Title is a bit of an exaggeration, but that’s what it feels like- I feel like I constantly have to ask him to show that he cares about me. He isn’t great at texting me back, never plans dates, and rarely goes out of his way to do nice things for me- which stings, because I’m always trying to show him I love him by cooking him food he likes and sacrificing my carefully planned schedule to spend time with him. I know I should communicate what I want to him, but I’m tired of constantly asking for basic affection and feeling like I’m being a nuisance. I know the best thing would be for me to break up with him, but I keep reminding myself of all the nice things he’s done for me (or used to do, anyway) and can’t bring myself to do it. How do I get my act together and gain some self respect? It’s not a self-image thing, because I work out pretty intensely and eat healthy regularly, am doing well in my career, and have great friends to support me- so what do I do?
5 comments
There is a difference between nagging and communicating. If you take the time to clearly communicate your desires and he still ignores you…you would then have a serious choice to make.
You two have different love languages. You’ll probably be miserable with him because he can’t give you the affection you need.
Break up. You’ve told him what you want and need. He’s not going to provide that. What does staying accomplish other than adding to your misery?
Dating is not a life sentence. It’s for figuring out who will make a good partner for you. He clearly won’t.
Stop dating the partner her was, and start seeing him for who he is today.
He kept up the facade for long enough that you believe in Sunk Cost Fallacy, now he gets to stay like this forever, because as long as he puts in a little effort every few months, or even squeezes out a tear or two when you “really mean it, if things don’t change, it’s over,” he gets to keep a gf who is desperately trying to prove her love to him and treating him like his shit is gold.
He gets to slack off and it only makes you work harder. Why would he leave? He has the easiest relationship in the world. He might Ben be able to cheat on you, and blame you for not trying hard enough.
Don’t date the person he used to be.
Date who he is now. And if that’s not good enough, you’re wasting your time. And he doesn’t give a shit.
Analyse what his love language is, and how he maybe shows his affection for you – it may just be different from the way you show your love. Of course, if he doesn’t show you love at all, in any language, it’s time to move on.