Pretty much as the title says. If you’d get into a relationship with someone and several months in they suddenly say “I don’t want you to play video games anymore”, would you give up gaming or would you break up? Obviously, it should have been clear from the beginning, but let’s pretend you’re several months in and now at a crossroads.
To me (28F) video games are just as good as reading a book or watching Netflix or something. It’s probably the biggest form of escapism but as of right now I have next to nothing going on in my life and I enjoy it a lot. I recently matched with several people (both men and women) who seem to have little to no interest in video games in any way, shape, or form and I started to think about this potential scenario I might end up with.
32 comments
Break up digitally
No one gets that kind of control over anyone else.
What hobbies do these other people have? You shouldn’t quit what you love but there’s nothing wrong with branching out and finding other things you love. You don’t have to share all your leisure time activities with your partner but obviously sharing some would be preferable.
If I was given the ultimatum of “games or you” then I would choose games. Not because I am obsessed with them but, like you, see them as a healthy past time.
Now my answer would change if they said something like “can you hangout with me more instead of video games” or “you might be addicted to video games”. Both of those either is a consideration of shared schedules or is an actual concern for me. Neither are a selfish request to give up a passion of mine.
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
Nope, never. If anyone demanded that I stop for no good reason, then I’d break up with them. Now, if I was addicted to gaming and was neglecting other responsibilities and they expressed concern, then I would listen. But to ask me not to play games at all because they personally don’t like them? No, they’re not a match.
That’s why I brought up my interest in games on my most recent first date a few months ago. I was a little embarrassed to say I was in my 30s and still love Pokemon, but I wanted to be honest. Never seen a guy get so excited on a first date. Turned out he still plays Pokemon too. We’re still seeing each other and playing through Scarlet and Violet together 🙂
I would limit myself, but I wouldn’t stop entirely. Relationships are about making compromises.
I’d definitely stop playing them as much as I do, but quitting entirely is off the table. I’m not watering down my personality or interests for a relationship
yeah women generally dont play and will hate it.
to answer your question, it would depend on my available options. if you were the best option yeah i would. if i had other good options then good luck.
I hardly ever even play video games and expecting that level of control would be a deal breaker for me.
Has anyone actually mentioned a distaste for video games? Plenty of people play them sometimes and just don’t talk about it much.
Yes and no.
I’m a gamer. Love playing games. Can be on all day long lol.
BUT the main issue and question I guess is how much and how often are u gaming. Like an hr or 2 or like all day everyday etc. if gaming gets in the way or real life then it’s bad. Like I don’t spend time with ur partner etc.
They doesn’t sound like a ‘match’ to me.
No they can fuck off.
I had a guy a while back who wanted me to play less and implied I played COD with my American squad because my British accent would apparently attract them.
He had a similar attitude towards my interest in football (soccer)
If I was addicted I’d somewhat understand but I was playing about 6 hours a week because I now had a full time job
Broke up within a week after a short month. Fuck that
If given that ultimatum, no.
For you, however, it doesn’t sound like you’re getting that ultimatum at all and more afraid that ppl won’t want to date you because of it. I highly doubt that’s going to happen unless you playing games ends up a net negative to the relationship or they’re just anti gaming for some reason.
What we wanna be careful is of dreaming up nightmare scenarios that may never happen. This is all your anxiety talking trying to give you something to worry about.
Tell them this:
I’ll stop playing video games if you stop watching TV. Watching Netflix every night after work is perfectly okay but playing a video game is suddenly an addictive behaviour that endangers a relationship?
Yeah, no..
Nope.
I wouldn’t stress too much about it bc I feel like only a tiny subset of people would ask that of their partner. I am not a video game person bc I never learned to play at all but my boyfriend is, and while I don’t love when he plays elden ring while dinner gets cold (which is ultra ultra rare!! I’m mainly kidding), I absolutely don’t care that he plays in his free time. I have other hobbies and it’s nice to have a partner who has hobbies so you can both have activities that you enjoy separately. I feel like most sane people would only care about video games if their partner were playing them during date night or something.
Break up with her with 8ball iMessage game
No one real would say this.
Fuck no
Absolutely not. Not in a million years.
So I would consider video games to be the same as watching tv, they shouldn’t consume your life. I think your partner can ask you to play them less or maybe suggest spending more time together, but that’s ultimately up to you.
Ask them if they would give up watching television or a hobby that they have for you.
I think the root of the problem is they would like to spend more quality time with you.
I don’t play video games, but if someone wanted me to stop one of my favorite hobbies just because they don’t like them (i.e., there was nothing negative about my relationship with the hobby) then I’d say no.
