I’ve never approached a woman to ask out because I’m unsure what the rule is for the best time to do so.

Do I ask if there’s a woman I find attractive, or do I wait a few weeks/months?

26 comments

  2. Just ask. Going up to a stranger, unless in a bar or other social setting, is a very low percentage play. But if you don’t have much experience, the best thing to do is just try, and then you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t. Advice on reddit can only take you so far. If she says no, or doesn’t seem too keen to talk, just take no for an answer and move on.

  3. If it’s a social setting, like a party, then it’s cool to walk up and talk to her. If she seems open you can hit on her too. If it’s “in the street” you will likely seem like a creepy pick up artist unless she has given you some signs of interest first. Like prolonged eye contact.

  4. I don’t think there’s any rule! Do what you feel most confident or comfortable in doing so. Personally, I don’t like beating around the bush. If you are into me, I’d prefer you asking me out. The worst that could happen is that she is flattered but declines. So go for it!

  6. If you find someone attractive you ask them. If you wait a few weeks/months then you’re lost.

  7. Just remember that a woman’s top priority is looking out for her own safety. So never ask a woman out if she’s at her job because she has nowhere to escape to. Never ask out a woman who’s alone at night because you’re immediately a threat even if you’re a nice person. If you want to approach a woman, try to start the conversation about something that isn’t her physical appearance. For example if you see her out walking her dog ask about the dog. If you see her out at a bar ask her about the drink she’s ordering. Some woman want to be approached, others do not. Bottom line is as long as you’re respectful you shouldn’t have any problems

  9. I would try to be charming, funny and compliment her so that she knows you admire her. Then let it simmer. Repeat until she plays back. Once she flirts back ask her out.

  10. It’s better to build up some rapport before you ask a woman out as more than likely she’ll say no if there’s not some level of comfort between the two of you. This can be done before you ask her.

  11. Obviously read the room, I.e., are you in a setting where asking a woman out is all right.

    You can ask women out virtually anywhere, online, at the store, at work, through friends, etc.,

    Just be respectfully, build a rapport. And if you feel like you click with her, exchange numbers. Ask if it’s alright to leave her your number.

    Talking to women/ getting numbers is the easy part. The hard part is what comes after: and that’s reciprocation/initiating things a get you landed that number.

  12. • Squat down with your body sideways to the girl.

    • Look down or away, and keep your body language quiet and calm.

    • Scatter treats on the floor around you, so that the girl can self-reward without any social pressure from you.

    • Do not pet the girl until she is begging for attention.

    • Sometimes just sitting in a corner of the kennel reading a book will allow the girl to approach at her own speed.

  13. The real key is reciprocation. Being able to sense if they’re enjoying your presence.

    I’ve been pretty successful at the real-life-tinder and 50% of it is knowing when to walk away. Better to leave them wanting more than overwhelmed.

  15. The rule is, there literally are no rules. (Although there are lots of miserable Karen’s on here that’ll try and convince you otherwise).

    But don’t be so fixated on some sort of ‘rules’.

    Worry about HOW to ask a girl out and be successfully. Realistically only like 1 in 100 guys these days can do cold approaches. It’s basically a dead art form with dating apps.

    Anyway, there are great YouTube channels that can really help with your game. In general though, stay well clear of any woman’s advise on picking up girls.

    Judging by your question, it sounds like you’re very very far off from being able to successfully do a cold approach well. But it’s very similar to public speaking – practice, confidence, and trial and error pay off.

