Hi everyone, I want to start off by thanking you for reading this because honestly? I’m not sure where else to ask advice besides my therapist and sometimes you just need to hear from other people.
Short back story: Husband (31) and myself (30) have been married for 8 years, together for 15. High school sweethearts. We had my son young and both came from pretty dysfunctional families but we made it this far.
Unfortunately I was sexually assaulted just 3 years into our marriage by a medical professional. The case made national news making it even more difficult. He retaliated when both myself and another survivor came forward, breaking into the other survivors house. Needless to say, it took a toll and I have been working through my PTSD. This past July he was unexpectedly granted parole. He will be in the public in the coming months. I definitely slipped back into dark moments.
How has this effected my marriage? Well, I struggle with intimacy, feeling safe, and loud environments. My husband is Italian, his love language is physical touch, and he is emotional in all things. Which is great unless you’re easily triggered, I try to identify this and work on it.
We’ve been in individual therapy as well as marriage therapy.
Suddenly my husband has lost interest in me. He’s made some hurtful comments. Ranging from, “I want you to be healthier, more fit, and agile.” to flat out “I’m not attracted to you anymore.” I held my boundary and reminded him it wasn’t his job to police my body, he harshly told me he’d find a partner on the same page.
After he told me he wasn’t attracted to me, he tried to blame the assault. He told me he felt like the man who assaulted me whenever he touched me. Which almost hurt worse.
We have therapy tomorrow to talk through these issues and possibly taking space.
Needless to say I’m heartbroken. I’ve been analyzing my body. I didn’t want to eat much. I feel gross. For reference, I don’t feel I’m huge. I’m curvy but have no ‘belly’. My weight was never mentioned by doctors. I modeled up until my assailant was released.
I guess I’m just looking for encouragement because I don’t know how to handle so much loss and pain. I am supposed to start a new, demanding position in the medical field and now I’m not sure if I should even do that with so much up in the air.
4 comments
So there is a really great book call The Body Keeps Scores…. It talks about how our body handles and holds trauma, I don’t know if it will help you since you know your traumas.
Do you have anyone who can support you during this time? Since your husband seems to be struggling with his own issues.
I wish there was a magic ball that could tell you the future and tell you that it will be okay and things will change and a pill you can take to forget the past…
If you keep doing the work and keep getting the support and keep working on healing and bettering yourself then it will get better for you.
Keep telling yourself one more day… One more day of work… One more day of therapy… One more day of marriage… One more day of life. It’s midnight and you are lost in the unknown but if you keep taking one more step then you will find dawn will come sooner then later and you will find warmth and direction again.
I’m so sorry your husband lacks the emotional maturity to be supportive of you through what must be an incredibly difficult and painful time. I hope you can find some clarity in your therapy session.
To add I also have endometriosis 🙁 which complicates things. I spent about a year doing hormone injections, I was put in a medically induced menopause, but ultimately I had my right ovary and tube removed. He had expressed interest in wanting more children and I’m wondering if he’s purposely pushing me away
Caring for someone who’s been through what you’ve been through is challenging and takes a toll. However, blaming your body for his issues and telling you he’s going to find someone else are really horrible. I’m so sorry.