Men of Reddit, how did you go from being someone who got attached quickly to an emotionally detached person?,

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  2. A couple of heartbreaks and enough dating to realise that everyone’s kinda messed up in their own way, so nobody should be put on a pedestal until they’ve earned it….and not even *then*.

  4. Life happens and it rattles you. Maybe more, maybe less than others. What I think really matters is how you deal with it. You don’t need to feel anything for others to know right from wrong, or how best to treat them.

    be a good human being to others.

  5. You get burned enough and develop a frame of reference that reminds you why it’s bad to get attached too quickly.

  6. Honestly there’s only one person from my past who got the “ultimate effort will do whatever it takes whether it’s worth it or not” effort and everyone since then, my brain is willing to act logically and understand when it’s appropriate to detach or act less invested for my own preservation. You kinda gotta strike out once or twice and learn, not that you can’t learn without pain.

  10. According to psychology, a rough childhood. There’s something called attachment theory, one branch of it is the “avoidant” (me) 🙋‍♂️. Basically I was neglected by my parents in some way, and that prompted me to rely on myself excessively. The upside is somewhat obvious, I tend to be self sufficient and emotionally resilient. The downside is I’m not capable of love in the same degree as others.

  11. After my first gf and a very painful breakup I never managed to get deeply attached to anyone anymore.

    Something inside me simply changed.

  12. This might sound stupidly specific… But here it goes, I lost my attachment after she started pushing my daughter and I away. That’s because I heavily invested the time and effort to bring my kid into this relationship and build this family. I trusted her enough to bring her into my daughter’s life, 3 years later she wants space and believes it’s too much for her. She doesn’t know what she wants with her life, at this moment. It baffled me to find out that someone can change up on you so quickly. I still have hope in her, she is still under 30yo. She will be the ONLY person I will allow my daughter to be around. Anyone after this can fly a kite, no matter how hard they try to include or talk about my kid (sorry ladies, my daughter is spoken for). I have invested far too much in this family to make it a family.

  13. A very difficult breakup!

    I was seeing a girl at work, we fell in love, but she ultimately decided the “ho” life was her true calling. She began playing push/pull type mind games, which I played back for a while. You know the ones where you text her and she waits a while to respond… I mean, come on. Just tell me you’re busy, like an adult. Anyway, I eventually grew tired of the nonsense and stopped talking to her altogether.

    Admittedly, I haven’t quite been the same since that breakup from a vulnerability standpoint. This was a while back in 2020, but I still tend to keep others at an arms distance – even my wife at times. I think that’s because I gave my soul to that one relationship and I still felt indebted.

    My wife didn’t even know what a mind game (or shit test) was, until I told her about them. Just a beautiful person altogether – she’s good stuff!

  14. Aging while dealing with repeated heartbreaks and long periods of celibacy (years at a time). Eventually I just realized it was pointless.

  15. Getting attached to people who weren’t worth it or who took advantage of my attachment.

    Its’ not so much that I don’t get emotionally attached, its’ that you need to prove that you’re worth me lowering my defenses first.

  18. Lots of relationships where I was abandoned, eventually understood what I am and what it means for me.

    Also autism, autism helped here

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