Hi, hope this finds the right people. I wrote a post recently on my current situation and what I’ve been dealing with but I wanted some advice on the next steps.
When I (27F) broke it off the first time with my current bf (28M) (which was a few months ago) the pain I felt being alone when I wasn’t with friends absolutely KILLED me. It was so unbearable and that might be because I have a very anxious attachment style where I used to have to depend on someone for everything- which I know is very unhealthy. I knew that it was for the best but in the moment it was just so unbelievably hard for me to let go. I’d just cry and cry and be alone with my thoughts which would make me cry even harder, thinking about the what ifs and the maybes. Now here I am, back at square 1 feeling the same feelings of regret of not following through with that decision to leave at the time. I don’t know what is wrong with me.
I’m fine being alone and being independent because that’s how I’ve just been getting through life since I moved out at 18 years old. I don’t have much family support plus they’re thousands of miles away. I cant move back home because they have already expressed that I’m not able to live with them.
I want to be done this time and maybe this second go at trying to make this relationship work again was just another eye opener for me to realize it REALLY will not work or feel any different.
I’m just wondering if any of you know or have gone through something similar? We’ve been together for about 5 years now and it’s completely toxic and unhealthy- nothing is changing. We fight everyday. He doesn’t like to person I am and vice versa. I know what I need to do at this point it’s just a matter of financially being able to and right now I can’t until I save up some money first.
The pain of being alone without him for that week I was going through that was just so painful and hard for me.. any tips on how to overcome that feeling and fear of just being alone? I feel like normal people hurt for a little, get over it and find things to do that occupy them. For me, it was so beyond painful I just didn’t know WHAT to do in those moments the only thing I could think of was to call up my ex and beg to make it work again.
Now I’m in the same boat. SMH.
TL;DR: I tried breaking up with my current bf but the pain of being alone was so unbearable I called him and begged to make it work. Now I regret it and I’m back to square 1 feeling the same way I felt before.
1 comment
This is so difficult and I feel for you. I can’t speak for the “perfect recipe”, but from my end, I needed a mix of three types of time (if that makes sense).
Time alone to really feel and absorb what is happening. This is painful time. But I think without that, you just distract and never come to terms with it.
Active time, where I’m by myself, but not in my thoughts. That would be work, sports activities, etc. Things where it’s you pushing yourself, not lost in thoughts, where you see how strong/independent you are and can be.
Social time, where I spent time with friends/family. Your support system is so incredibly important when going through such an event. Both to distract you, but also to remind you that people care about you. As an FYI, you may find you are surprised by the people who are there for you. They may not be the people you thought would be there.
Honestly, it’s not easy. And some people just distract by staying active, being social and partying. I think it’s best to give yourself time alone with your feelings, to grieve. Please remember that you’re making the right choice and that after all this pain comes a much better phase in your life where you’ll be with someone who is better for you. But you can’t do that if you haven’t moved on and healed.