I (F 39) have been with my husband (M 35) for 9 years and we have been married for seven. He is an interesting, very educated person and we have many interests in common. However, what is missing is a genuine connection and deep love. I met a non-binary person born a female (F 25) in an artistic community who I felt insanely drawn to. It has been only three weeks and we have not even spoken much to each other. A lot of communication between us has been non-verbal. I feel electricity any time they are in the room. They initiated light physical contact, but I did not reciprocate considering I am married and now they have turned away from me and feels like they hate me. They are of the artistic nature and so am I. I have not been able to sleep and barely eat since meeting them. After discussing with my mother, her advice was to stay away and not be in their presence, find a new activity to involve myself in. I have also had a bipolar diagnosis ten years ago and had one major episode that lasted for about 2 years during which my life and sanity were in shambles. I am afraid of making a rash decision such as openly telling them that I am interested in them and as the result losing my stable life with my husband. On the other hand, I am terrified I will regret not being honest with them and losing out on being my true self. In addition, I have always been only attracted to men and now I suddenly feel an attraction to this individual who was born a woman and presents as non-binary. I feel like I am going mad.
**TL;DR!** Married to man, met a non-binary individual.
5 comments
Why did you marry someone you don’t love?
You need to return to therapy.
The biggest red flag here is that you are *devastated* by the perception they hate you now for an absurdly small slight they may not have recognized as a slight.
This is not an emotionally healthy reaction! Having a crush on a new exciting person is normal. Being devastated to the point you cannot eat or sleep by that kind of minimal *perceived* conflict, is not.
Before you try to be honest with anyone else, go check in with a professional so you’re sure you’re being honest with yourself about what is happening inside your own head. You may need to address the issues in your own marriage. You may need to speak to this person. Neither decision or action should be taken without support.
so start by being honest with your husband, seems you can tell everyone how you feel but him who is the biggest player in the scenario out of everyone you mentioned.
You feel that connection strong enough, then tell your innocent husband so he can have a decision in this matter as well; if you care for him like you say.
Looks like you are experiencing limerence. Would strongly suggest talking to a therapist and not making any rash decisions.
Return to therapy.
If you truly feel you dont have a connection or deep love for your husband, you should break up. Life is too short to have a mediocre connection with your life partner. Free him to find someone who can truly love and appreciate him. If you do this, I suggest not telling him you never really loved him/felt a true connection. This could give him trust issues with for the rest of his life, preventing him from being vulnerable and trusting a partner again.
The new person is neither here nor there. Sounds like a crush/chemistry. If you starve it it will fade. If you do end things with your husband you could pursue it then. Don’t cheat on your husband.