My SO [26F] would rather go to her workplace party than come with me [26M] to celebrate my graduation

45 comments

1. This is just beers with your friends that you organized. There’s no reason you can’t do it another day, whereas it’s not like she can reschedule her office party. Just curious, did you intentionally plan this outing to coincide with her work party as a test?

2. I think you’re overreacting- your gf is new to her job and feels like she needs to attend this party, plus she already agreed to go before you asked her! And, this is not your actual graduation ceremony, it’s you getting a drink with some friends at a bar to celebrate.

3. I think it’s okay to feel disappointed, but also okay for her to go to her work party – especially since it’s a newer job. I think the fact she is proposing you do something else to celebrate on the weekend is an indication that she knows this is a big deal for you and wants to be supportive, and that is good. With this relationship being less than a year old, I think that makes it even more right to prioritize this work thing in the way that she’s doing.

   Personally, I would go to the bar and celebrate with your friends who are hitting the same milestone as you, and then celebrate with your gf another day.

4. I see where you’re coming from, but dependant on her work place, the ‘company holiday party’ is usually more than just a party. You’re expected to show up there to show that you’re a ‘team player’ and that you care about the workplace. It’s stupid, I know, but if I didn’t show up for my holiday party, not only would I not be there to defend myself from rumors, but many would spring up at the idea that I was too good to not attend. And even in a less hostile way, it’s called “schmoozing”. You have to play the game in a lot of corporate/company environments if you want to get promotions. Participating in workplace events is part of that. That shouldn’t be the way the world works, but it does work that way regardless of your opinions on it.

   Your “party” you planned wasn’t even on the day of your graduation, so it isn’t as if you couldn’t reschedule yourself or simply celebrate with her on a different day on your own over a nice, lovely dinner or something. (Edit: Oh, and I see she even offered it. So ….You’re sort of in the wrong here. Sorry.)

   Anyway. Compromise is great. Her only compromise here is ‘Don’t go’, whereas you have many other options.

   If her having to prioritize her work is a deal breaker for you, then it is. But I totally see where she is coming from here.

5. Cant beers with friends be any time? Its not like she can get an office party switch days. She even said lets do something on weekend…..shes not blowing you off.
   Why does beer with the friends have to be thursday….

6. If you were all that concerned, you would have your beers another day.

7. The holiday party sounds like an important day to her, it seems like you’re just trying to get her to miss her work party to have beers with friends. Your graduation is not until next year. It seems like she knows that and that’s why she doesn’t feel it necessary to be there.

   Don’t be that guy that can’t take their girlfriend attending a party without them, it’s a Holiday work party, she’s not going there to flirt with people just another work event.

8. Reschedule your bar thing its not a bog issue. Her work party is more important for morale

9. >already committed to her work party

   The correct thing to do is to attend the event you initially agreed to.

10. You knew the date of her party and could’ve organized your little get together the day after.

11. The work party thing seems very reasonable. She had already committed to this work event before you made other (fairly casual) plans (beers on your final test day). She has also already said she wants to do something with you over the weekend to celebrate and focus on you.

    However, you mentioned that this is part of a pattern and that you routinely feel like you give more than she does in the relationship. Can you expand on that?

12. Work Christmas parties are much more than just a social gathering. Especially if she is relatively new to the company. This is office politics that usually requires carefully consideration.

    Are partners not invited? If they are, do your thing and join her. It’s a great relief to finish your studies. But having a few beers with friends can certainly be on the weekend.

    Don’t read too much into her choice. As many have said, these events are pretty important in your work place.

13. One thing you will have to face in a relationship, friend or romantic, is to not expect others to react the way you would. That’s why you’re feeling let down. You had an expectation.

    Think of it this way: your girlfriend started a new job and doesn’t want to feel left out. She probably wants to show some initiative and involvement with this new place. I’m guessing that more than likely this isn’t her trying to intentionally avoid celebrating with you but more so her trying to be involved with her job.

    As working adults it’s hard to invest together in each other’s careers and successes involving careers when they’re completely different and have different expectations.

14. So you want her to jeopardize her job and career so she can stroke your ego while you have beers with your buddies? But your the only who puts effort into the relationship. She’s new to the job she needs to be there. You can have a beer to celebrate anytime.

