Seems that some people here think this is sound advice. Those struggling with their mental health are often fighting a losing battle against their own thoughts. Working on themselves, exercising, hobbies, going out and socializing, etc is not as easy as “go do it”. So consider that before you provide advice along these lines.
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It’s unfortunate, but there’s nothing else, really, internet people can tell you. If you have issues like that you don’t need idiots like us, you need medical help
Omg i get so sick of hearing shit like this. I just wanna beat their head in lol
Right.. as somebody who has studied the pharmacology for depression and has been close to people who suffer, it’s important individuals (with depression) get
1) the opinion of 1-2 psychiatrists
2) the opinion of a therapist / psychosocial professional
3) the opinion of 3-4 of one’s immediate loved ones (if they have them)
as far as an actionable plan to get out of the rumination / habituation of the thoughts that come with a depressive state.
“just go to the gym bro, that’s your whole problem, you’ve got a bad mindset instead of a grindset”
Yeah, but to be fair, exercising and eating healthy is good for the brain too. Studies have shown that physical activity reduces depression. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression-and-exercise/art-20046495
I know that for myself too.
I think it’s kind of a context issue. I think it’s okay to share advice regarding *how* one could develop a skill, as long as there’s no judgement to people who have difficulty implementing or developing said skill.
My heuristic is that something is probably being oversimplified whenever advice has the word “just” in it.
Depression is insidious because it makes everything that is good for you feel like torture, while doing all of the things that are bad for you feel satisfying.
It feels like torture to work out, but sleeping in feels justified.
It feels like hell to keep up on your hygiene, but feels relieving to eat poorly.
It feels dubious to exert yourself for your responsibilities, but feels alleviating to binge watch a show.
Depression makes success and happiness the enemy, and it is very good at its job.
It’s difficult because this sub seems to be the meeting grounds of mental illness AND lacking social skills. Most probably go hand in hand. I try to remind myself that when people here offer that kind of r/thanksimcured advice for social advancement, it’s not helpful to people with mental illness, but it IS helpful to those who just need to develop social skills.
At the end of the day though it really is a sub for social skills and not mental illness, so I try to be gracious when this advice is given because it’s still helpful to some.
Maybe you aren’t at a point to come here and hear people tell you ways you can improve. But people who are depressed do need to make the choice to pursuing happier brains. Otherwise, there is not a real reason to post on this particular sub.
Whether that is through therapy, exercise, putting yourself out there, meditation, cold showers, positive affirmations, etc., you need to make the choice to start.
So you’d say something more along the lines of “get a therapist?”
Well then just dont go do it ? What kind of post is this ? If people think its an advice they will tell and you cant block it. Well first of all thats someone else thought and they can comment/advise you anything they want here on this platform. Most of people who insterested in your topic are kinda have similar problems or they had in the past. You think they dont know its not easy ? Sometimes practice is the best solution even if its hard. If you dont “go do it”, maybe you ll never “go do it”. You think every problems of yours will be solved magically without you doing anything ? In your dreams maybe.
If you have big problems dont write here. If you cant just “go do it” alone just get a proffesional help. But any proffesional can help you if you just wait for magic to happen. In either way they will push you to “go do it” situation.
Its not easy. But the only way anything will improve is by fixing yourself. Be consistantly trying, that can mean workout everyday, take a shower and groom everyday, force yourself to get a job, spend time writing down your problems and tackling them, talk to coworkers or old friends in a positive way, quit porn and social media, keep failing but get back up and try again, realize you have limited time so worrying about suffering/embarrassment/not being good enough is never going to fix the issue. Its the only way. If you are in a huge rut and everyone treats you shitty, build mental strength by pushing forward with what makes you feel confident even if people want to see you fail. Dont try to please everyone if it causes your suffering. I used to blame everyone else for my problems, id say well im good as i am so people should like me. This is bullshit keep trying to improve people will like your drive and you will attract the right people. No one likes a person who gives up on themselves or becomes complacent or thinks everything is societys fault. Just get up push yourself and keep failing and try another way, then fail again then try another way. Get out of the victim mindset.
Thanks!! Lmfao exactly what I was telling someone, if you are anxious it makes you unmotivated bc you are constantly crying and feeling worried and having no energy to do anything at all. Doing stuff obviously helps but is harder done than said.
As someone who has been diagnosed with depression – and prescribed meds for it – I do definitely understand how “unhelpful” that advice can feel.
However – I *do* also consistently find that a substantial percentage of the time – if I am feeling off *mentally* – i can frequently trace it back to something I’ve failed to do to properly take care of myself *physically*. E.g. I’ve eaten something unhealthy (or haven’t eaten at all) – I’m dehydrated, I haven’t moved my body much at all, I haven’t had sufficient sleep, or I’m over-caffeinated.
