WTF do I do??
My girlfriend(23) and I(27) have been together for years now. We have children and a house together. Leaving isn’t an option. I just want to be the most attractive person to her.
She loves me either way, she doesn’t care, she’s with me for me, and wouldn’t change that for the world.
Let’s cut to the chase. We have had a few break ups, and her type has changed, she recently has started being attracted to people who aren’t like me. She works in security and sees these dudes constantly and that’s where I’m sure her type has changed. I’m naturally skinny. I can’t grow facial hair. Etc. but yet she chooses me!! Awesome. I’m so happy.
She loves the dad bod and a full beard , or at least the more fit type and facial hair. I can’t gain a pound even when I eat 24 steaks in a day. I can’t grow a beard. She’s has also stated I am not her type at all anymore but she chooses me and wants me over anyone else.
So I’ve started trying to be her type… I don’t shave my face even tho I look like a young Jeffery Dahmer with my pedo stash I can barely grow(which she always begs me to shave off cuz it’s ugly), and no other facial hair, I can’t grow a beard to save my life. I’ve cut my hair and tried styling it like these other men she likes. (Legit cut off 6”+” from what I’ve had my whole life)
When I’m around her I feel insecure. After my shower I hide and try to style my hair to look how she likes others. I don’t wear certain clothes around her that i usually would. I try and flex when I’m around her to seem stronger or more manly. I’ll do manly things to show I’m capable. The list goes on… I’m absolutely insecure.
She says it doesn’t matter. She loves me. But I can’t help but try to compete with her type that I’m not. She’s my #1 type. Nerdy. Gorgeous. Dark hair. Funny. Can always make me laugh. I wouldn’t change anything about her (as she said she wouldn’t with me either)
She tells me she loves me for me and wouldn’t change anything which is great.. but I can’t help but try to change everything about me. Attitude. Clothes. Hair. Facial hair. Other… things I won’t mention here. To try and be her ideal person. I’ll never compete with these men….
Do I just admit my defeat and be me?… I don’t know what to do. I don’t need relationship advice. I just need self advice.
15 comments
Just be yourself – she wouldn’t be with you if she didn’t want to be.
get out there and lift some iron. find the motivation in the frustration but do it for u and ur mental health. not so somebody will pick u. that determination will glow
Did she tell you she had a different type now, or was this something you assumed?
> She’s has also stated I am not her type at all anymore but she chooses me and wants me over anyone else.
You don’t have an insecurity problem, you have a gf problem. Anyone that says you’re not their type but still dates you is using you, lacks self awareness, or has limited emotional intelligence. She obviously has more than one type or she wouldn’t date you, or you’re her type in all the ways that matter, or she’s a shallow snot and youre a placeholder until she finds her type that wants to date her. So ask her, which is it, does she have more than one type, that you are her type in the ways that matter, or are you a placeholder.
If it’s option one or two tell her that she needs to start complimenting and noticing the things about you that are her type or else it just feels like she’d rather be with someone else. If it’s option three, break up. Who needs that nonsense.
You know what’s attractive in a man? Listening to the things a woman says to you. Comprehending and believing them. She said she loves you for you. She said she wouldn’t change anything. Show her you’re listening.
I think it’s fine to not be your partner’s “perfect type” as long as you guys talk it well through. I think a good relationship takes more than looks and yeah it’s nice to be their type but I think she’s attracted to you no matter what. You can try asking her if she’d like to change some small mundane things about you such as your style, your haircut etc etc but it’s better than trying to be someone you’re not. I used to always worry that I’m not my boyfriend’s ideal type physically, but as of late I feel much more comfortable cause I know he loves me regardless, and I also changed my style which he loves now more than ever so like I said it’s the small things
I’m sorry you’re feeling so insecure.
Why did she even tell you? She should have known that this would potentially hurt you.
Please don’t change for her. Copying others won’t help you. What makes a person most attractive is confidence, so just embrace who you are.
I agree completely. Type doesn’t matter. When it comes to her. She isn’t the typical person I’ve dated in my life. But she’s the one I’ve loved the most and would choose over anymore.
Type doesn’t matter. BUT why can’t my brain grasp that??
I adore her for her even tho she hasn’t been my typical type, but when it comes to me not being her type. I hate myself?? That’s so selfish of me.
Also. My type has changed into her. I didn’t like who I like now. And she’s who I like now. She fits all my categories. But when I ask what I fit. She says only one thing. “You like to stay in and not go out”
Okay…. But like… I love your hair, your eyes, your attitude, your style, your personality, your glasses, your clothes, your interests, your body in all ways, your lifestyle. But you love my…. Homebody?? What about literally anything else.. why did you love your most recent flings hair, his job, his body, his personality, his style, his everything. And all I get is a “yeah I don’t like your hair like that (I cut it to fit her flings style) I don’t like your mustache (I grew it out because she likes beards) I don’t like your job (her fling literally worked at a club I work for damn Pinterest)
Like fuck… why am I not enough.
Please just be yourself! My partner is almost the exact opposite of what I thought my ideal type is, but I adore him to no end and he is the light of my life. After I met him I came to realise things like ideal types really mean jack shit.
Please be yourself! I love my partner for who he is, I fell in love with him just the way he is, and so did yours. So please don’t change yourself!
How long have you guys been together?
You say leaving isn’t an option, but it also sounds like she has broken up with you in the past for a fling and then come back to you. Honestly, that doesn’t sound great and not like she respects you very much or at all. Children and a house make a breakup much, much more difficult, but not impossible.
Just be you! My husband is not my type. He’s the opposite of my type. When we got together everyone made fun of me cause they all know my type. But I’ve been with him for 20 years and married for 18. I love him and he’s perfect just the way he is. So now he is my only type and I’m more than happy I have him. So if your gf says she likes you for you, believe her. Just be you. You are enough.
honestly dude sounds like she’s messing with your mind. I strongly suggest you look at other parts of your relationship and see if she’s being unkind/abusive as well. My abusive ex husband used to tell me after I had our kid what I was never going to be as attractive as his ex gf because she was the epitome of sexy, but he still found me attractive and I had to be grateful because he’s choosing not to leave me. Seriously man please look after yourself, and always know: You. Are. Enough.
You are who she wants. I get that it’s difficult rebuilding confidence after she expressed having new attraction to you, but it’s not as important as you make it.
Have you never been attracted to someone who was not your exact type physically ? I remember telling my self long blond hair, skinny, clear eyes and pale was not my type at all. Guess what. There’s this one guy. We’re not together anymore for other reasons. I still find myself attracted him, and him only. He’s not my type, I didn’t change my mind on that. That doesn’t mean he’s not attractive to me. I’m pretty sure it’s the same for your girlfriend.
Plus a woman’s taste do change with time. There is a chance she will be obsessed with something completely different in a few years. Tattoo, bald with muscles, artistic style, you name it, there are tons of other features. You’re not going to jump on anything she finds attractive just because she does. You’re going to lose your own person in the process. Relax. Who you are right now is absolutely good enough.
Be yourself bro, she already picked you!!! I can just feel in my heart you need to shave that stash lol