Recently found out my gf of over a year has been sleeping with her ex for some time now. This all happened on the last night of a vacation I took her on across the country for a wedding in my family.
It took me hours to pry this information out of her, and then I dug into her telling her how fucked up this is and how much pain it is causing me, even after her ex cheated on her before we met.
Clearly I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone that has no respect for me, so I asked her to move out of our apartment. At first she was going to, but now she’s telling me that she has the right to stay here and that we are just going to be roommates for the next 5 months.
This is something I’m not okay with. You chose to cheat, you knew the consequences. I don’t want to move out, one because I make more money than her, two because I found the apartment and she would always complain about things regarding the apartment.
Now I’m just looking for some advice on how to handle this situation. I can’t continue to live with her much longer. It’s just going to eat away at my mental health the longer this drags on.
38 comments
Who’s name is on the lease?
If you can’t deal with living with her and she’s not going anywhere for the next 5 months, I would suggest you look for a new place to live.
If you’re both on the lease then you’ll have to see if you can break the lease and move out. It may or may not be possibly. You might be stuck paying there for 5 months.
If you’re both on the lead then she has every right legally to not leave.
You can only control you actions. Not hers.
who’s name is on the lease? they get the apt!
Why not pay the $750 lease buy out after you find a new apartment and cancel it without mentioning it to her. She will think it’s just you moving, the. She can get surprised when you drop it on her after you’ve moved everything of yours out.
Get a fresh start without any memories of her in your new place.
Honestly I would look for a new place and move out. If you make more I would love to see her pay for the apartment on her own.
This happened to a friend, and in the end he just had to move out, even though he didn’t want to. She also moved not long after because she couldn’t afford the rent, but she was determined to fuck it up for him, and there was nothing he could do.
Break the lease pay the fine and walk out
Your mental health is more important than some cash
Start bringing dates home and see what happens. 🤷🏻♀️
Just do the buyout. Would you really want to stay in a place that you shared with her? If you found this one I’m sure you can find another one better. At this point she’s looking for a reason to fight to stay in the relationship. Talk to the leasing department to see your options. Let them know that you two are no longer together and it’s a toxic environment and you’d like to break the lease. Also see if they can transfer just your name to a unit if your own. If you’re really done with her, you’ll find a way to get out.
If her name is on the lease you are SOL. Since it’s an apartment I’m sure that’s the case.
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You have some options.
A) You make decent money, find yourself a new place. Yes it sucks, yes in a way she “wins” but your mental health will be all the better.
B) Call her bluff. You make living there unbearable for her. Loud music, don’t clean or pick up after yourself. Consume any food she buys. This is pretty childish, but would probably get her out of there.
C) You suck it up and tough it through 5 months ignoring eachother. Good luck if you choose this option.
Look for a new place . Legally you cannot kick her out . In the meantime, you give her nothing , you split nothing but the rent right down the middle . You ignore her entire existence, do t give in .
Depending on the state you cannot forcibly move her out. If her name is on the lease she is every legal right to be there. In that scenario you can do nothing.
If her name is not on the lease and she has been providing for rent and utilities then she can vacated by court eviction order.
If she’s providing for nothing then again she cannot be forcibly moved out you’ll need court eviction order.
The best approach is to talk to the landlord and taking your name off the lease. You should look for a new apartment solely in your name. Next time don’t move in your gf so fast.
Talk to the manager and make plans to move out. Leave her in the apartment.
Whose name is on the lease OP?
If it just yours then you can issue her with an eviction notice with 30 days to vacate.
If you both are on it then speak to your landlord and see if you can break the lease with a view to then retaking it in your name only. Landlords are generally amenable to breaking leases where there has been a breakup (they don’t want property damage) and if you ask to then take it up again in your name they may be more agreeable.
Edit: Just pay the $750 and break the lease and then immediately redo it in your name only.
Serve her eviction paperwork…
if she is not on the lease, serve her a legal eviction. problem solved.
if she is on the lease, then get your name off of it and move out.
Break the lease.
Be the absolute worst roommate without breaking any laws or violating your lease. If you’re good at it, she will move.
I was in this EXACT situation less than a year ago. Ex cheated, we both lived in my apartment that I had found and lived in a year before i met him, and he refused to leave. He’d actually bring the girl over and hook up with her while I was home. Do yourself a favor – leave and NEVER look back. It took me two months to leave because I was stubborn and they were easily the worst two months of my life. There is no cost greater than your mental health.
Have you tried reaching out to your landlord? I sent an email to mine explaining the situation and he let me off the lease. I lost my security deposit but it was worth it to me.
