I think a lot of the times men need to put in so much effort to make women feel safe but what makes you feel safe around women?

32 comments

1. Witnesses.

2. When she is blunt and clear about what she wants

3. A history of stability, support, patience, and understanding. In fairness, that’s generally what I need to trust men too.

4. At least 3 feet of distance if I’m around a woman I am unacquainted with.

5. I don’t have any need to feel physically safe. But emotionally safe….

   I feel safe to open up when shes not checking things off on her list of things she’s looking for. But instead she is just genuinely curious about me, judgement free.

   Unfortunately I think most people are running through checklists and on guard for red flags pretty much all the time.

6. When I don’t talk of my feelings

7. Nothing

8. For me it is knowing them for a very long time…like 1 year+ and never seeing them lie/be manipulative/shallow/excessively bitchy(some is fine, I accept that Karen at work is a cunt, don’t worry)
   This is what shows me that a person has good character and that is what makes me feel safe.

9. Loyalty and respect is a huge one. Sadly often when men need something to feel safe it’s twisted into a negative accusation against him.

10. Surveillance footage

11. When she doesnt play any games, like ‘ I want to break up’ just to create drama. Also not constantly talking to other dudes. We all have boundaries, and those are mine.

12. I come from a family where it was normal for the women to call the cops and lie about being hit etc in order to punish or control men. I don’t feel safe around any woman much like they don’t feel safe if a man’s walking behind them in the city at night.

13. Honesty, not being overly reactionary (like beyond a reasonable amount I mean), not talking shit about others behind their back, responding with emotional maturity when we choose to be vulnerable or express our emotions. And communication.

    We’re not afraid of being physically hurt by women, we’re afraid of being mentally, emotionally, and socially hurt by women.

14. I don’t

15. I generally feel safe around women (around most people, for that matter).

16. Be more predictable.

    I feel most emotionally unsafe when she reacts differently to the same things over time. The worst is when her excuse has zero to do with me, like “I’m stressed at work”. You’re supposed to not punish me for things I didn’t do.

17. Nothing

18. When they feed me.

19. The only woman I feel safe around is my mother.

20. Thank you for asking this question. It’s not asked nearly enough. Trust is huge and that is linked with a woman who can communicate openly and clearly not only about her boundaries but about life in general.

21. referring to romantic relationships, when I don’t think I need to be perfect for her to love me

22. A way to the door. Knowing that at any moment I can stand up and walk away without someone blocking my way, it’s amazing.

    I hate when people block the door, sometimes I wish to just push them away, but that’s bad

23. Separate accounts and pre-nuptual agreements.

    Edit: typo. jeeze.

24. When she actually cares that I have feelings to. She isn’t responsible for them. they can just be.

    She is caring to me. She can nurture and love me without feeling “like she is my mom”

    I get that bullshit too fucking much.

    She gives love.

25. those moments when you’re laying on their laps and they’re stroking your hair. i’ve never felt more safe than in those moments.

26. She listens to me when I need to vent (or otherwise communicate, for that matter). And, most importantly, she lets me be little spoon on occasion

27. When she is loving, affectionate, and doesn’t treat me like a “man child”, a box that a lot of “empowered” women put men into.

28. Her being a consistently decent person.

    I am not worried about a woman attacking me physically, I am worried about her getting me attacked by either malice or stupidity. Or lesser consequences from the same effect.

29. Hair mussing and back scratches.

30. Probably would depend on their conduct during our first major disagreement, if we’re talking about romantic partners. Things I’d be looking for:

    Do they focus on the situation or behavior instead of attacking?

    Are they trying to “win” or are they dealing with the disagreement in a mature fashion? Arguments and disagreements aren’t about winning but it’s been my experience that not everyone understands that.

    Do they go low and bring up things from the past or use my vulnerabilities/traumas against me, or do they remember to treat me as they want to be treated? I’ve had women say the most fucked up things in an argument then act shocked that I was hurt and upset afterwards… forgive and forget isn’t a thing.

    Do they raise their voice too much and/or call names, or do they remain relatively composed for the situation (being upset is okay, being loud is okay, shrill unhinged screaming and using put downs is not okay.)

    Do they try to use physical violence? That’s a hard no; I’m not afraid of a woman hurting me physically, I’m afraid of what a violent woman could do if she thinks violence is an appropriate tactic in a disagreement/argument. Shows she’s emotionally immature and dangerous.

    Until then I know I’d probably have a hard time opening up and trusting completely, due to the negative experiences I’ve had in the past. I used to be more open with women right away, but not any more. Kinda fucked up but I’m not keen on getting hurt again.

31. One of my neighbors told me I can come up to hers when I feel sad or down, and need to talk to someone. That felt fantastic. And she hugged me when I told her that my grandpa died. She asks me how I’m doing in a way that makes me feel like she really cares. We’re pretty friendly and she knows I feel like crap sometimes.

    Another likes to use little pet names and is very physical. Also very nice. I’ll just be talking to someone and she’ll walk up beside me and put a hand between my shoulder blades, and that makes me feel really safe.

    I’ve met a few who teach me new things and really try to make the new thing stick, because they know I struggle to learn sometimes (learning disability). It’s really nice when they want to put the time down without having to ask.

32. I never feel unsafe around them, same for men. Not afraid of anything.