There’s a girl I like at school, and she likes me too. We kind of agreed early in the year when we each found out that we wouldn’t date just yet because we weren’t ready. I was worried things would get awkward, they didn’t, we stayed friends.
A few months later, I asked if she wanted to come to a concert I was performing in, she said yes, and we went to grab ice cream afterwards. It wasn’t a date, we were just hanging out. The thing is, since then my feelings for her have just gotten stronger, and part of me wants to be closer with her, but at the same time, I’m socially inept and would probably screw things up and just end up hurting her.
A few weeks ago I was writing Christmas cards to give people on the last day of term, and in my exhausted state near the end of the school year, I wrote down how I felt about her, essentially saying that I find it difficult to explain it, but that I care very deeply about her and that I love her. I gave it to her on the last day of school, and I can only assume that her friends, who have been teasing us about it since she first found out I like her, saw it, and preceded to tease us about it every time we sat near each other. Tbh I regretted writing it down, because I wasn’t really considering making a move at the time, but she said that she loved the card, so win? Either way, I’m not sure if I should have written that, but once school comes back I’ll talk things through with her, if need be. I just need to write this all down somewhere because the tension has been building for about 9 months now and I don’t talk with anyone about it since a lot of my friends are just a socially inept as I am.
You probably won’t see this, but if you do: Alia, what I wrote was completely genuine. You know I’m not good at expressing or understanding my emotions, but I do care about you very deeply, and I love you so much. You‘re one of the most genuine and incredible people I’ve met, and I’m glad to have met you.