The unfortunate/unfair thing about our brains is – its totally a game of MOMENTUM and positive/negative feedback loops. If you are feeling healthy – its easier to do healthy things. If you are feeling unhealthy – its harder to resist unhealthy things, or to stay organized and on top of the healthy things.
Something a therapist will also tell you – the feeling of “it will always be like this” is a fallacious thought that everyone has that seems to come along with depression. If you can remind yourself that *this part* isn’t true – then you can start to acknowledge the hard but freeing truth – that you have alot of inertia to overcome, but (assuming you have basic freedoms) – all of the things you need to change to feel better are 100% occuring within your body/brain and within your control (and no one else’s) to fix.
It’s akin to telling a person in a wheelchair to get up and run. It’s impossible until it’s not and, if you’re fortunate, you get that good day, which can also feel strange.
That’s because it is sound advice. There is no other way out of the downward spiral.
People seem to think there is some kind of quick fix, easy answer. There isn’t. It’s hard.
Agreed totally
Just came off od anti-depressants myself due to work stress, one of the actions recommended was to get back to excersising, which I just couldn’t do. I lived 60 seconds from my gym (same street) and had pretty much revolved my life around going to the gym (changed job hours throughout the years, tracked every calorie and weighed daily, etc) and still couldn’t bring myself to go (with 6 weeks off work with nothing to do (was single, living in a new town for work), so I ended up just watching the same youtube videos I’ve seen thousands of times.
When people ask what depression felt like, I always used a black hole to make it easier to understand. It will suck in all your hobbies and energy, and the more it takes the stronger it gets
What I would recommend is go and get medication, it was the only thing that helped at that point.
“fix yourself” is overwhelming at best, and possibly even condescending to contemptuous.
There are grains of truth and genuine utility that make up the sentiment, but dropping it as a single concrete block on someone is just being a muppet.
To run with the analogy, addressing the individual grains is much more likely to lead to a permanent integration of these healthy habits and skills.
Yeah I’ve never once read someone give that advice on this sub and say it was “easy”
So you want advice that preaches change without action?
I think you are dead wrong, Ofcourse it’s not easy to take action, but it is simple, if you aren’t in your own way. I’ve personally climbed out of the pit of depression, attempted suicide, years of heavy drug addiction, overweight, borderline alcoholic, you name it. The most prominent advice from my personal journey (not saying it will work for everyone) is to get out of your own way, bite that bullet and COMMIT to changing yourself / your identity. You have to truly want to change, feel the immense frustration / sadness of knowing you could be more / doing better and channel that to motivate you, not tear you further down. It WILL NOT happen overnight, it takes a truck load of effort, psychically, emotionally and spiritually. However no one should advocate carrying that truck load in one trip, it’s baby steps mate. Slow and steady wins the race. The fastest way to get anywhere in life is slowly.
Now that’s an awfully huge pill to swallow when you’re in the dumps but it’s true, nothing easy is worth doing (even more so when you’re depressed) and to think you’re going to go from 0 to 100 with no effort / struggle is BS and quite delusional. That will do nothing but make your situation worse. No one is happy all the time, life incorporates everything, and will throw everything at you, in one point or another.
I’m not trying to come off as rude, it just hits a huge nerve when I see people dwell in victim hood and expect something to change miraculously without doing anything, and you’re kind of promoting exactly that with your comment. I was once that person, feeling trapped, now 5 years later I’m more content and mentally unbreakable than I ever thought was possible. All because I took small action consistently, focused on staying open minded and free flowing in each moment, feeling the feelings and channeling them in a healthy and beneficial manner. Perspective is everything, and you get to create your own in this life.
Ps. Sorry for the rant. Nothing personal.
I personally disagree as a person who’s suffered from them both. I think hearing “you’re perfect just the way you are” while I was obese with no friends, failing my classes, and didn’t care about any aspect of the real world, was extremely harmful to hear. It was only after I decided to start focusing on the little things in life to distract me or exercise to help release that stress that I started to feel better. That’s honestly what I think I’ve realized about the world. The reason so many people are not depressed or anxious is because they dont have time to focus on bigger questions at the rate that I was. Constantly focusing on huge moral questions, life questions, politics, etc. was very bad for me and the fact that I was sitting around and doing nothing was what led me to those dark places. I’m still struggling mainly because my life just hasn’t really allowed for me to remain consistent but I’ve still improved by a lot.
Someone very VERY close to me thinks that all of my anxiety/adhd/cptsd struggles will go away if I “keep busy” or socialize more. Or go for a walk. Look sweetie but some days I can’t get out of bed. So fuck your advice.
