I (25M) just got out of a 5 year relationship, and one of the main reasons was that sex wasn’t great (I lost my virginity with her but never found a comfort zone)..
Last saturday I got invited to an afterparty, and this girl was there. She was very attractive and outgoing, and immediately got my attention. Unfortunately I never consider myself ‘enough’ to flirt with girls, so I usually end up thinking ‘it would be so cool, if only…’. we exchanged some words and something seemed to click, but she was very chatty with everyone, not just me, so I wasn’t really thinking about trying.
Then the unexpected happens. I go sit next to her, and she says: ‘Can I ask you a point blank question? Are you engaged?” ‘uhhh no?’ ‘Would you like to come home with me later? You are cute.”
I was shocked. It was the first time a girl openly demonstrated physical attraction towards me, and the first time I had the opportunity to fuck with a person that really turned me on. I responded with an enthusiastic yes, and we headed to her place. We had some great sex, I was full of drive and she clearly enjoyed it. After it I told her it was great, and she said ‘it was!’
The day after she was going back to her hometown for a couple days and gave me a ride home since I was on the way. During the ride I ask her for a contact and if she was ok with meeting again, she gave me her ig and said yes, but that she wasn’t looking for relationships. I said yeah, me neither (true, since I just ended a very long one), and explained her my situation broadly. Then we hugged and parted ways.
Now, I don’t think I ‘fell in love’ but her energy and attitude were so good I want to meet her again (and possibly fck again). The way this whole thing happened is just mind blowing to me, but I’m inexperienced with independent girls that know what they want, like she clearly is. I wrote her on ig and we exchanged a couple messages, but her replies were very short, cause she was working. now I’m afraid to overthink too much because this really sparked my enthusiasm and spoil everything, or to seem clingy. I’m worried she intended it as a one night stand only and really doesnt like if I grapple onto her. recently I’m also terrible at chatting, so idk… Should I just ask her if she wants to come over one night? or I should keep that good memory and just let her go?
16 comments
FWB don’t really text outside of “wyd? Come over”. Especially considering she set these bounderies clearly. She was willing to keep communication open so you could possibly have sex again the future.
Don’t beat around the bush, if you’ve sent a few msgs back and forth already just ask if she wants to hang out again and when. Then you’ll have your answer either way
She gave you her contacts – so she was open to talking again. Doesn’t seem like one night stand situation.
She said not interested in a relationship – so that answer is clear too.
>Should I just ask her if she wants to come over one night? or I should keep that good memory and just let her go?
I mean what do you have to lose? If she doesn’t want to ever see you again she’ll just say no and you’re left with the good memory of that night anyway.
But maybe, invite her on something less of “a date” and more of a “hang out” possibly even with another person just to reinforce the “not interested in a relationship” thing but send the “I’d like to be your friend” thing and possibly “I’d like to have sex with you again” thing.
I’d give it a week or so to cool down and not come on too strong.
“hey, my buddy and I are going to lunch? Want to join?”
If yes, cool. Make friends.
If no, then “no problem, maybe Netflix and chill this weekend?”
If yes, cool. Make friends with benefits.
If no, then that’s a wrap.
Sry mate, you lost me when she asked you out. No experience there since I look like if a garbage truck caught fire and melted a little bit.
She gave you her IG not her phone number. That was a courtesy thing. If she really wanted regular contact she would’ve given you her number. Just let it go and enjoy the memory. It was a one night stand and she will reach out when she wants to do it again.
edited to add: source, am a girl, despite “mr” in my username. You mentioned her replies were short, also a sign that she is not interested in seeing you in the daylight lol. It’s nothing PERSONAL – just let her reach out. And besides, you hooked up once and said you felt an energy of “being in love” which is super uncalled for after one interaction. You admitted you aren’t ready for a relationship yet you’re pushing to reconnect with this girl, for what? Sex? You can get that anywhere. For friendship? Highly doubt since you know nothing about one another. LET IT GOOOO.
