I’m (f 25) finally in a stable relationship with a guy (m 24) I’ve met. We’re moving things slowly because of my past experiences with partners.
I haven’t had the most positive experience with sex and still catch myself withdrawing from getting intimate. I am scared about getting back into it because of my lack of experience and those that were bad, on the other hand he is very experienced.
I suffer with body dysmorphia based on my interactions with old partners and have been staying away from having sex all together because of the comments they made. Also based on my unhealthy introduction to sex at such a young age (tw: sa) with people much older and being very dominating, I’m scared to open up about the lack of experience because of it.
I talk to my friends about it but there’s not much constructive help they can offer because they don’t know about these past events.
I never really bled at the time but i am scared to now, and i want to have fun and enjoy it but I’m scared that it might get extremely uncomfortable and painful, because that’s all i can recall.
I don’t want my current partner to have that pressure to his head, and because it can get to me and trigger old memories, that’s why I don’t want to have this conversation. Not yet.
I don’t know how to not feel like I’m out of my body, and how to enjoy it without putting too much pressure over myself to enjoy it.
Due to my lack of intimacy I’m not sure how to go about things in the moment. How to make this experience enjoyable for my current partner, without it ruining the moment?
I would really appreciate all help, I don’t mind talking about it in a bit more depth in a private message. Thank you all (:
2 comments
Just be open and honest with you’re partner. He should respect your wishes. But just communicate with him. You don’t have to tell him everything. But if you want to have sex and want to enjoy it you have to try. Make sure you guys have a good connection. You’ll feel safe and wanted and sexy. Some of the best nights don’t involve sex! But you can build up to it. Good luck! You deserve the best!
First you have to love yourself, and most of all trust is the foundation with your partner. Based on what you have expressed, he will take it slow, if he has also heard all of this earlier in your relationship.
Trust that he does in fact enjoy your body, trust that he will be kind and gentle with some passion thrown in to help you feel your inner beauty. If you get to the trust part, in some ways relaxing for sex is easier.