How to navigate dating as an average woman [20F]?

11 comments

1. what you see as average someone else might see as exceptional. we all see the world and each other through different eyes.

2. For some people, physical appearance is super important and the #1 thing they want in a partner. But for a lot of people, appearance is just one factor that is way less important compared to personality, intelligence, values, sense of humour, perspective, etc. In general, as you get older, appearance becomes lower on the priority list and you start to worry more about longterm compatibility factors like those above.

   I encourage you to work on loving yourself. Find (and create) things to be proud of about yourself that have nothing to do with your looks.

3. Is it possible you are projecting your own high standards on to other people? Do you have high beauty standards in who you want to date? Do you deem “average looking men” undateable?

   Tbh when I’m scrolling through dating apps, I usually swipe left on the super attractive men because I find a lot of them have big egos or end up being “players.” I would much prefer to date an “average looking” man who has good personality attributes like being funny, kind-hearted, generous, talented, or smart. But that’s just me.

   I have felt similarly in my life. I have been surrounded by model-esque blonde blue eyes tiny-waisted beauties who seem to collect all the attention in a room. But I am beautiful in other ways and as I have gotten older I have grown to love this about myself. Looks matter less now. How old are you? Perhaps this issue will take care of itself in time.

   Edit: sorry I forgot to read the title. You are 20. Yeah. By the time you’re 25 I bet you’ll learn naturally to care less about this. Looks fade. Personalities are for life.

4. It’s generally best not to date until you’re happy with yourself. I would suggest making your top priority to be improving your self-esteem and confidence, for now.

   > For a man to be attracted to me he must obviously have low standards.

   Or maybe he’s attracted to the beauty that he sees in you that you might not see in yourself? Or looks aren’t important to him, and he’s attracted to your personality?

   > This will guarantee that I am beautiful, and attracting quality men.

   I guarantee that you already are beautiful, whether you see that in yourself or not. Not to mention, “quality men” typically aren’t attracted to women based on looks alone. If you really believe so strongly that you aren’t physically attractive, maybe view that as a way to weed out guys who only care about looks, and be confident that any guy who’s interested in you is attracted to your personality, which is a good thing (I would still strongly suggest working on your self-image, as you deserve to be happy with how you look and to recognize your beauty, even if inner beauty is more important).

5. Trust me, people have very different opinions on what they find attractive. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.

   That low self esteem though is def going to get you in trouble in the dating world, some unscrupulous people will try to take advantage of that.

   Respect yourself and know how you want to be treat is my advice.

6. Your thought pattern is incorrect.

   Average means in the middle. It means you are more attractive than some women and less attractive than others. And that’s fine. It also means you are going to get more attention than less attractive women and less attention than those at the top of the looks scale. This is to be expected, it doesn’t mean the men who are attracted to you have low standards. They have realistic standards. If they are average, they know they aren’t getting the 10s. This is a simplistic explanation. In reality, women have such an overwhelming advantage in the dating market, especially at younger ages like yours, that you as an average woman will get a lot of attention from more attractive men.

   Do not get plastic surgery. Let your natural beauty shine. You are getting enough attention as it is. Plastic surgery often has undesirable outcomes and will leave you worse off. You will attract quality men just the way you are, that is part of the advantage women have.

   Edit: I am a man, for perspective.

7. As a women just exist

8. This is not the thought process or writing of a person who is going to see positive psychological results from plastic surgery. Fixing psychological problems usually requires psychological fixes. Not denying that there are people who benefit massively from plastic surgery, you just aren’t writing like one, you’re writing like somebody who goes on an absolute journey only to wind up at the same place a few hundred thousand dollars poorer.

   Please take the time to talk to a therapist about why you feel like extremely subjective concepts are objective, and why you think one of the most common things – loving and being loved – can only happen to uncommon people.

9. Most men are attracted to most women. Unless a woman is very overweight or straight up hideous, most men will be interested. Women, however, are only generally attracted to the most attractive men. It’s normal biology. You don’t need to wait for plastic surgery to date unless you have an extra arm growing out of your head.

10. From your post and comments it seems like you have a lot of personal work and growth to do before you can offer someone a truly genuine connection. If you really believe the right man for you would even care this much about euro-centric beauty standards to the point where you wouldn’t be able to meet him unless you get plastic surgery, that says a lot about your self worth and your view of men. Your idea of what a relationship should be built on isn’t fully developed and frankly, shallow.

11. I think your attitude is the number one thing that has to change.