Me (31m) and (30f) 11 year partner split up due to issues that could not be fixed at the time.
I started seeing my friends more and realised I was getting quite a bit of happiness from mingling again.
I ended up noticing this beautiful (25f) girl. We got chatting over several weeks and everything was going good. But because I started dating her so soon after the 11 year relationship. My ex started being horrible, threatening me with child visitation issues etc.
I told her I was dating someone and she tried killing herself that night.
After that I felt like I couldn’t tell her the truth about my life.
I started lying to my ex and had to lie slightly to the new girl about it all.
Here’s where I messed up badly, i ended up sleeping with my ex twice and lying to the new girl about it.
I absolutely loved her so much even though she was new to my life, she had a great relationship going and I messed it up.
I was going through depression which I didn’t see at the time and I did get very destructive around my life.
I did think of killing myself butninspokento a helpline as I couldn’t really explain my situation to friends or family. That helped me stop those thoughts.
Now that’s not an excuse for what I did, I have to live with the regret I probably lost an amazing woman for sex.
Cheating is horrible and I never ever thought I’d do it.
Since breaking up with the new girl I have ended even more depressed and can’t quite get over her.
How do you all cope with losing a partner you liked so much?
How do you make that leap to move on? I tried dating apps which I’ve decided are 100% not for me.
I am really struggling and she wants nothing to do with me which fine, I totally understand. I did a horrible thing and broke her heart.
But how do I stop it hurting for me and her?
Ive apologized many times until she told me to not speak to her which I listened and haven’t contacted her since (2 weeks).
Yes I’m a bastard for cheating I already know this and its karma. I get it. You have to live with those mistakes in life, I just need a way to reduce the pain those mistake cause.
4 comments
Therapy and not date anyone until you sort your shit out.
Time mate i’m afraid. No magic pill or way to speed it up.
Forgive yourself though – the longer you beat yourself up about it, longer it takes to recover.
You’re not.perfect, you made mistakes, you’ve learned.
I think you need some time on your own. It sounds like you jumped into a new relationship far too quickly just to fill the void. You need to become comfortable with your own company before you seek out anyone else’s
The first step to healing is admitting that you made a mistake and owning up to it. It can be difficult, especially when the pain caused affects both of you, but it is important in order for you and your ex-partner to move on. Be honest with yourself about what went wrong in the relationship and your role in it.
It’s understandable that this situation has been hard for you emotionally, but try not to focus on the pain too much – look for ways to find some joy in life again instead. Find activities or interests that make you happy, spend time with friends who support and inspire you, treat yourself kindly when things are tough – as any other person would deserve from themselves if they had gone through something similar – focus on self-care.
Most importantly: takes things day by day; don’t rush into new commitments until your heart feels ready after going through all of this trauma. You have been through a lot together and all relationships take time to heal correctly before starting anew ones – remember there’s no timeline!