i (19F) recently been involved with a guy (19M) for about 3 months now, we are friends with benefits but exclusive i guess. long story short i kinda want a relationship but he doesn’t feel like he’s in the right place for one. he is such a great friend, we get along so well, and have so much in common. we hangout all the time just to hangout and do so much together. but it’s been making me insanely depressed.
i have such a hard time letting things go and taking space because i think it will change things. i really don’t want to let him go but i am struggling so much dealing with all of these emotions. it sucks because i know that i am depressed because of our situation, but i literally just can’t let it go. this seems to happen to me every time. im such a pushover, i let people have things their way and never stand up for what i want. i want to hold my ground and tell him that i can’t do this anymore if we aren’t in a relationship, but then i know he will be gone, and i can’t bear to stand that.
i don’t know how to do it. one part of my brain wants to be friends with him forever, but then the other part of my brain knows that he is bad for me. i don’t know what to do. i honestly do not know what to do, i don’t know how to do it.
TLDR: depressed because the guy i’m seeing doesn’t want a relationship. i don’t know how to leave or even take space.
1 comment
The big issue I see with this is the following: maintaining a fwb situation long-term with someone you’re having feelings for who doesn’t want to be in a relationship keeps you from being able find someone who is better for you.
And I know it’s hard. Right now, it feels like this ‘something’ is better than the ‘nothing’ you’d have if you end things. But it’s not exactly true that you’d have nothing. Yes, you’d be sad and lonely for awhile, but then you would have all kinds of freedom to put yourself out there and find someone who is ready for a relationship.
It’s hard and I’m not telling you to end things. Just have your eyes open to reality and try to mitigate your future pain by having lots of good things going on in your life.