Sorry for my english, i am not a native speaker.
I’ve always been anxious. But this year I feel broken. I’m afraid I’ll never be able to go through my anxiety and lack of confidence.
I met my boyfriend in late 2021. We both graduated from a private and expensive school, and decided to move together.
My life is not so bad: I have a nice apartment, I am with someone I love, we have no health problems. He have found a job in the early 2022, but me not. I did and i am doing a lot of interviews which result in negative responses due to the fact i am young and inexperimented. I found a job for two months but I had to quit for my mental health, as a person was harassing me and i was suffering.
But time passes, I’m home every day, and I feel like I’ve missed my professional life. I stopped looking in the field I studied because I need money today, and I don’t want to be financially dependent on my boyfriend. I’d feel even more like a burden to him.
I started having more and more anxiety crises due to events of daily life. It became common for me to cry without stopping, blaming myself for ruining my boyfriend’s life. ‘Cause I’ve become totally dependent on him, and I can’t stand loneliness anymore. I tried meditation, seeing a coach, breath exercices, but it is like everyday is worth.
For example, right now, i am crying like a baby because he will be late of one hour tonight and he was absent for his job since two days. It’s like i don’t know how to live a normal day without him.
I am at the point where i start thinking that if I would not be here anymore i would stop suffering and stop to cause problems to the people I love. I feel like that my life is for the person i love but not for me anymore. It became painful for my boyfriend to see me so sad. And i am not acting reasonable as i am so scared to be alone with myself and i am always asking to be here for me.
I just want all of this to stop. I am desesperate of not getting better. I feel like i am my worst enemy and i am ruining my relationship. And it become too hard to live everyday without being able to face events of daily life
1 comment
Maybe go see a therapist, they can help a lot. You’ll get rid of the anxiety, nothing is permanent. You’re not a burden, the fact that you’re actually tryna get a job shows you’re not. Being young isn’t something you can control, so it’s not worth it to panic about not getting a job. You’re not gonna ruin someone‘s whole life bc you don’t have a job. But Maybe you can pick up a new hobby or smth to distract yourself from being sad tho. Maybe go outside and go on a walk., or learn how to cook, idk. Job offers will come eventually especially if the reason you can’t get one is being young. While waiting just have some fun and socialize. Some things I said might not help tho. Idk.
Focus on the good parts of yourself, maybe that can help w confidence.