Those of you who’ve dated outside your culture, what are the pros and cons?

9 comments

1. Try this a second time, lol.

   I’ve dated almost everything at some time at this point.

   Only negative experience on a cultural end I had was a Muslim girl. There was a major culture clash that was not resolvable due to her religion. Sex was awesome though and she was easy to get along with otherwise.

   Beyond that I found Asian girls were awesome. But I am also mixed European/Japanese myself (though I entirely grew up in North America) so I have an overlap with them.

2. Pros: you get to learn about a new culture, and can enjoy some fun experiences that you wouldn’t have with someone from your culture (such as different ways of celebrating holidays).

   Cons: it can be hard to tell if a problem is because of you/your partner or because of the difference in culture. For a really basic example, hand holding. In some cultures it’s totally normal and expected in a relationship, in others it’s rare. But when you haven’t ever spoken about it, or experienced the other culture, you might be hurt wondering why your partner doesn’t want to hold your hand. Or, your partner just isn’t into physical affection.

   Communication is absolute key. It’s a cliche but it’s true.

3. good food, introduction to new culture

   racism, religious bullshit, family drama

4. Pros: You get to learn new things.

   Cons: You get to learn bad new things.

   For example, my ex-wife came from a very conservative, small town, New England family. Her parents almost became a nun & a priest. They were also perfect example of the “keeping up with Joneses” Boomer type. Everything had to be proper for them, very rigid. It was definitely a learning curve.

5. I don’t really have a culture, never would of used it as a crutch or hindrance to date somebody anyway.

6. You can date outside your religion or race . Never heard of dating outside the culture till today.

7. Pros: Enjoy the accent. Opportunity to learn a new language. Exposure to entirely different people that will likely be accepting. Endless things to talk about with significant other’s parents (my MIL is one of my favorite people to bullshit with). Can visit the “home country” and have a unique experience. Snooping on conversations in more languages. (Sorry for this one, I know some of you will get offended) If you’re an American in the relationship, they are more likely to have traditional values.

   Cons: Expectations and customs mismatch. My wife had very unusual expectations about how my friends and I would interact. I think it took her a while to understand that my friends were my family, and that my blood related family (outside of my mom) was never going to be a priority for me. Often my wife expected that I would be this wonderful host to our guests, have food prepared, offer them a drink, plan things to do, have a spotless house, etc.. She was quite shocked when I said, “drinks are in the fridge, get it yourself, we’ll order food in a bit” however this is how we all behave towards eachother. It’s not that what she wants is wrong, it just sets a more formal and less relaxed tone that we don’t want.

   My wife seems to think I need to be calling my mother every few days. My mom is not a lonely person, and spends hours on the phone with people everyday. Calling once a week seems like plenty as an adult. Not that much new shit happens in between each call.

8. Some gals have real problems being with white guys. One went one about me colonizing her body after taking her people’s land. She’s making me breakfast now.

9. Pros: the same as they are in any healthy relationship.

   Cons: you get to deal with three sets of bio hits. 1) people of your culture who object to hers. 2) people of her culture who object to yours. 3) people who find any mixed marriage objectionable, regardless of whether they have an inch of cultural skin in the game.