For all of you who are long-term partnered in some way, have you lost a romantic connection with your significant other? How did you navigate this?
For context: I am 31, and in an inflection point in my life, graduating soon with my final advanced degree and technically have a world of opportunities before me. I am introverted, very ambitious, and have always been highly independent. I moved around a lot to follow my SO to support his career, but lately, we have lived separately for about a year due to my program. Despite these challenges, I’ve worked to become a high earner of the household and we manage our finances separately.
My SO is a great guy. He is very kind and caring, and though we do not have an intellectual connection, he’s funny, the sex is decent, and being long-distance helps. He has always been much more laid-back and recently found a job working for a distant friend in a new city. Advancement for him is unclear but he is having fun. He is expecting that I will follow him there. His goals are to do well at work, buy a house, and start a family.
With my new degree, though, I can live and work in the city of my dreams. And with every passing day, I feel I am losing attraction to my SO, and that my goals have changed. I no longer want children in the next few years, nor do I want to live in the city he’s going to. I want the life the 12 year old me wanted – living in a high rise in a beautiful city, working at my job, working out, and travelling. I also feel like my ‘taste in men’ (if that is even a thing when you are married!) has changed significantly.
I feel that I have worked to become the woman of my dreams, and that I deserve the same happiness and growth that I have supported for him for years. I don’t want to move to this new city and I feel that I want to be with a man who can finally support my goals, as well as aspire to the same lifestyle that I want. My SO isn’t any of these things, but he’s kind and he supports me as much as he can. I’ve lost attraction and I don’t know what to do.
How have you navigated this? Am I just crazy?
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TLDR: My partner and I live separately, and I have grown so distant from my husband emotionally, mentally, romantically. I’m struggling between being a good wife or following my heart. I am uncertain what to do.
1 comment
You have described the what, but you haven’t given a why. Emotions are tricky things. Until you understand where these feelings are coming from, there is no guarantee that there is happiness at the end of your pursuits.