Does anyone have a spouse who remembers so much more than you do? My wife now thinks that I am legitimately lying to her that I have forgotten conversations, or dates, or things that have happened.
She thinks that I am using it as an excuse to get out of things (like forgetting is an excuse, I don’t get that bit either, I’m still responsible).
But she remembers every fucking conversation and cannot conceive of forgetting them. Just drives me bonkers
6 comments
You two need to watch the video about the guy how he explains men and women’s brains and how men have these boxes and you will remember stuff if its in the boxes that you are currently in but if its in a box that is back on the shelf you don’t remember its… now for women… its kind of like a bowl of spaghetti… everything is everywhere and its all touching and all connected. That is how she is able to remember everything because its connected to everything… while the box mind is like nope I am in my few boxes and thats all I need and can process at this time and anything else is background.
What you two need to work on is a signaling system for important information so you can write it down or put a timer on your phone… besides that then yeah she will continue to be upset because you aren’t her which isn’t fair because she fell in love with you and not her clone.
I used to have this issue with my spouse. I never made a big deal out of it, it was kind of funny to me, but deep down I didn’t think they had memory issues. It took a while for me to believe it.
I’m the spouse who remembers and I have thought my husband was lying or even gaslighting me. (In my defense, he was in denial of his forgetfulness and vehemently insisted conversations didn’t happen and told me I was delusional.) Our marriage is in a better place now and I trust that it’s not intentional. I’ve also learned to recognize some other behaviors related to his ADHD which has helped me be more aware that remembering doesn’t come easily to him. That said, he is still responsible for remembering important things and following through on tasks.
I know it’s frustrating on both sides and I hope you’re able to find a good solution together.
This is me. I remember dates and details and yes it drives my husband bonkers. When he forgets I don’t really get mad or think he’s lying. I just smile. 😊
Yup, my husband remembers everything! He remembers little details of conversations, like what I was wearing or what mood I was in, it’s so crazy! I’m lucky if I remember what we ate for dinner yesterday, LOL. He doesn’t get mad or anything, he’s always just surprised that I don’t remember certain movies or tv episodes. He will sometimes get annoyed that I don’t remember conversations we’ve had recently, but when I make it clear I truly don’t remember, he’s good at going over stuff.
I remember everything even though I have a chronic illness that messes with memory lol. I used to get frustrated but now I just do recalls for him or just say, “it was a while ago but xyz”. It hurt his feelings when I’d point out how much he forgot so I had to pivot & be more kind. If it’s important I’ll even ask him to write it down.