I’m not sure where you’re from but I cut a lease off with my ex. We had about 7 months left on the lease. I paid $100, got my name off the lease and moved in a week. It’s possible. Just have to ask.
Would you like me to come home with you? We can make quite a scene…. She’ll leave. 🤷🏽♀️😉😂
Hey Champion, that sucks. For your mental health you should definitely look to exit the situation. Part of me wants to suggest looking for inspiration on r/petty revenge but as of right now you have the absolute moral high ground, and you have demonstrated self-respect in your response. Good for you, don’t compromise on those things.
Having said that, I wonder if someone could talk sense into her? If she has family nearby, would it be worth a conversation with them? You could position it with discretion (again keep the moral high ground and don’t tell them why, just that you have broken up).
Explain that there is no chance of reconciliation, and that you would like to find a way to exit the situation, but would be concerned about affordability if you simply move out. Ask them if they would be prepared to support her rent payments if you left, or alternatively if they would mind providing accommodation for her temporarily if she vacated.
Make it clear that staying there together is not an option you would consider and that you are interested in finding a constructive solution.
Again, I stress, do not explain why. Just that it is. If questioned simply respond that you would prefer not to talk about it, or that the reasons are private.
Good luck my dude, you already know what’s up. And privately, screw her, what a fucking bitch.
She cheated and now wants to punish you for leaving her. If you really don’t want to move, then be an AWFUL roommate, do things that she might find disgusting or gross, annoying, rude, etc. Like other similar comment said, yes it would be childish, but your gf is behaving like a child, so she definitely deserves it. If she’s not gonna move out, then you’re gonna force her to do so on her own will by doing this.
Ask you landlord what a buyout fee for your half of the lease remainder would look like, and leave her holding the bag.
Sign up for Tinder. Bring a different woman to the apartment every night. I’m betting she’ll be out in about a week.
If just you name is on the lease eviction. If both break the lease leave and shut off everything in your name.
Honestly? Make her want to leave and her staying hell on earth. Gloves off and let your imagination run free how to accomplish that without giving her hard proof if you overstep boundaries others might feel exist. Greetings -> insults. Her stuff -> no more fixed places. Her toothbrush -> up the crackheads butt from around the corner it goes before returning to her bathroom stuff and so on. She sits down eating -> stand beside her and fart til you shart. PS.: I’m only half joking here and you threatening her making her stay hell might already suffice.
One of the benefits of moving is that she won’t know where you live next. So she can’t drop by if she wanted to.
You can take the high road and tell your landlord that you’re leaving. Assuming she can’t afford the entire rent by herself, perhaps ask the landlord if you could have the apartment back if she vacates it shortly after you leave.
You could take the the low road and tell the landlord you’re both leaving as wouldn’t it be a full breach in contract. It could happen regardless
I’m sorry to hear how things ended up. I hope you heal and find a better place, mentally and physically
She’s not going to move out. Some people are awful. Just go ahead and cut your losses. Whatever it costs to be rid of her is worth it. So sorry you’re dealing with that shit.
If she won’t move, then you talk to your landlord, see what the cost for breaking lease is, and then move yourself.
Or you make her life a living hell so she moves out.
Either way you will end up with her out of your life.
If her name is on the lease as well as you I don’t think you have much of a choice since she would be a legal resident just like you. If her name is not on the lease you should be able to have her removed from the apartment
Speak to a lawyer if your name is on the lease give her 30 days then contact the police and have her removed
It doesn’t matter who makes more money. Whose name is on the lease?
If her name isn’t on the lease I’d pack her things nicely and put them outside the door then change all the locks.
I fucking hate cheaters
If she isn’t on the lease, look up eviction laws in your state and go ham. Sorry this happened to you
Here’s what you need to do as I experienced this before
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1. If she is on the lease there is nothing you can do. You can move out and take the hit if she is late with rent etc or if she agrees to remove you off the lease.
2. If she is not on the lease at all you must give her vacate notice of at least 30 days. Please check with your state laws as some states require 60 days to vacate if you are not on a lease but have paid rent (Majority of states is 30 days for room mates etc).
1. After vacate notice get the police to remove her from the property
3. Talk with a lawyer if you need further advice.
You can also go the Machiavellian route. Call the landlord, offer him a 10-20% bump on the rent (if you can afford it) and a waiver that you wouldn’t claim damages if HE breaks the lease and make you sign a new one as a sole tenant and evicts your ex. Make him do the job for you while you sit back and eat popcorn watching it unfold.