My husband is pretty amazing in that he is a hard worker, faithful and kind. He always helps with chores and loves me and my family. A very standup guy. A couple of years of go we became Violomah (a parent whose child has died). We grieved separately and naturally that has brought a lot of distance between us. He worked more hours and so did I. As time went on he checked out more and more emotionally. To the point that I feel like I cannot share any feelings about our lost child because he goes silent whenever it’s brought up. There was also some negligence in romance I stopped getting flowers and gifts and attention. We were just coexisting. During this time I have had multiple crushes on different men and the last one was definitely the most inappropriate of all. I was overtly and very intentionally flirtatious. I know I am a jerk wife for this, but somehow I feel like I cannot help it. Me and my hubs don’t have anything in common anymore and we are lacking an emotional connection. Sex seems to brings us farther apart. Has anybody lost their attraction for their partner after losing a child?
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Sincere condolences to you. Losing a child is terrible.
The grief you two went through was immense. However, it has led you to a crossroads where the two of you should have a conversation about what you both want. Do both of you wish to go your separate ways? Only one? Are you both willing to put in work to get the connection back?
These are hard questions to ask, and the work to reconnect likely won’t be easy either. You’re both wounded and it would probably work out better if you both spoke to a counselor, individual and marriage, to discuss things. In the mean time, if you wish to reconnect, I would recommend you stop flirting with others and distance yourself from those that will try and pull you away. If your marriage ends, there will be plenty of time to find a new partner. Now, today, focus on your marriage and whether the two of you can come back together.
Have you tried grief counseling? Marriage counseling?
We lost our oldest daughter 6 years ago. It has definitely changed who we are as individuals and as a couple, a family.
Being together, getting through it, every day has to be a deliberate choice. A lot of time spent just going through the motions of life and trying to keep a stable home for our 2 children at home.
We have just in the last year been getting out, getting a social life, just being husband and wife. We’re about to be empty nesters, and my husband is about to retire from the military. A lot of what we use for distractions are about to be gone and it’s kind of scary.
I’m so sorry y’all are having to go through this. I hope you can find your way back.
I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your child. God bless you and your family.