[26M] My family is turning on me

I’m a 26 yo man. An only child of a single mother, still living at home.

There’s very few people in my life I can count on. I’ve finally gotten a handle on years of mental health struggles, but along the way, I’ve lost almost all my friends. I had few to begin with being a socially-anxious introvert. The relationships I did have got irreparably strained as I hit my personal low. I put them through a lot, but at the same time, true friends would likely have stuck by me to see me through it. I’ve made peace (kinda) with the fact that these were not the truest of friends.

That leaves my family. I’m incredibly close with my mom and luckily she is on my side in this story; she’s seeing the family turn against her too.

The family I keep referencing are my aunt (my mom’s sister), uncle, and cousins (my aunt and uncle’s adult children along with all of their wonderful kiddies who are so dear to my heart.) For years we’ve all been super close. They’ve straight-up been the siblings I always wanted but never got to have. That said, holy hell are we all dysfunctional (what family isn’t, right?)

My male cousin has special needs. His heart is so pure and he loves the company of all of his family, and hates any arguing. He has no part in this.

My three female cousins are often the root of drama amongst themselves, separate from me and my mom. Mostly two of them, but all three have their moments. There’s been 2-on-1 verbal fights using each combination of them. Apparently, names like the c-word have been tossed around numerous times. For periods of time, one is on the outs and the other two are as close as can be talking crap about the other. Before you know it, something else happens and loyalties shift. And there have also been some physical fights. I’ve never been involved in any of these blowouts since I’m a decade or more younger than all of them, plus, I’m simply not a confrontational person. I was a kid for most of this. However, it still happens to this day with me being an adult. I try to keep the peace when I’m around and shit happens.

Obviously we all have a tendency to think we’re in the right and stand by our opinions. My family is very very vocally opinionated which leads to the biggest personalities constantly clashing. As I’ve said, I am generally not one of those people.

I accepted a job with my uncle. He offered to pick me up so we could carpool everyday, I thanked him and agreed. He’s a control-freak. He always wants to be in charge of everything and dictate how people live their lives. My mom has told stories only since I became an adult of times when I was a child where he did unsavory things. He got physical with a daughter once, my mom stepped in, never again at least from what she gathers. He’s generally made some rude comments. He’s incredibly prejudiced. The list goes on. But…he’s my uncle and my family—I love him. And all the rest of the family that I love is his family too. We’re connected for better or worse.

Most days, he’s the first person to walk out of work when the clock hits home-time. Literally, the first. It became a running gag between our coworkers that he’s out of there like a bullet out of a gun. I was often out of there less than a minute later. I had a few more items to pack up than him. Our work is physical, we’re on our feet all day, and I’m a sweater. That is: one who sweats. I would often have to add my layers back on as I would strip down to shorts and a tee at the begin of the day. I also had a reusable water bottle that I would refill before leaving as I drink a lot of water. Some days, I would come out between 1 and 2 minutes later; never more than that. That didn’t stop him from making comments about how he’s always waiting for me and how he wants to get home ASAP. About a month into him driving me to work, things reached a boiling point.

He would always pull out of his parking spot and wait in the middle of the aisle, blocking traffic sometimes, despite the fact that he always parked in the closest spot to the door. This would irk me. It was unnecessary. It was like he had to get a head start of 2 seconds rather than waiting in his park spot until I came out. And it wasn’t to be courteous and come closer to the door to get me. The angle of the parking lot meant that when he pulled out, it was the same distance I’d have to walk. I would joke with him at first, “jeez, how come you have to pull out of the spot?” with a chuckle. “It only saves you two seconds.” His response at first would be a mild “because when we’re finished, I don’t wanna hang around here, I wanna go home.” Never made sense to me, but I held back any further comments. Until it happened every day. Unless I walked out within 20 seconds of him, before he had time to get in his car, turn it on, and pull out of the spot, he would do it. It was clear that this was solely a way for him to make a point. I needed to come out before he did that otherwise I was holding him up and being disrespectful in his eyes. One day, I had it. I got in and told him that he needed to learn some patience. I was serious. He has a heart condition and he gets himself all worked up over something so minor and trivial. I suggested meditation. (An aside: a few years ago I got him for our family Kris Kringle. Part of my gift to him was a subscription to Headspace. He has major anxiety problems and has medication for days and events where he’s really agitated. I genuinely wanted him to try and ease his mind a little. As someone with anxiety myself, meditation is a beautiful thing. He never used it.) The drive home was quiet. I thanked him before getting out like I always did and told him I’d see him tomorrow.

The next morning, he picked me up and all seemed fine. Then I got to work and noticed a text from my aunt. “Please don’t make him wait after work anymore. He comes home very angry 😘”

Honestly, I was fuming. My response to my sweet aunt: “Listen, I walk out 45 seconds after him most days. I come home very angry lol. He needs to learn patience. I told him to meditate.”

And then I read out the text to him and a few of our coworkers since they always joked about how he needed to be the first one out the door. It was supposed to make the situation lighter. Show that my aunt is such a sweetheart, even if a little meek.

He snapped and said the she shouldn’t have sent that to me and that it was none of her business. He then reiterated that he doesn’t like to wait after work and that I need to “be more respectful.” I said, “maybe you should be more respectful.” “Really?” he said, clearly pissed off. Yeah, I wish that conversation didn’t happen in front of our coworkers, but I had no idea he was going to react like that and have the nerve to tell me that me walking out 45 seconds after he does as I need to fill up my water bottle is disrespectful.

I texted him that night and thanked him for driving me each day to that point, and told him that I would be taking my mom’s car to work everyday. We’ll call that Day 0. BEST DECISION I EVER MADE.

Within a week, our relationship was back to “normal.” We joked around with each other and had totally normal conversations at work whether around coworkers or not. To this day, our conversations are great.

We’ve always had a family chat—all of them including me. My mom was never in it only because she doesn’t use social media and doesn’t have the platform that we use downloaded on her phone. She had no desire to be part of it. Since that day, the chat has been dead. My birthday passed, and one of my cousins didn’t even wish me a happy birthday. Never happened before. Another one said “happy birthday”…she’s one to use multiple exclamation points when simply texting about her day. Three of my cousins/their spouses have silently left this family chat. When I saw that, I honestly couldn’t believe it. Simply not using the chat is one thing; exiting it is making a statement. My uncle has let slip that there is a different family chat that obviously emerged since Day 0. I was quite appaled, though didn’t let that show.

Now, we’re way past the point when we normally draw names for Kris Kringle. For the first time in more than a decade, I’d bet my mom and I have been excluded from it. Boy oh boy. This is all so petty. My uncle gave them his side of the story and they’ve all sided against me. I wonder what he said? I must have come off evil.

My aunt doesn’t speak up about anything. I know she loves— and likely sides with—me, but she doesn’t voice this for fear of causing ripples. She’s a passive peacekeeper. For fear that her children will remove her grandchildren out of her everyday life.

My mom is so upset, simply because she can’t believe they are all doing this to me over something so ridiculous. She knows how much I’ve cared for my little cousins and she thinks it’s horrible that my adult cousins seem to think I’m a person how deserves to be shunned.

I view myself as a good person. I truly, selflessly care about my family. Especially my little cousins. I’m watching them grow up. They’re like my little siblings. I love them so much. The thought of having them booted from my life is what’s shredding my soul right now.

I just want support. I needed to write all that down. I feel like screaming out. With every year that passes, more and more people exit my life. I have no partner. I have hardly any friends. I’m lonely af. This is my cry for help.

Tl;dr: One stupid argument with my uncle and all my cousins seem to be shunning me from the family. Need support maybe even more than advice.