Feels like he’s only attracted to my feet…

My husband (28M) and I (27F) have only been married for a couple months now but together for a few years. I have always known about his Foot Fetish and never had a problem with it. I have been supportive and always consented to him “using” my feet.

For the last few months, we have barely had sex. Even on our honeymoon we did about twice. I have tried to talk with him a few times and there always seems to be a reason he gives- they come off as excuses to me but I still am understanding and he always says he’ll work on it. I mostly initiate, there are times he’s tried but usually when it’s clear I won’t be in the mood or I guess if I’m being honest it’s really that I know how it’s going to go and it’s just easier on me to just turn it down. He’ll more often than not in those instances, ask if he can just use my feet or if I can put them in his face.

When he has tried to do foreplay with me, it usually doesn’t last long and honestly doesn’t really feel great- it’s like he doesn’t really know what will feel good (to be brutally honest, he’s never near where he needs to be if you catch my meaning). Yes I’ve tried to talk with him but he gets defensive, I feel like talking about what feels good or doesn’t feel good is healthy and mature but I think to him I’m attacking him or saying he’s bad at it. He’s brought up things that would feel good for him and I try to accommodate. I’ve even looked at foot fetish porn to get better (I should have said this too but I HATE feet, it doesn’t always feel good when he’s doing it because I hate the feel of slimy wet toes, there are times I’m able to stop thinking so much and it’s fine but either way I do it because we’re partners and I love him) Doesn’t seem he’s willing to do the same for me. The other 2 pieces of this are: when we do have sex I can physically feel him going limp, it’s a terrible feeling as someone’s partner- I would still be understanding or think it’s in my head except it’s happened so many times now AND to add to it, if I put my feet in his face sometimes he gets hard again, other times we just pull apart and I play it off like I’m tired or I’m good and I use my feet and he’s rock solid and is able to finish. At this point I don’t think sex alone could make him finish. The other thing that really bothers me is that he will secretly- at least he thinks I don’t see it- watch porn and jerk off…right next to me. A lot. I do no care about porn, I think it’s normal and fine, even in a relationship. It’s just that fact coupled with us never having sex. And the way he tries to hide it but is legit next to me in bed.

I have given him countless FJ, HJ, BJ and he always talks about how mindblowing the experiences are for him or he’ll say “I can’t stop thinking about that, it was so amazing wasn’t it?” and it feels like a slap in the face when he says it (even tho normally I would be super proud) because he’s not reciprocating but acting as if it was obviously pleasurable for me too (which it would be if I got to finish too). For the record we have had great sex in the past, I tried to think about what made those times so good and I realized that usually it was in a position where he could either see my feet or they were touching him in some way. I never feel like I’m enough. When I have brought this up as well, he goes straight into “God, I’ll just never use your feet, don’t even mention feet ever again, I’ll suppress that side of me” etc. I tell him that is not the point or the reason I bring it up. I just want a healthy balance and to be thought of.

So I’m at the point where I really feel he’s either not attracted to me (in the sense of sex) or more so that his foot fetish has really taken over his sexual being. Not sure if that makes sense.

I guess I need advice. What are people’s experiences with someone with a foot fetish (or other fetishes)? How do I approach communicating with him in a way that he doesn’t feel attacked and I don’t feel dismissed?