My girlfriend and I recently had same room sex with another couple where we did not swap or touch each other, we just had sex in the same room and watched each other. After a couple days of talking, we decided we both would like to do a couple swap. I’m really looking forward to this I’m just worried about a few things. first I’m concerned about the timing of my orgasm, i don’t want to finish too much before or after the other guy. I feel like the time waiting would be awkward. Second, I (6 inches) am noticably smaller than the other guy (about 8 inches). Lastly, neither me or my girlfriend have been with anyone else for almost three years, I just don’t know what it’le be like to watch each other have sex with other people when we actually get to the moment. If anyone has any advice I would truly love to hear it.
4 comments
All these anxieties are super real. It’s the reason why folks with experience always caution newbies that feelings of jealousy or inadequacy are normal and to be expected.
The goal isn’t the figure out how to avoid those feelings. Rather, it’s to feel them *and learn to deal with them*. Couples who are successful at it learn that swapping doesn’t threaten their relationships, they can help *strengthen* them but it often times takes time/patience to get to that point of acceptance and understanding.
So again, don’t go into this thinking “I can avoid feeling bad about it.” Instead, go in with the mindset of “maybe we’ll both feel weird about this and it stirs up stuff *but* we can talk about it, reaffirm our love/attraction for one another and see if we want to do it again.”
This is how successful couples make it happen; they do the work with one another to reassure and connect. The unsuccessful ones are where they either don’t or can’t figure out how to process the *totally reasonable* “bad feelings” that can come up amongst first-timers.
I’d also add:
Trying to time our orgasm sounds like a recipe for disaster unless you know you’re able to exert exceptional orgasmic control (i.e. you can come at will, like a porn star). The more pressure you put on yourself, the less you can relax, the less you can enjoy yourself.
And getting into a literal dick measuring contest — even if not intentional — is also a losing proposition. It’s such a reductive way to think about sex and pleasure which, hopefully, you understand on a cognitive level but your anxiety around it is probably more of an extension of your fear of “sharing” your partner. But just remember: they’ll always be people out there who have bigger dicks or more money or better hair or whatever. Yet your GF didn’t leave you to be with those people even though she must know those other things exist. She *chooses* to be with you because she wants to be with you, not because your attributes stack up better than someone else’s.
Good luck and try to have fun.
Stop worrying about the other guy and focus on the other girl. Just enjoy the experience and don’t overthink it!
Make sure you’re prepared to be able to watch your wife get pleasured. That seems to be one of the main issues when involving other men.
It’s a lot of fun but make sure both you and your partner are ready before you do it. Make sure you are both truly okay with each other sleeping with someone else. Have a lot of very open and honest communication beforehand. Get EVERYTHING out and on the table. Have all of the uncomfortable conversations upfront and really assess if it’s the right thing to do for your relationship. Have pre-established agreements with what is off limits and be sure to fully respect each other’s boundaries. Make sure to have more open and honest communication afterwards. If you don’t do this and someone holds some negative thoughts in, it could lead to resentment. Again, it’s a lot of fun, but do the work upfront to make sure it’s a good decision for your relationship.