My name is Sam and I’m 16.5 years old.
Because of my past experiences related to friends being distant, the thread of relationships getting loose, I’ve become bitter about people.
I don’t fit in the society where I live in. I live in a town and I can certainly that I’m different than most people here. My interests are pretty different, my thinking and mindset are different.
Where people of my age here in this town are drinking, smoking, talking bout “how sexy the other girl is”
I have interests in improving myself. Learning a lot of things like Copywriting, marketing strategy, cooking, self management, strength building, public speaking etc.
So that I can finally respect myself and develop self-belief. So that, I can finally prove myself that I am worthy of love.
This is the option I chose instead of buying a cool bike and showing off in front of people. Cuz I know this second option will still make me feel hollow from inside.
People find me weird… I don’t know why.
Many have commented a lot on me making me feel humiliated. To which I didnt know how to answer or counter their bullshit.
People break my boundaries sometimes that affects my mental health. Damn, I dont even know what are my boundaries and how do I protect them.
I feel I just build rapport easily with anyone and I just mix up with them quickly that after 2 days, they will cross the line.
I have 2 people which I can call good friends but I don’t trust THEM 100% also and they also don’t match my vibe completely.
Its scary to trust someone absolutely. Like what if they took benefit of you?
I sometimes don’t know how to say NO to people. (Or to my friends) when they ask for favour or money.
I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with people or what’s wrong with me!!
I just don’t understand humans relationships.
I just want a tribe who I can proudly belong. Some friends whom I can vibe with, share my stuff who understands me.
Also respect my boundaries.
Some people with whom I don’t have to think much or play social games. People with whom I can just relax.
I don’t open up to people now. Cuz I know they don’t understand me and they don’t care. Ultimately, everyone has their own life. Everyone is busy.
Well, guys do you have any perspective on all this *essay* I wrote that can help me?
Or is there a book that can help me?
2 comments
I’m happy you’re trying to achieve self-fulfillment and are striving to be growth oriented but what the way you perceive people around you is pretty judgmental and ostracizing. I think you feel intimidated and ostracized around others because you don’t feel like you fit in and you’re projecting that onto them. Although it is fine to not get along with others and you do have a good reason to, it doesn’t mean you should disrespect others just because they have a different lifestyle than yours. Drinking and smoking are social behaviors and although it is physically unhealthy it is normal and human to engage in this behavior to fit in or belong. It’s not actually weak to do so, because it opens you up to better opportunities for connection with others, just at the cost of your physical health.
I’m sad you think people just buy bikes or cars to show off to people. While some people do actually do these things out of validation, think about the hard work the person has actually gone through to buy something they want for themselves. Driving bikes and cars can be fun and peaceful as hell and flaunting what you’ve worked so hard for and having people appreciate it is literally fine. It’s fine to feel proud. Think of if you achieved your goals — wouldn’t you want others to support and appreciate the fruits of your labor? How would you feel if someone just said that you did all this to show off? Don’t be quick to judge people so shallowly.
Instead of judging someone so quickly because you assume they’re not growth oriented, maybe try making conversation and see what their goals, dreams and hobbies are. That way you have a healthy perspective of people rather than judging them at face value. Sometimes people don’t have the need to share this information with you either. It’s not like people have to open up about their goals, some people like to work in solitude and silence.
As for the humiliation aspect since you’re young people will tend to do this if you’re not apart of the group in any remote way. You don’t have to find a way to answer or counter it because the intent is to evoke anger or shame from you. Just walk away and keep working on yourself because people will always do these things to boost their own self-esteem, so better to not give them what they want.
As for recognizing your boundaries there’s physical, sexual, intellectual, emotions and financial. You can refer to psychcentral’s — “10 ways to build and preserve better boundaries.” This takes experiences to identify, but the main way you can identify it is to think about why you felt wronged in that situation. Sometimes others don’t respect our boundaries in which we should communicate it to them healthily, but on the other hand you have to be able to have boundaries with yourself as well. Trust comes easily when you’ve identified these social and personal boundaries. The only way to say no is to say no. If you don’t want to hurt their feelings you can reassure them that you’d like to support them but you either emotionally/physically can’t, or financially unable to. You can choose to explain why or just say no, and if they’re really your friends they won’t push you. If they do and it makes you uncomfortable that is a crossed boundary you should communicate. Boundaries are supposed to be acknowledged and communicated when we feel wrong, feel the hurt, share the hurt, and offer a solution for ourselves and others to make us feel safe and loved.
My book recommendations…
For socializing I like “how to have confidence and power in dealing with people” by Les Giblin. Best socializing book I’ve read. This book literally made my social interactions take a literal 180! I just discovered this a month ago and the change in me socially is night and day. Read and apply this, you’ll do great:)
For dating “how to be a 3% man” by Corey Wayne. It should be noted this book isn’t just about dating but becoming a complete man and unlocking your potential to excel in this world. It teaches about body language, the mentality successful men have in this world in all facets of life, and most importantly “effective” communicating with the opposite sex which many men lack, even on a platonic level. There’s a difference in how you effectively communicate with men and women.
Honorable mention for me in regards to socializing is “how to win friends and influence people” by dale carnegie. The examples are dated in that book as well as the culture has changed since then but human nature is still the same and the advice given is very valid. You just have to apply it to yourself and your social vibe, not necessarily absolutely literally at all times. It’s rudimentary basics but so many people lack basic social skills. Be authentic in your application of the advice and you’ll be okay
Good luck, I’m on a journey at 33 to figure things out. You are half my age and these books will give you the head start I wish I had. All the best to you my friend.