These are definitely not easy things to do and they won’t magically turn someone’s life around instantly but they are also necessary steps to take if one wants to improve their situation. This advice can sometimes be unhelpful or come across as insensitive but I cannot emphasize enough how much my life has improved from practicing a lot of seemingly small things consistently, like exercising, finding rewarding hobbies, spending more time with people I already feel comfortable with – combined with challenging myself to do things that are admittedly difficult and scary for me but will never get easier if I avoid them forever, like talking to new people, going on dates, taking more responsibility at work, letting myself be the first one to reach out or make plans, etc.
It can be a matter of knowing what someone needs to hear at a given moment. Sometimes people just need empathy and comfort and other times people need ideas for what they can actually do to help themselves
Stay depressed then lol
i somewhat agree and will also preach what a lot of comments have already touched on: this is a context problem. no one should ever listen to advice that seems “one size fits all” like just fixing yourself. like where would you start? what is wrong? there are so many things that would need “fixing.” but i do say that a lot of the time things can be helped by changing your perspective, which i think can be confused with what you may imply from saying “fix yourself”
Damn, I told myself I need to fix meself.
Yes! This right here. (Btw what is YSK?)
I’ve heard this so many times! Get over it or fix yourself or love yourself before someone else can love you. I can see where those things can help, but it’s usually not that simple. When I had situational depression without anxiety it wasn’t so hard. I could work on one thing at a time and it worked well for me. Fast forward to marriage, kids, full life that’s always super busy and now major depressive disorder, anxiety and cptsd.
I won’t get into the why and how of all that but some is past and some is present situation. It’s super hard to ‘fix yourself’ when those around you can’t be supportive and do so many things that cause setbacks. Especially when one says to fix yourself then they’ll fix themselves and you can then fix the relationship. I’ve tried that for years and nothing I do is ever good enough. No change is ever the right change. Now I’m too assertive. I’m too aggressive. I’m too uncompromising. I’m too worried about my kids and myself. I’m always too something! (Before I was too angry, too submissive, too stupid, etc)
I’m in trauma therapy now which has been a huge blessing. I’m not a doormat now. At least not most of the time. I don’t just give in all the time. I set boundaries and insist they be respected. I AM ‘fixing’ myself slowly but I realize I won’t ever be able to completely fix myself and my/our issues without my husband working on his own issues and ours as well. It’s super hard when you hear someone else’s voice in your head always telling you that your a fuck up, can’t do anything right, are a bad person/mom/wife/relative etc.
I think it’s a losing battle when we try on our own. We need professional help. It could be a trauma therapist, a counselor, a doctor or self help articles and books. It’s a bit easier with guidance. Getting the correct diagnosis can help! I don’t think I have depression even though they said I did years ago. I think it was the cptsd all along and nobody wanted to label a civilian with that diagnosis. I don’t think most truly understand it honestly. It took me going to someone who was trained in that specific area to notice and recognize it. He knew within 30 minutes based on a ton of questions he had me answer before coming in about my current situation and my childhood.
Advice I would give is to seek out a local professional and always be as open and honest about EVERYTHING as you can. Hiding things gets incorrect diagnoses’ and doesn’t help things get worked on. Someone close to me has yet to realize that and it’s causing even more issues.
What else can they offer beside that and ‘go see a therapist’?. Mental issues originate from the person so it must be the person who will have to actively put an end to the mental problems. No one is going able to help you if you are not willing to change yourself. I’d go as far as to say ‘fix yourself’ is quite a good solution. You will have to realise that no one really care about you except for some very close family members and if you have a mental problem, you will have to deal with it yourself.
As one who has struggled with that,this is one of the most pointless posts. What else are people supposed to say then?
In the end that’s literally how you get better at socializing,by actually socializing and sometimes failing but getting practice out of it. The sub is social skills for a reason
Thank you.
The truth is, that working on oneself is one of the healthiest things one can do. Men are usually heavily pressured into working on themselves in general, while I can see a clear trend in the last decades, that tells women they’re perfect the way they are.
As a man I’m thankful for society telling me to push myself to actually become someone I can be proud of instead of just telling me I’m perfect nomatter what. Sure, it sucks in the twenties, but afterwards, if you worked on yourself, you are actually someone and I’m not even talking about career, I’m someone I want to be, because people told me to “fix myself”. I did. It’s my accomplishment. It was hard work.
I’m genuinely happy. I don’t rely on others lying in my face to feel accomplished.
Not directing anything to anyone particular. Just stating the sometimes a person has to fix themselves. A good example I say I want to quit smoking Drs co workers government ect tell people to quit every day. Till that person tells themselves they need to quit , they will never fix themselves . Sometimes Drs give up and leave people hanging. You have to empower yourself to seek the proper care you need . Sometimes it’s trial and error but your still trying to fix yourself by searching for answers