When I(20F) was 15 I used to always daydream about sex and masturbated quite alot, I could even say I was addicted to it, 2years later I found myself not having any sexual desires at all, I tried mastubating from time to time but it just felt boring, when I moved for college I got a vibrator, it felt super amazing at first but then it gradually started feeling less intense so I just gave up, I thought that maybe if I had real sex with a guy it would for sure make me shake, I believed that even a slight touch from a dude would make me drown in my panties, I finally assembled the courage last week and decided to venture a little with this guy I like, to note that I get butterflies whenever I’m arround him, so we met and started the foreplay and to my shock I didnt feel anything, I dont even know what emotions were supposed to be there, ppl talk abt sex like its something euphoric and ecstatic, I was waiting for some fireworks down there but I just felt numb, I didnt get the least turned on, I was just dumbstruck I stayed silent and fixated my eyes on the roof the whole time it was awkward, and I felt bad for the guy, he was really waiting for a response from me, I just had to stop him and tell him I’m not ready to avoid further embassment, is there something wrong with me? Or is sex just super overrated? Am I actually asexual? I’ve been super confused since and I would like to read about different experiences to know more abt this
3 comments
It’s completely normal to have sexual desire go up and down, for many stress and big life changes can affect it. You’ve gone from a teen to an adult, there are a lot of new responsibilities as you get older and try to figure out what you want to do with your life. Not surprising if that has sidelined your libido.
Hormonal birth control can also affect libido so if you started that, then that likely plays a role too.
Lastly, sometimes it’s about the right person. I have a medium high libido but the vast majority of men can’t get me aroused. I need someone that has juuuust the right kind of personality and while a crush might it isn’t always enough. So your experience with this guy might just be a result of you looking for your libido more than having an actual interest in him.
I would give it time if I was you. Try to do things for yourself that make you relaxed and feel good about yourself. That always helps me when my libido takes a vacation for whatever reason. And mine has been gone for years then came back again. So I absolutely wouldn’t worry about it being permanent, it’s probably just temporary.
I’m a bit older than you (late 30s, female) and your first time sounds like a lot like my first few times. I was really preoccupied with sex, but when I had it, it was a total letdown.
Sex is the sort of thing that tends to get better for you, the more experienced you are with it. You also get better at choosing partners with whom you share that sexual chemistry that will make the encounter good.
Over the years my libido has generally been very high, but there’s been 2-3 bouts of where I felt like I lost it completely, which sucked, but it always came back. The loss usually correlated with stress at work, a major break-up, or some situational depression. I learned to relax when my libido was a bit down, and just be patient for it to return.
This scenario you’re describing doesn’t sound like a loss of libido, it just sounds like a lack of sexual experience, and a lack of sexual intensity between you and this specific guy.
Btw I also find that vibrators only work for me if my mind is fully engaged with the experience, and I’m envisioning a good fantasy scenario.
Ever since I started masterbating. I have been doing it 3-5 times a day including edging. Maybe you are getting used to the feeling?