I work freelance and I had 3 separate jobs that were supposed to happen in the past year (each lasting at least 6 months) and all of them ended up falling through because of issues unrelated to me.
Because of this, I’m the most low on cash I’ve been in my adult life.
My boyfriend lives two hours away from me and we take it in turns to visit each other.
He works throughout the week so I try to visit him more since I’m more able, time-wise.
We haven’t exchanged gifts yet and he’s been expecting me to come visit before I go away to be with family for Christmas.
However, i don’t have any money for a train ticket. The only money have is for food.
It’s so embarrassing and I don’t want to tell him because of that but I also know that he’ll just offer to pay for it himself and I don’t want that either. He already spends so much on me and I don’t want him to.
Any advice or even some words of positivity because it seriously is horrible to be in this position.
Tldr: Because of work issues, I cannot afford to the train ticket to visit bf to exchange Christmas presents and don’t know how to tell him.
16 comments
You need to just tell him, today. The only version of this that ends up with you being the asshole is waiting till after you don’t show up to explain.
Just tell him and let him pay for it. I know it doesn’t feel great, but if he was broke and you had the money I am sure you would do the same.
You’re not ready to be in a mature adult relationship if you can’t be honest with each other about finances. Just tell him what happened and that you can’t afford a train ticket- either he can come to you, or he can offer to pay. It’s really not a big deal.
The best advice I received about difficult conversations – it will be uncomfortable, but then it will be over!
Just tell him matter of factly. “Hey honey, I was so excited about seeing you before Christmas – but because those jobs fell through, I just don’t have the cash flow to make it happen right now.”
Also, he might offer to pay as you said he might. If he wants you there, take him up on the offer. Thank him kindly, and do what you can to show your appreciation, like cooking him meals or bringing him coffee in the morning. I promise he’d rather have you there.
I think you should choose honesty over embarrassment at all times. You are unable to see him for a legitimate reason because you don’t have the funds, and he’s your bf if he wants to see you he can either come to you or help you get to him.
Option A) Tell him now and it seems genuine
Option B) Tell him after the fact and it seems like a lie and you couldn’t be bothered.
Tricky one…
If you’re looking for a magic way where you don’t have to tell him the truth, then all you got is hope a Holy Ghost impregnates you so you can tell him you gotta go on a road trip to Bethlehem.
Just tell him the truth. Paying for you to come down is an investment for him as I’m sure he’d think it’s worth it to see his girlfriend. The guy loves you and you should be able to accept his help.
Tell him. You can’t afford it, and you want to still see him, so he has to know and you have to accept his offer to pay for it. You can try to decline something else to make up for the cost later, or pay him back if things get better for you, but there’s no alternative here other than skipping the visit you both badly want and hurting his feelings in the process.
And even then, you’ll still have to tell him…cancelling last second or simply not showing up him would be so much worse. So tell him. Today.
Stop. Tell him the unfortunate circumstances. Let him buy you a ticket. Don’t wait and disappoint him because you’re worried about him spending money on you.
I’m sure he would rather have you in his arms than not seeing you due to the cost of a train ticket.
He is your partner. If he would want to be with you for the holidays Then, Let him pay for you. You can make it up to him. Times are hard now. Happy Holidays.
I don’t know how long you’ve been together but it’s bad if you can’t be open and honest with your bf.
“Hey, I’m low on money right now and can’t afford to visit you.” It’s really not that hard. You’re 27 not 17, you should know how to communicate simple things by now.
You take turns, but you visit more because he works during the week. Can’t this be a time when he visits you?
Either way, just tell him. You can tell him that you can’t afford the ticket and he can come to you. If he offers to pay for your ticket instead, and you’re happy to visit him, then take the gift and go.
What everyone else said, and while you’re at it, poverty is not shameful, and speaking as someone who has extra money I would love nothing more than to be allowed to solve other peoples problems (and I am so relieved that you are comfortable with having your boyfriend buy you stuff so you suffer less), but I understand that the feeling of dignity is important too. Your boyfriend needs to understand that, even though it might be upsetting for him. I’m sure there are good resources out there on how to have that conversation?
Stop worrying & just be honest with him.
Give him the chance to help & figure it out with you. He’s probably really looking forward to seeing you for the holidays so he might just offer to pay for your ticket if he has the means.
“I’m too poor to come visit you🥺”