I (F31) love giving gifts. I make little notes in my phone whenever my boyfriend (M28) or close friend mentions something that they want throughout the year. I collect gifts throughout the year whenever I see something someone might like, as well. It’s coming up on Christmas and I’ve already finished shopping as well as wrapping everything. I really love gifts being a surprise. My boyfriend says he loves gifts being a surprise as well. I have not given any hints or tried to play any guessing games with what his gifts are at all. He just randomly guessed what his biggest gift I was giving him was a few weeks ago when we were hanging out. It really threw me off and I got upset because I wanted it to be a surprise. I have a really hard time lying, so I wasn’t able to play it off and tell him that wasn’t it. I just got sad and told him it was the gift. I asked him to confirm that he liked surprises, since that is what he had told me before, and he said yes. So I asked him why he was guessing and why he ruined his own surprise. He said he didn’t think he would guess it right and didn’t think I would admit it if he guessed it right. I explained my lack of wanting to lie, even in these situations, and asked him to please stop guessing gifts from now on. He apologized a bunch of times and said he was still excited about it and that he wouldn’t guess anymore. Fast forward to yesterday. I was just mentioning finishing up wrapping all the presents I had to and he says, “like an (X) for me, right?” and I got flustered and just said “sure”. He had guessed another big surprise present and I got upset once again. I played it off a bit better but questioned him again why he was guessing gifts, especially after we had talked about him not doing it. This second gift was the other big present I had gotten for him and now I’m left with nothing significant that he doesn’t know about and I feel really upset. I wouldn’t mind so much if he didn’t tell me how he likes to be surprised with gifts. I’m not looking forward to giving him the gifts very much anymore. I’m not sure what to do at this point and really can’t afford to buy him anything else after these other gifts. Any ideas for a new surprise or something special? Also, how do I get my boyfriend to stop guessing? Am I in the right to be upset? Should I still give him the gifts? Or perhaps hold onto the second one for a birthday present next year so he would have forgotten? His birthday is in October.
TL;DR: boyfriend says he likes surprises for gifts but keeps guessing randomly and guessed my two main presents for him even after he said he would stop guessing and now I have nothing to surprise him with.
13 comments
So, he’s doing this despite the fact that you explicitly told him that it bothers you? That seems deliberately cruel.
Also, how sure are you that these are guesses, and not a sign that he’s been going through your phone? You say you keep notes on what you’re buying there.
As far as the gifts themselves go, I would just take it as a sign that you know each other so well. You don’t get him new gifts just because he guessed correctly. It’s Christmas, not a game show.
As far as his behavior, it’s rude. You asked him to stop, but he continued anyway. He knew how you felt about it, and he just decided to keep doing it regardless. You can’t “get” him to stop guessing. That’s on him to do, which he already promised to do. I would honestly let him know that part of the joy of gift giving is seeing the surprise on people’s faces when they open it, which is something he said he enjoyed also. His guessing games stole this not only from him, but also you. Don’t get extra gifts to make up for it, and just let him have to accept the fact that he just made Christmas less special for the both of you.
Just say yes to whatever he says. Then he will not actually know.
My husband does this, but to be honest, he’s a big ol’ kid when it comes to gifts and gets super excited he’s getting something and just can’t help but guess. My typical response is “so trying to ruin the surprise!”
Orrrrr… you could have fun with it. Try answering with ridiculous answers. “Yup, that’s it. That and the glittery rainbow unicorn slippers. ” all said with a grin. It throws some doubt on it being right, and you get to be (mostly) truthful, and the mood remains light.
He must read your list. That’s the only thing I can think of. Start writing things like butt plugs in assorted sizes and see if he brings it up.
The next time you have to get him any gifts, change the password on your phone since that’s where you keep your lists.
Tbh, I’m kinda the same way. For me, I just love a good guessing game and having little to no base, it makes it extra fun. I never required the person to answer bc I really didn’t want to know, but I would still ask. And then if the person couldn’t keep a secret, they’d tell me. Im in a relationship with a person who can’t keep a secret to save their life so I just started biting my tongue and with lack of action, my brain just sorta calmed it down and stopped even guessing in my head.
And then there’s always your option to lie and say “nope”. It shouldn’t all fall on you but that is an option.
In the grand scheme of a relationship this is not even a blip. Just laugh it off. Life is too long to get upset about something this little
I agree he’s being kinda annoying but you really can’t just lie and say no? It’s not like you have to put on some super elaborate scheme. Hell you don’t even have to lie just say ” not going to tell you anything about what you’re getting”.
My husband does this. He can’t help himself he HAS to guess and I can’t lie. So now I just let him guess and if he guesses it, then he knows! No biggie. It’s one of those things that is part of who he is and it’s so minor that it seems silly to fight about it.
Have you tried asking him to stop?
“Hey I know it seems harmless but it really ruins my enjoyment of christmas when you guess your gifts. Please can you stop?”
Like its pretty simple lol.
You can also agree on a phrase you’ll use if he does accidentally guess again, like, “remember you agreed you wouldnt guess.”
Really surprise him and don’t give him any.
Im opposite! When i buy a gift for my bf i get so excited ans start saying things like he is gona love it and that i cant wait to give it to him. So i end uo giving his gifts early. Not always but i just can’t wait for him to see his gift cause i know hit will make him happy.