15. Your post is misleading, this isn’t your graduation celebration it’s your last day of finals celebration. It’s pretty rare for SOs to make it to beers with classmates/friends on the last day of finals. The students spend the whole time talking about how shit such and such exam was or what a bad professor so and so was. It’s boring for anyone who isn’t a student. Most SOs beg off because they know how tedious it will be. Your SO has an actual reason to not attend. If you want a graduation party then plan one at a time that works for everyone.

16. If she’s new to the job, she really should be at that party. Can’t you move the drinks? That seems like the easiest solution.

17. I would totally go to my office party as well if I were new to the job and there was an expectation of showing up. But then again my husband wouldn’t keep a celebration like that on the same day as my office party. But that’s why we are married. We know what’s priority to other at what time and we act accordingly.

18. Work parties are not as much parties as they are work. People are expected to be there.

19. Celebrate the next day and go to the work party.

20. Workplace parties aren’t exactly optional.

21. So your career is more important? That’s all I’m reading here. Why aren’t you going to her work Christmas party to support her career? You say you would accompany her, but you’re not. She has expressed it’s an important event to her, that’s why she’s going. You’re letting her down here, not the other way around. You booked this party the same night because…..? You didn’t prioritize her. Even if you’re not allowed to go to her event (i.e. it is employees only), you completely disregarded its importance to her by expecting her to go to your thing on the same night. Or maybe she felt it was too soon to invite you. It seems like you didn’t ask to go. Regardless, she should have never been put in a place to have to say no to you since you were aware of her commitment.

22. March? Of this year? Judas Priest. 9 months and you’re so in love. Grow up. Go to her work party with her. Or go hang with a bunch of dudes, throw back so beers and talk about engineering shit. Sounds like a night no girl would want to miss.

23. This seems like an overreaction to me. She seems happy for you and wants to celebrate with you at the weekend, so she is considering you.

    It’s perfectly reasonable for her to want to go to her work do, especially because she is new to the job. This could be a really good opportunity for her to build positive relationships with her colleagues. TBH, I think it’s self-centred to want her to prioritise you over her career/work life. If it were your actual graduation I’d get it, but not for this.

24. Sounds like you only think she puts in effort if it’s agreeing with you , she tried to compromise , you can too

25. Sounds like you should reschedule the day of your celebration to a day that her work event is not. She cant control that date, you have full control of the date you are choosing to celebrate.

26. I have attended many holiday parties and only my current employer didn’t make it mandatory. Most workplaces see it as part of the job and it can reflect poorly on you.

    After 30 years, I finally work for someone that gives you a choice but we all go because we love our workplace. Funny how that works.

    Congratulations on your graduation. I hope you and your gf can find a time to celebrate and enjoy yourselves.

27. You brought up how “you wouldn’t do this if you were her”.

    You aren’t her, all people aren’t the same. If I was you I wouldn’t care if my girlfriend showed up. Hell I wouldn’t even be “celebrating myself” to begin with, lol.

    Maybe your GF doesn’t understand how important to you this get together is and she’s handling the situation from her own perspective and feels if she was you she wouldn’t care if you had a prior engagement.

    When people say communication is key in a relationship, THIS is the kind of shit they are talking about.

    If you didn’t actually communicate to her that you are disappointed, how is she supposed to know? You are essentially assuming she should just know how much her being there means to you. I mean on the outside looking in, as you described it, its just a few beers at the bar with friends. It’s not some planned event, just….not a big deal and maybe thats the way she sees it.

28. You have a right to be disappointed, but I would also say that it is unfair on your part. Her plans are concrete and involve her entire company. Your plans involve a couple of friends and can be flexible if you want them to be. Perhaps just switch your plans over to when she is available so that everyone can make it. She’s new at her job and wants to make a good impression, that isn’t wrong or bad. Just go focus on your exams and once that is over you’ll have plenty of time to plan something with your girlfriend and whoever else you want. It doesn’t have to be an either or situation.

29. As important as this day is for you, it’s also important for her.
    Workplace parties are a great chance to bond with your work peers, and bosses. This can often help you move forward in your job, or make your day to day work more comfortable and fun.

    Explain to her how this makes you feel. However, be understanding why she can’t join you.

    I understand this day is important to you, but it also sounds like it’s just a thing with friends and not a official function? Maybe do something separately with her to celebrate on a different day when you’re both available?

