Confused on a lot
I’ve been in my relationship for about 2 years and it’s always been somewhat rocky but I like to think we’ve gotten past a lot of that. This year we had a baby and got married as well. She’s always told me how she feels baby’s make relationships hard but I see it as a symbol of our love. I love this woman and it sometimes seems like she loves me too but then she’ll get into these spells where she doesn’t want to be with me and says how miserable she is. I understand everyone argues but does every wife tell their husband how much they hate them and then act normal after a while? This is the first time she’s talked about divorce seriously ( it’s been about half a year of marriage ) and well if that’s the route she wants I can’t stop her but we’re so young it makes me sad because I thought we would always be in each other’s corners. I’m not sure if it’s PPD, or any other hormone changes because she no longer speaks to me about anything. I don’t want to lose my family but I don’t want to force someone to be with me. Any advice?
TL;DR Im not sure how my wife feels about me and I don’t want to lose my family.
3 comments
I have never ever told my husband I hated him or wanted to break up, EVER.
>She’s always told me how she feels babies make relationships hard but I see it as a symbol of our love.
How much are you supporting her through this? Because if you’re acting like everything is just peachy and she is struggling, that is a massive disconnect that needs to be addressed NOW.
Did she want the baby?
How much effort do you put into the marriage?
Has she been assessed for PPD?
It honestly sounds like she isn’t much into being a mother (at least not at that point, or with you) and that you’re trying to talk yourself into believing that this relationship is much better than it actually is.
>does every wife tell their husband how much they hate them and then act normal after a while?
Sorry, dude, but it really sounds like she hates the life she has now.
>it makes me sad because I thought we would always be in each other’s corners
Literally on the basis of what, if your relationship has “always been somewhat rocky”?
>We planned the baby together
Barely a year after you got together? Or do you mean that she got pregnant and you both decide to keep it?
>Even before we were pregnant or married she would always “break up” with me and we would get back together the next day. Whenever we’ve had issues she’s always been the type to say this isn’t what I want
Again: what part of this seems “always be in each other’s corners” to you? She may have been indecisive or had personal issues of her own to sort through, but you were also part of this decision to continue despite your relationship being very unstable.
She sounds like she had some troubles before, which PPD exacerbated. Have you legitimately considered sitting down with her and discussing breaking up and co-parenting? You say you want to support her, but if the cause of the depression is being married and child-rearing when she isn’t ready for that, and she’s not open to therapy, then no matter what you do to mend things, it won’t fix anything.
Your priority right now should be finding a compromise that allows your child to be looked after best — and if that means having two divorced parents who can be amiable to each other, rather than two married parents who constantly argue, then doesn’t that sound better?