests and if you feel pressured or don’t know what to day in the moment, take a minute to step back and think about what’s happening and how you feel about it.
At the cash machine you asked “how much”, when you could’ve/should’ve said “I can only afford X”. You have no obligation to pay for her family’s food.
Use this as a learning experience and try to think of any other situations where your GF may have taken advantage of you. I don’t know that that’s her intention, but this whole thing is odd on her part and her family’s part, as well.
I hope this helps. Best of luck.
The topic at hand I’ll say she definitely is wrong and sounds like a user. But more importantly…
>It’s coming up to Christmas and I’ve told her I want to save some money up for present I need to buy.
You know you have like 12 days right? I’m stressed for you.
The issue isn’t her family. it’s your communication with her. If she expected you to pay so much it should have been discussed prior and you need to explain that to her. She should not have expected you to pay anything but your part. You should tell her you don’t have the budget for stuff like that. And if you did, you need to be clued in from the beginning. If you don’t set boundaries this will continue. Maybe she just assumed you wanted to help when you asked how much you should get out. It could be an innocent misunderstanding. But she should have also said you helped pay for the meal. That was rude and inconsiderate. Communication is very important in a relationship.
You just got taken for a ride. It’s up to you how many more times you let that happen.
In other words, in case it’s not completely obvious, this was a coordinated enemy action. You should not be in a relationship with people who regard you as a mark. Expect more of the same. Sure, you can set a boundary around dining, but she will just look for another avenue to fleece you, all the while insisting that you’re the unreasonable one for not willingly opening a vein and letting them bleed you dry.
Drop the con artist and go live your best life.
I think the issue is more a communication problem here. You guys need to discuss how you handle situations like this better in the future.