  20. 1. Make sure she is approachable. So if she has her headphones on or if she is on her phone or in a hurry do go to some place then you have no business in disturbing her. The girl that you want to approach should appear relaxed and casual, maybe waiting for something or someone so she is not going anywhere and you don’t need to follow her like a creep. She needs to be situationally aware of her surroundings and if you notice that then you know she is present and not focused on something else on her mind.
    2. Make eye contact and smile. This is the first step in showing that you’re interested and approachable.
    3. Start with a compliment or with a joke about your surroundings. A delicate compliment is permissible in conversation, but flattery is broad, coarse, and to sensible people, disgusting. If you flatter your superiors, they will distrust you, thinking you have some selfish end; if you flatter ladies, they will despise you, thinking you have no other conversation. A lady of sense will feel more complimented if you converse with her upon instructive, high subjects, than if you address to her only the language of compliment. In the latter case she will conclude that you consider her incapable of discussing higher subjects, and you cannot expect her to be pleased at being considered merely a silly, vain person, who must be flattered into good humor.
    4. Ask her questions about herself. Once you’ve started talking, keep the conversation going by asking her questions about herself. This will show that you’re interested in getting to know her.
    5. Be yourself! The most important thing is to be yourself and relax. If you come across as nervous or try too hard, she’ll be able to tell and it’ll make the interaction less enjoyable for both of you.

    [How to Get Over Your Fear of Humiliation or Rejection](https://www.tiktok.com/@tommythanhbui/video/7167813516064492846?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7151151783502366213)

    You should keep in mind that rejection is a part of life. So you should prepare for this potential outcome—you should never be naive to hope for things that are outside of your control. So mentally rehearse the worst case scenario, see how a situation can unfold contrary to your expectations and realize that no matter what happens you will be okay and at peace with whatever happens. You are still alive and you have suffered no real or lasting injury. This then, is the momentary response to a situation—not surprised by it, not too emotionally agitated.

    And I highly recommend you to study this guy and try to build those qualities that allows him to be so confident and charismatic. I personally tried his method by trial and error with zero confidence, charisma or social skills and I am not attractive either. Maybe average but I still managed to approach quite a few women without being painfully rejected. We parted our ways in a friendly and casual manner.

    [Joining random girls for lunch](https://youtu.be/4yyhlhEpbzo)

    [Hey, I Like You](https://youtu.be/XuaC3dXayAs)

  21. There’s just one rule and that’s indicators of interest. If you don’t get those then don’t, approach unless you know what you’re doing.

  22. Waiting weeks or months means you’re waiting for the perfect opportunity to present itself. There’s a 1 in 1,000,000 chance this will actually happen.

    If you feel something, take the leap and seize it.

    Also, when asking, don’t be apologetic, don’t make hints at it or beat around the bush. Be clear about what you want and they will appreciate that – so instead of hinting, say something like:

    “I had a good time talking to you tonight. Would you like to grab a drink some time?” – demonstrates clear intent, no funny business, and immediately leads into talking about how to keep in touch. Asking if they have Instagram is a good shout if you haven’t had much time to get to know them – doesn’t feel quite as personal as a phone number and still gives a way of reaching out.

    And to be blunt, avoid asking for Snapchat. Most women I know regard that as “fuckboy behavior”.

    Edit: added a missed word
    Edit 2: moved first edit disclaimer

  23. Women who are interested stand out a little from others. They laugh at your jokes more than everybody else. They sit quite close to you when possible. They are very interested what you have to say and might apologise when they interrupt. When you enter the room they are glad to see you.

    If you have a feeling that somebody is standing out with positive and responsive behaviour then they are likely to be interested in you. Then you ask them out if you want to.

    Opposite of this is passive behaviour. They are on their phone with you. When you enter the room they don’t care. They don’t seem to put any effort in being in your company.

    Sometimes it is not clear if they are interested or just very nice to you. But if you have the feeling that they might be interested then it is worth asking them out. If they have been positive and responsive they respect you and reject you very nicely. Almost all women are flattered when you ask them out.

    And it is important to keep your confidence if you misinterept signs. You just keep asking out different women until somebody says yes. If there is one woman out of 10 that says yes that means you have to ask just 7 women until there is more than 50% chance they say yes.

  24. It’s location dependent. If she’s working, don’t. If you’re in a social setting, say hello. Watch for nonverbal cues like does she face you, is she making eye contact? Is she closed or open in her posture?

  25. If you let others dictate how you live you’re life then you’re gonna have a bad time. There’s no “right time” you either approach or you don’t.

    The longer you wait the worse off you’ll be.

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