What should women be aware of when showing platonic affection for men?

37 comments

1. Not hold hands and kiss and show love lll

2. Platonic affection is a concept very little men get, be carefull.

3. For a lot of guys, physical affection doesn’t feel platonic. Hugs are okay if you ask first, but don’t push physical boundaries further if you don’t want him to also start pushing boundaries

4. Some men aren’t looking for platonic affection

5. Even if we never show it and act completely appropriate towards you, we will at times imagine what it’s like to have sex with you.

6. Don’t use them for free dates and meals. Go Dutch and pay your fair share. Be honest and don’t string them along.

7. Men have the same need for personal space as women. You may be a hugger, but if we’re platonic, I’m not.

   In my circles, many women that have tried to emulate the teasing that men do to each other have missed the mark. Don’t join that unless you’re sure you’re not going to hurt feelings (or as men say piss him off).

8. Nothing physical at all and keep the compliments down to a minimum

9. Psychopaths

10. Be aware that we practically never get compliments nor physical touch. What may seem like a simple compliment or a hug to you may feel incredibly intimate for the guy. As opposed to female – female friendships where both parties are a lot more accustomed to getting external attention and so it doesn’t seem as big of a deal.

    You know that,”Don’t worry about him, he’s just a friend” meme? Yeah, that’s reality when you end up hooking up with him and cheating on your boyfriend. That happens allllllll the time.

11. Its only platonic for you.

    Men don’t have much use for platonic relationships with women. Rarely benefits us and more often than not its a burden.

    Women get emotional support for male friendships males do not. Benefits of a female friendship is a relationship without romance. If the man is attractive enough he can enjoy a relationship with a women without being tied down.

    Redundent.

    Avoid close friendships with women aint much point to them for me personally.

12. I’ve generally had successful platonic friendships with women and I think they’ve been more intimate friendships in the sense that there was a lot of trust and comfort. I think a lot of women would love to have more friendships with men that they can feel safe in. I also think people who didn’t grow up with brothers and sisters of the opposite gender benefit most because they are less likely to have those kinds of interactions.

    Some people don’t seem to be dispositionally able to navigate it. You sort of have to be able to turn off that part of your brain for that person and be able to build trust in that direction. I recall helping my friend move and we were in her new apt with another girl who didn’t know me well and a box fell over and a bunch of underwear fell out and I just sort of put them back in with zero fuss, my friend saw it and seemed un-phased, and the girl gave this look like wtf is going on right now?!?! How isn’t this super awkward?!? She ended up asking about it and we both just kind of said, the dynamic is not like that. Now my friend and I both have higher sex drives and recognize that the other is attractive, it’s just we decided that wasn’t going to be our dynamic and it gets far more comfortable over time and at this point it’s like she were a cousin.

    Also friends of the opposite sex make the best wingman/wingwoman.

13. This is going to end sour

14. >What should women be aware of when showing platonic affection for men?

    Don’t. Don’t do that. Or, barely do that. There’s no affection for men, so even something as mundane as a hug goodbye sticks out as something reserved for family and romantic partners.

    >What dynamics of male/female friendships are different?

    The biggest one is the social expectations. Women are socialized to do a bunch of things platonically that men are socialized to believe only come with the desire to escalate a relationship.

15. Women just need to be more aware and less dismissive about motives. If a guy gives us the wrong idea, we are gonna raise our concerns. So we really don’t need a speech on how it’s our insecurities or they’re just a friend or like a brother to you. Majority of guys would jump at the opportunity if there was one and I’ve yet to see a woman actually shut that down properly. Like clearly you can hug, but cuddling (big difference) and play fighting, or even sharing relationship problems with them is a big red flag that I think is commonly found more

16. That the man will get sexual feelings. Pretty much guaranteed

17. Know that your male friends most likely want something more from you, of course this is not true for all men but in my experience, this is common enough that it can be used as a generality, keep that in mind and try to not to be playful with them in that way….

18. To avoid misunderstandings always say ‘no hetero’ before or afterwards.

19. He can’t control whether that triggers an attraction to you.

20. I really hate to say this because I wish it wasn’t this way but don’t show platonic affection for non family men. It so far outside the norm that we will think you are flirting with us.

21. I’d be careful not to touch them. A lot of guys are touch starved, and a friendly hug from you feels to them that you’re romantically interested in them.

22. No hugs, no touching other than a high five and or a fistbump 🤜. You saying there’s a chance and other way.

23. Agreed with all the above. If you’re not prepared for the possibility of that man developing some type of feelings for you emotionally or sexually, you’re better off keeping them at arm’s length. You could also design your interactions to imitate male friendship to make it clear you’re not looking for more, i.e. high fives or fist bumps instead of hugs, calling him “bro”, maintaining physical distance, gruffly brushing off attempts at genuine emotional discourse… etc.

    A majority of men are so starved for emotional and physical validation that ANY kind of attention can get our fantasies going.

    For example, three weeks ago I was contacted by an old female friend from high-school asking if I wanted to hang out while she was in town. We did briefly date for a few months, but we remained friends even after it ended. I have no doubt it was a purely platonic gesture.

    I haven’t been able to get her off my mind since she reached out, and we haven’t even actually met up yet.

    It’s just the way it goes.

24. If you’re an attractive woman most men are not looking for platonic affection from you, give handshakes instead of hugs if you must lol

25. Let’s be honest here..vast majority (90% or more) of those male “friends” will want to sleep with you and will have sex with you in a heartbeat. Very few males will befriend a woman and don’t think about her sexually. If you’re still ok with this then I assume you need to set clear boundaries from the beginning.

26. I think this is an area where communication is important. I have a number of rewarding platonic relationships with women, and am completely capable of not reading anything extra into a hug. I think a lot of the confusion comes from people not being open about what they’re looking for.

27. We don’t get a lot of physical attention, so anything that is beyond sidehugs or regular hugs that linger too long we are gonna take as advancement.

28. Affection is like rain. For places that aren’t used to getting any a little can have extreme effects and not all of them good. The guy might assume you are into them because nobody else hugs them.

29. Don’t be too overly critical of women your guy friend goes out with or shows interest in, if that happens a lot it starts to seem like you are actually interested in them

30. How rarely men receive it and the effect it can have on them.

31. I can see many people say no hugging, no contact, and I disagree with it. I grew up in a conservative place and a weird family that friends don’t hug, family member don’t hug. The last time I got a hug was in elementary school I hugged my mom.

    Then I studied abroad and I feel so weird but so good when I got hugs from friends and people I know. Mostly girls, but sometimes aunts and uncles hugs me and male friends would give me a sidehug and it’s perfect. I have felt the lack of hugs before, and imagine men going through that for their whole life, getting no attention or sympathy from absolutely no one, it is miserable.

32. Sexual overperception bias.

    [link](https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/sexual-overperception-bias)

33. I think this question needs a non Reddit answer; or at least I hope it does cause all these answers are making me sad for men

34. That it is not mutual.

35. Everyone is different.

    Lots of people are saying no hugs.

    I like my hugs. Please hug. We can even cuddle under certain circumstances.

    It all boils down to the same simple rule. Communication.

36. If he wants to fly out to meet you, and you’ve only known each other for like a week, he wants to have sex with you.

37. Maybe a hug or pat on the back can be platonic nothing more