    Best of luck,

30. If it was your actual graduation I would understand disappointment. Workplace parties are not just parties, think of it the one day of the year you’re basically required to see your coworkers outside of work. I was laid off one year because I didnt attend a workplace party, instead I traveled with my bf to see his family. So, just understand that her decision has absolutely nothing to do with you so you don’t have to take it personally.

31. I understand how you’re feeling, but have you tried to understand your gf’s position? In a lot of workplaces, the “networking” that happens at company social events is critical to your long-term career prospects, and even sometimes to your short-term happiness in that workplace. She’s offered to do something with you later in the weekend to celebrate, and as you mentioned, it’s not even the formal graduation ceremony.

    If you feel like you’re the one who gives most in the relationship, then that’s a separate issue you need to address with her. But I don’t think it’s fair to look at this specific incident as representative of that.

32. It seems that she is telling you exactly the reasons why she can’t miss the work party and telling you that you can do something else later.

    My advice would be, go out, have fun with your friends, enjoy and celebrate your graduation and after that you will have another celebration with your gf.

33. So you planned a celebratory outing expecting her to be there without including her in the planning? You just expected her to cancel anything she had going on? Work parties are not just parties, especially for new hires. It’s important that she goes. But you are having drinks with friends on the night of your final exams to celebrate a graduation that isn’t happening till next year? Have drink another night and learn to actually think about your partner when planning things you’d like her to be involved in.

34. You are asking a lot from a “new at this job and want to make good impressions” person. Put yourself in her shoes and you’ll see you have nothing to worry about. Congratulations on your graduation!

35. Why not plan the beers for later after her work party?

    You can’t expect her to just skip out on your party for beers. Usually it means a lot to show up at a work function. You’re showing you’re a team player and it might help her move up in the workplace

36. I can kinda see her point. She is new at her job, she wants to make a good impression and not be that weird person who didn’t show up. Especially if she already told them she would come. That party cannot be changed to a different date.

    She says she wants to celebrate with you, but it would be better if it was during the weekend instead so she can attend both.

    I think it’s a fairly reasonable compromise. I am sure you also want her to do well at work and make a good impression. And to be fair, you do also have an official graduation coming up on a different day.

37. The work party sounds better, she’s right to go to that and join you and some people she doesn’t know for beers some other time.

38. Going out with your mates that you have been with through all the classes is a far better way to celebrate. She’s not missing your ceremony, and she can quietly celebrate with you the next day. She needs to attend this work function, it’s important for her to network with her new coworkers. And no, I really doubt you would turn down a work function to have a beer with her. You would tell her the same things she’s telling you. Based on how proud you are of your studies, you’d be even prouder and more invested in an actual career.

39. Your girlfriend did not pick the date of the work party but you picked the date of your arbitrary little celebration without consideration to her. You’re 100% wrong here. There’s no reason you had to have this moment the same day you finished your exams. There’s no reason you can’t have a second one she can attend. Doing it this specific day is just about you and your classmates anyways. You’re being absolutely selfish for someone who should find himself with a lot more free time ffs.

40. Maybe look at it from a different perspective: if you’re dating her for the long haul/that’s the goal, her dedication to work will benefit BOTH of you, while the celebration with friends is only for you. It’s okay to be bummed, but she’s acting like a responsible career-oriented adult.

    It sounds like there are deeper issues worth discussing if you’re not feeling like a priority in general, but I wouldn’t consider this part of that.

41. Beer with friends is not a graduation party.

42. So she’s not skipping your graduation, just an informal “beers with friends” celebration of your last final? Maybe you’re reading too much into this, but you should also realize that what you think is appropriate isn’t the same as what she does. This may just be a sign that you aren’t as compatible as you want to think you are.

43. You should of just honestly planned this whole thing better. I don’t see how the office party wouldn’t be something she would know about atleast 2 months in advance which seems like plenty of time to reschedule your thing to a later date.

44. You could schedule beers with friends on another day. You chose to schedule it the same day as her work party. It is important to your GF to attend her work party. She understands the culture of her workplace and often times work parties aren’t really optional. Why do you expect her to potentially jeopardize her status at work in order to celebrate your accomplishments? If it was truly important for her to be there, you would have set the drinks on any other day.

45. Business is business. She has a work do, end of story.