Please respect the boundary and the vibe. She was very clear with it not being a relationship so just keep it casual and “light touch” contact. Think of her as an occasional connection, unless she implies (or directly says) otherwise.
If she said yes, then invite her to your place or a somewhere near your place.
There should be a latent sexual undercurrent running throughout conversation, with the premise that you are currently hooking up with each other. Make flirty call back references to previous encounters, or suggestive references to future ones.
If you’re worried about seeming clingy or relationship-y, don’t message idle chit chat about any platonic small talk stuff. Message only with the intent of setting up the next time you see each other.
just a note from experience – keep the texts to a minimum for a situation like this. She is obviously down, but texting constantly and trying to have conversations through text is the equivalent of talking yourself out of a sale.
Casual encounters means hit em up to set up plans, and thats it.
Like most people have said, let it go. At the same time, the spark you’re talking about here may be something more than physical attraction towards the girl. Her energy, being outgoing, independent, not sure if your previous ex had that which I assume not, and you seem to have found that in the new girl. So maybe that different kind of attraction made her more unforgettable as you like her energy so much more and it’s your first time experiencing that, which you probably didn’t in your previous relationship, and you never thought you could’ve been until this one night stand happened. Maybe that’s the energy you’ve always wanted in your relationships, I’m just assuming here.
I believe she is already starting to get turned off by you, because she can sense that you’re pedestalizing her a little. And personally it sounds like you won’t be able to handle a girl like her at this stage.
I’d say take the confidence boost, cause you’re clearly attractive to be getting with her. Go out more often if you’d like and rack up more experience points. Some things in life really are akin to a video game.
If she did this with you, then she’s doing it with other guys too. I’ll bet a pretty penny that you’re one of many guys she has on a list that she can hook up with, she gave you her IG to put you on that list. Next week it’ll be a different party and a new guy.
Ok so first things first. This is extremely rare. She’s not an “independent woman who knows what she wants”. She’s a unicorn. This may never happen again for years of possibly even the rest of your life so don’t expect it. Secondly, it’s pretty much impossible to fuck this up even though you already started doing it by texting her but it might not be completely lost yet. First thing you need to do is reassure her that your not gonna become obsessed with her or clingy or want a relationship which is the message you are sending by trying to chat with her. So ignore her for a good week or even two. Then hit her up randomly at night and just be like “wyd”. Please for the love of god DO NOT start a conversation with her just tell her to come over. If you do this is your absolute best chance to make a friends with benefits out of her. This is literally the easiest case scenario. Almost impossible to fuck up now that you know this.
You should just text her when you want to ~f***~. Like, “do you want to come over tonight?” Or “are you in town this weekend” and if she says no she can’t etc just don’t respond or say “okay”… trust
Keep the communication at a minimum and let her show interest first, you don’t need to seem needy as others have said already. The fact that you pulled this off with one lady means you can do it again, just don’t “try too hard” if that makes sense.
Focusing on one person who has a different agenda than you may also cause you to miss out on opportunities, something I had first hand experience with early this year. Once you keep yourself open and don’t push anything while also setting boundaries for yourself, life becomes simpler regarding that sector lol
Okay padawan. I warn you against trying to force a second bite of the cherry. “I don’t want anything serious” means “I don’t want to have sex regularly”. You two might hook up again, you might not.
Going in to any situation with an assumption of what is going to happen will ruin it. The reason you got the water park tickets and had a fucking awesome time in the first place is because you didn’t have any expectations the first time.
I get it, it sounds very fun. You will most likely be better off just going with the flow. Don’t obsess. You got her insta. So, like some pictures, hang back, post some cool shit on your story. See if you get some likes back.
If not then just keep living, plenty of more opportunities will present themselves. If she doesn’t want to be pinned down though trying to make more stuff happen can be a big turnoff.
TLDR: play it cool my dude, put on the shades and wait for the super succ.
I’m so jealous of and happy for, you