If it’s something you genuinely enjoy, and your partner knows that, they wouldn’t force you to stop. If they see unhealthy behaviours associated with the gaming, then they could speak with you about managing them, but forcing someone to quit something they enjoy and have a healthy relationship with is like forcing someone to stop being who they are. Sacrificing something I love for a relationship would not be worthwhile for me in the long run. Your partner should respect your hobbies as much as you’d respect theirs ☺️
If someone wanted you to stop for no particular reason, then it’s best to say no and break up. It’s excessively controlling to interfere in your partner’s harmless hobbies.
If someone felt like you were playing to an unhealthy degree, like you’re ignoring them and not being present in the relationship, spending so long gaming that you’re missing sleep or not socializing outside of gaming – then you should really consider whether they have a point that you’re doing too much gaming and not enough of other activities. But that’s a conversation, not an ultimatum, and any decision to change your habits needs to come from you.
It sounds like this is just hypothetical and that maybe you fear that a potential partner might look down on gaming. Most of us “waste” a lot of time, one way or another. Anyone that feels the need to act like they are superior to you because they think their hobbies are better is no one you want to date.
Well my ex told me when we started dating that his last girlfriend “wouldn’t let him” play video games and that he didn’t wanna have to give it up for me if he didn’t have to. I don’t mind at all so I never asked him to stop playing. BUT- he did play so often it was literally the only thing he wanted to do. 2 whole years, every weekend, from the time he woke up to the time he went back to bed. Everyday as soon as we got home from work until bed. We literally NEVER went on a date our whole relationship. I don’t think I cuddled with him one time outside of laying on his chest for a few mins before rolling over and sleeping at bed time. I was so unhappy but when I begged him to spend time with me he would just want me to watch him play or play something I didn’t like and then blame me for us never sending time together because I didn’t wanna play that specific game with him. Because he mentioned his ex making him stop, I never felt like I was “allowed” to express that I wished he would play just a little less. So.. my point is- I don’t think you should have to give up something that makes you happy, but in relationships I would make sure that you don’t let it become a barrier between you and your partner.
No, I would compromise. I’ll play games less, but we have to be doing more stuff together as a couple, more date nights, more of us going out together to try stuff neither of us have tried.
Also, i would ask her to join me… “come play some games with me, I’ve bought some two player games that we can enjoy together” or ask her what type of games she would enjoy playing together.
I used to play Mario party with one of my old gf’s and her son, we would order takeaway, buy a ton of snacks, and treat it as a family game night, maybe finish off with watching a film, all snuggled together muching popcorn. She didn’t like videogames at all, but she had fun on those nights, I got my gaming fix, and I felt like it was a good meeting in the middle for us both.
I’m 36. Husband is 36. When I was younger, I was a huge gamer. That interest just tapered off, and now I prefer watching other people play. In the same room though, I still don’t understand watching streamers but I’m not here to judge.
Husband on the other hand, can get lost in a game all day if able. And this is okay, if we have nothing going on. Lazy day around the house? Game on babe.
This is the thing about love; genuine love. If you really love someone, you’ll just accept them for who they are. If husband had been someone who games excessively, to the detriment of his responsibilities and relationships around him, I wouldn’t have accepted that nor continued dating him. Right now I’m 8 months pregnant, having a really difficult pregnancy. Husband has stepped up and done all cooking and cleaning. Right now we’re in bed; I’m on Reddit, he’s playing Biomutant (cute as fuck btw), and he can play all evening for all I care.
Husband also normally plays in a beer hockey league every Friday and Sunday. He’s not this year because of our new baby, but he’ll resume next year. I support this and his interests because I’m a grown ass adult human who encourages other humans to have interests.
You’ll find someone who accepts the gaming. ❤️
How are you almost 30 and are wondering if you should change a hobby that isn’t harming anyone to get into a relationship
Nope.
Video games are one of the few things stopping me from suicide (ie got a lot more games to finish so I can die with no regrets).
If a girl did this to me as an ultimatum. I’d probably break up with her. But if she asks me this, I would propose some sort of compromise. I’d either game less, or I’d try to give her more attention.
As an ultimatum it is petty as fuck
Disagree with most comments here. The short answer is that video games are particularly immersive and antisocial compared to TV which can easily be shared. And they have the potential to take up tons of time and brain space. You will need to find ways to respect your relationship no matter what.
The longer answer is that gamers come in all shapes and sizes. Many are completely addicted and play 8+ hours per day. Others play basically any time they are not working or attending to other life obligations, so basically nights and weekends. That is also a very heavy amount of gaming. I think both of those kinds of gamers would absolutely need to drastically change their habits in order to have a meaningful relationship. However, people who play a few shorter sessions per week are probably fine. Still, even if you are in this group, keep in mind the level of brain chemistry and hormones that you are spending here. Video games are not that far off from drugs, they feel awesome awesome and are highly habit forming.
no and no on should have to give up a hobby. don’t be with anyone who tries to change you like this. if they said they want to spend more time together, thats a different conversation but to take away someones hobby or change someone is a sign of incompatibility