I’ve been dating a man for 9 months. I would dream of my significant other being an excellent friend and companion. I had a reason to pause recently as he stated if we were to break up we wouldn’t be able to remain friends. 🤔 He has a couple of women he says are friends and we even went to one of their Friendsgiving event. The difference between us is they’ve never dated or had sex.
Am I thinking too much into this? If we are nothing I would still want to be his friend. He’s a great person! I want the best for him in life. Should I date someone who doesn’t think the same?
4 comments
Just enjoy the dating process and cross that bridge when you’ve come to it, if you’ve come to it. You don’t even know the circumstances of your break up, you may not even wanna be friends afterwards. It’s weird to me to be considering what your friendship would be like with your ex should you break up, at this juncture, you’re dating, so who cares. Sometimes a clean break is best for both parties, deal with that when it happens
I understand where he’s coming from. Maybe his reasoning is different but for me I have girl friends and a girlfriend.
My girlfriend understands that she’s held on a higher pedestal than my girl friends and that I would never betray her.
It’s hard to change the dynamic of a relationship, so it’s best if I walk away from it instead. It’s not because it’s something I would do out of spite, but because it’s not mentally or emotionally for me. Seeing someone I shared that kind of history with be with someone else and prioritize other people would be hard for me to focus on myself the way that she focused on herself.
I had a girl whom I had spent a significant amount of time with bring up the notion of being friends. I knew I would be jealous and spiteful toward whoever came next so I wouldn’t be able to support that new relationship.
Now after a couple of years, I could probably see her again and not think of her in that way anymore because I’m stronger and more secure in myself than before.
The point I’m trying to make is that in my experiences it’s easier for women to detach themselves from that relationship dynamic than it is men. I’ve seen it with my own eyes where guys will self implode trying to make it work… and news flash: it never does. They always have a little piece eating away at them saying that they can save the relationship. Maybe it’s not like that with other people, but from what I’ve seen that’s what tends to happen.
I really don’t see a problem with his stance, and if a woman gets mad or upset or anything negative about it, it’s an instant massive red flag.
That’s just his personal preference and you gotta respect that if it comes to that.
My BF has said he’s fine with staying friends with exes, whereas I completely remove all trace of them. We respect each others choices in who we choose to be or not be friends with.
I’ve told him that I’d never see/talk to him ever again if we break up because that’s just how I prefer to process breakups. It’s not about him being a great person or not., It’s about me. Sure he might not want/like that, but that’s just too bad lol. If he wants me in his life forever he will do what he needs to do ensure that… and I wouldn’t have to breakup/never talk to him again.
So your BF not wanting to stay friends isn’t saying you’re not as great of a person as you think he is. It’s just how he prefers to do things… and if /when you love him, you’d respect that.