I’ve heard just as many women refer to a mans lust and libido in positive terms and I have in negative terms. I’ve known women who’ve slept with a guy on the first date because his passion and lust was irresistible, and I’ve known women who find it disconcerting if a guy is coming on strong when they’ve just met. Then in the bedroom there seems to be quite a fine line between intense desire and pushiness.
Does it usually boil down to how attracted she is to him or are there subtle things that guys can do when showing passion and lust to demonstrate that they’re not possessive or pushy?
I’ve tried talking about preferences and boundaries before having sex with a new partner and apparently that’s a turn off for many women… I thought that would’ve been not only the responsible thing to do but resulted in better sex so now I’m left with slightly mixed messages – one the one hand I’m supposed to act with intensity but on the other hand I’m supposed to show self restraint and get explicit confirmation that they’re comfortable so they feel respected and so on.
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I talk pretty explicitly beforehand about our likes/dislikes/boundaries and it’s pretty hot. Also, body language counts for a lot. You start off small and gradually escalate based on their reactions.
I would just try it out. My partner sometimes just starts eating me out and either I am in the mood or not but its not offending to me if he just starts doing it
Read more about female body language and sexuality, such as “Come as you are” or “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner. I think men who are tuned into women can tell if the woman is still giving signals that she wants to keep going. Focus on some passionate and sexy kissing (such as on her neck, down her back, inside her thighs), seduce her so she’s getting hot and bothered. If she lets you, then go down on her she is usually ready to go. “She Comes First” teaches all about women’s anatomy, the best techniques for oral sex, and how you can tell when they are aroused. I think men that take their time really seducing a woman then get the green light to keep going. Remember, foreplay is Core Play for women, it‘s not negotiable if you want to get a woman’s juices really flowing. Women love the new “Lady Chatterley’s Lover“ on Netflix so that may give you an idea of what women want. A man who is passionate but tender and focuses on her pleasure so she can become uninhibited.
I’m a very candid, direct person. I’m not pushy at all, but I communicate clearly.
It’s very useful to discover dealbreakers early on. For me those include an anti-male attitude (common in the US), sex-negative attitude (not very common in my experience thankfully), selfishness, entitlement, etc. Finding out early avoids wasting time for both of you. It allows you to find a compatible partner much faster. And once you do, it’s wonderful. 🙌
A big factor is if she actually wants him.