My boyfriend L (NB 23 uses He/They and I met in January and started dating in March. They are demisexual so we have been taking things slow and it’s been kind of difficult to discuss certain things with him. It’s a new relationship and I do plan on sharing certain things with him eventually.
I met my friend K(F21) back in 2019, we have been sort of close but always platonic. While others were invited we ended up eating lunch together, chatted so long we picked up dinner together as well to eat at my place. As we ate and talked it got late and it made sense for her to just spend the night. I ended up sharing things about my trauma history and other things I hadn’t shared with L yet. In the afternoon I met up with K while on the phone with L because she had left something behind in the room. L jokingly asked if I was cheating but we were able to quickly laugh it off. (Explained K’s conflict with their roommate but not what we ended up talking about until 1 am). I haven’t told L everything about what happened the other night and I am a bit worried this might break their trust in me once they know. If I just drop it they may forget the whole thing or I explain he would be understanding that I have simply had more time to build trust with K. I was in a position where I was the person being confided in and don’t want someone else in a similar position.
TL/DR I confided in a friend and worry I might have crossed the line.
1 comment
From what I’ve come to learn, if you can’t confide something with your partner (like I did with my ex about the anger and rage I kept pent up inside towards particular family members and my trauma), then there’s something bigger happening that you’re afraid of but don’t want to come to terms with. I wouldn’t say emotionally cheating, that sort of thing doesn’t exist; I have feelings of compassion and love for my best friend, but not of the romantic type that I had for my ex. Maybe you’re wary of trusting other people with what you’ve been through, I get that, I’ve been hurt before too. But if you can’t confide in him these things, maybe your subconscious is telling you to wake up and look at things, whether it’s to confront some fear or that maybe this ain’t the right one. Don’t go beating yourself up over this one, we all have a random person we can confide anything with in, a best friend, a coworker you worked with years ago, or the person who does your hair, etc. It’s nothing wrong, but a partner is someone you should be able to confide in with most things